(no subject)
There must be a way in which I can combat how I feel right now. I know that I’m just premenstrual- that my environment is getting me down. I’m at home but there’s no food in the house because mum doesn’t eat properly and Sam doesn’t live here anymore, and dad is always at work.
I didn’t get paid today like I was supposed to, so I have to wait until the 27th to try to get some money out. Everything’s making me itchy and uncomfortable- being cold and being hungry and having work to do but no inclination to do it. I just don’t like being here. I love London, but I can’t really afford to, so am instead confined to this miserable house where the fact that I feel shit and bored makes me seem ungrateful, when I’m not, It just depresses me that quite a lot of what I represent to my family involves disappointment. I was working so that I could get them nice presents this year, but have instead had to borrow money off them which is fucking embarrassing. I’ve been out of the house a lot for that reason, and I’m feeling really unsure about a lot of things. I don’t know whether I should be writing, whether that is what I should run with, whether I should go for Canada or not.
I didn’t get paid today like I was supposed to, so I have to wait until the 27th to try to get some money out. Everything’s making me itchy and uncomfortable- being cold and being hungry and having work to do but no inclination to do it. I just don’t like being here. I love London, but I can’t really afford to, so am instead confined to this miserable house where the fact that I feel shit and bored makes me seem ungrateful, when I’m not, It just depresses me that quite a lot of what I represent to my family involves disappointment. I was working so that I could get them nice presents this year, but have instead had to borrow money off them which is fucking embarrassing. I’ve been out of the house a lot for that reason, and I’m feeling really unsure about a lot of things. I don’t know whether I should be writing, whether that is what I should run with, whether I should go for Canada or not.