Stabbity
I'm feeling really stabbity at stuff in the news right now. The Herman Cain stuff. I'm sorry, but FIVE women accusing the man of sexual harassment? And people still think that it's all a publicity stunt? REALLY? REALLY??? And don't get me started on the child rape thing at Penn State. I seriously want to wring the necks of people who KNEW or even SUSPECTED and didn't do anything.
These feelings are probably enhanced by all of the stuff I'm going through myself regarding my experiences as a child of sexual abuse. I'm remembering a lot right now, and it's horrible. The nutshell: since I disconnected from the experience at the time, I now, 20+ years later, remember the abuse like it's the first time. Sometimes these memories come in dreams, sometimes as waking flashbacks, and sometimes as a thing called a "body memory" which is just the physical feelings associated with the memory and not the visual. So there are times when I feel like I'm being raped, but I don't know when it happened because I don't get the visual part of the memory to tell me the circumstances. Last week, I spent over 24 hours feeling like I was being forced to perform oral sex on my father. I was literally gagging and almost unable to swallow for more than a day. Needless to say, it's horrible. And there's nothing to do but ride it out (probably like I did when I was first experiencing it as a kid). So hearing about other people being sexually assaulted with very little or no consequences for the perpetrator just pisses me off.