(no subject)
Fifteen days left til a leave. And it can't come soon enough.
This whole living at home thing is turning into a nightmare. Mostly because I'm trying to get ready for this trip and my mother has been making it blatantly obvious that she doesn't believe in me, has no faith that I can do this, and is not even trying to support me. I have my tickets. I have my visas. Everything is finally paid off. But she still won't accept the fact that I'm leaving. The atmosphere is poisoned by all this passive-agressive bullshit. I'm trying as hard as I can to make it easier on her but all I get are short, terse responses, snide remarks, and pessmistic comments that are making me furious. She doesn't have to agree with my going, but for her not even to support me has really ruined our relationship. There's this huge rift between my parent's and I that never existed before I decided to go. I don't feel confident talking to them about anything anymore. So we don't talk about anything. Needless to say, I've been spending as much time as possible at Matt's. I can't help it, I'm an escapist. My mother is the most unfair fighter, I've been walking on eggshells for months now because the tiniest thing sets her off. She cares so goddamned much about what everyone else thinks about my trip that she's not even supporting my deepest dreams. She cares more about the fucking fact that my dsl cord is black and doesn't blend with the bone-white carpet than she does about the fact that her daughter will be gone for two months. Everything feels poisoned and nothing feels like home.
This whole living at home thing is turning into a nightmare. Mostly because I'm trying to get ready for this trip and my mother has been making it blatantly obvious that she doesn't believe in me, has no faith that I can do this, and is not even trying to support me. I have my tickets. I have my visas. Everything is finally paid off. But she still won't accept the fact that I'm leaving. The atmosphere is poisoned by all this passive-agressive bullshit. I'm trying as hard as I can to make it easier on her but all I get are short, terse responses, snide remarks, and pessmistic comments that are making me furious. She doesn't have to agree with my going, but for her not even to support me has really ruined our relationship. There's this huge rift between my parent's and I that never existed before I decided to go. I don't feel confident talking to them about anything anymore. So we don't talk about anything. Needless to say, I've been spending as much time as possible at Matt's. I can't help it, I'm an escapist. My mother is the most unfair fighter, I've been walking on eggshells for months now because the tiniest thing sets her off. She cares so goddamned much about what everyone else thinks about my trip that she's not even supporting my deepest dreams. She cares more about the fucking fact that my dsl cord is black and doesn't blend with the bone-white carpet than she does about the fact that her daughter will be gone for two months. Everything feels poisoned and nothing feels like home.