Thank you 2012
Part of a letter:
A brief review, this year for me was a mess of physical travel, unsettling messing up of my entire life structure. It was wholly atypical but perhaps that in itself could be typical. I went to Hawaii and Alaska, I ended a passionate but destructive relationship, I started a leadership program to help others not have to break the same trails as harshly as myself and the ones before had to. My grandfather and a former lover died, and I met someone to create a relationship with as their slave as I never expected would happen again.
What really matters for me though is that I finally understood I had to stop trying to live my life for another. I thought I had broken free from a lot of my family issues before, but there were still shackles holding me back. This year brought real clarity for how well I was trained to emulate them, polish their choices to reflect back to them an approval through repetition. And I finally believe I can have the confidence and strength to change and hold my own truth.
Along with that, I learned the necessity of vulnerability. I learned you can’t live your truth without connecting it outwards in your experiences with others. I’m still working on making this a daily reality- my first instinct is to go blank and reflective still, the chameleon. But I know vulnerability is what I need to accept in myself and will actually make for better relationships in the future.
Thank you Smartphone. Getting me through boring moments, connecting me to people who were far away, holding songs and sleep suggestions when I most needed comfort. I could do more because of you.
Thank you Hosts. I traveled to so many places, spoke to so many organizers and planners and people who opened themselves to what I could offer. You help me connect to this kink world in a way few of us ever get to know.
Thank you Fans. I'm not unique in this but I do get a handful of emails every week thanking me for a presentation, a post, or asking a question on advice about relationships or kinky play. Every place I go, I make new friends and meet old ones again. I do my best to connect to you all and offer help either directly or to a better source beyond myself. Your bravery in reaching out to me helps me to become braver for myself.
Thank you Hypnosis Lovers. A lifelong desire turned into a full passion for me. You all opened to me a world not just of kink and sex games, but of actual life improvement. Removing so many blocks in such an easy time, so much skill and lack of ego when really needed, I embrace you and wish to help enrich you.
Thank you Element. You gave me a home and a place to grow just at the right time. They say if you haven't pissed people off, you aren't really doing much worth doing. But you become the place Austin needed to meld together fun, education, and stability without exclusion. You helped me as much as I helped you- and we're still just beginning!
Thank you TNG. Inspiring me beyond what has been handed to me to create something fresh. TNG is an attitude more than an age and you force me to evolve. I will spread that evolution as much as I am able.
Thank you Bryan and Hypnomilf and Scott and Jim and Paul and Katz and Kathleen and Craig and Percy and Ming and Brian and Karl and Kali and Rich and Brett and elizabeth and Heather and Rio and so many more who have been part of this year's experience with me.
1. What did you do in 2012 that you'd never done before?
Swam under a cold rocky waterfall in Hawaii.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions and will you make more for next year?
No official resolutions were made.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
My grandfather Tom and my ex-lover Brian.
5. What countries did you visit?
Just the US this year.
6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
Job pleasure.
7. What date from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
March 13, the day I met Bryan.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Managing a break up that threatened my relationship with Bryan to the point of us both feeling grateful and accepting.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Mismanaging communication which led to initial explosive breakup
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing physical.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Dinner at Fogo de Chao’s
12. Where did most of your money go?
Rent and plane tickets
13. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
New England Erotic Hypnosis Unconference
14. What song will always remind you of 2012?
Call me Maybe
15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Happier
ii. thinner or fatter? thinner
iii. richer or poorer? poorer
16. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Asked for what I really wanted
17. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Been afraid
18. What was your favorite TV program?
Community
19. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Nope.
20. What was the best book you read?
Honor Harrington series
21. What did you want and get?
Sex
22. What did you want and not get?
Continued good job
23. What was your favorite film of this year?
Cabin in the Woods
24. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
We went to the iPic to watch Woman in Black, leather recliner seats, microplush blankies, personal waiter. But they got all our food and drink orders wrong. I turned 32.
25. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
My ex-boss being stable
26. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?
Adult sparkle
27. What kept you sane?
My kitties
28. What political issue stirred you the most?
Women's rights.
29. Who did you miss?
Brian.
30. Who was the best new person you met?
Bryan.
31. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012:
Vulnerable is necessary for connection