(no subject)
Typing on my "seester's" computer since I have been without internet for over a week now.
I turned 24 almost a week ago. I spent the days before and after painting and moving for 10 hours + a day so our landlady won't sue us to death like she did the last people who moved out.
The day was a disaster.
At 1am that morning I was on my hands and knees in the bathroom that hasn't been cleaned for years scrubbing at grout with my fingernails. Overwhelmed with the enormity of the task at hand, stressed by the dissappearance of 3 of my five roomates who promised to help, exhausted and suffering from massive cramps I suddenly realized what day it was. Knowing that I would have to get up in a few hours to begin the shit all over again I started crying. Thanks to my already precarious emotional situation, I couldn't stop. Matt made me step away from the scrub brush and took me to Gaithersburg where I cried myself to sleep. The next morning, I had to drive back to college park and begin again. I felt wretched and swollen. Everyone there was fighting, and Ryan totally bailed after an argument over the splitting of the security deposit. I knew if I stayed there another minute I would lose my composure without any hope of regaining face so I left. I didnt even stop to put on my shoes or tell anyone where I was headed. I drove barefoot to the park. It was memorial day and everyone was grilling, throwing frizbees ect. I found a nice quiet corner by the woods to fall apart.
Most of the people invited to my BBQ/party that evening bailed and even failed to call. It hurt. A lot. Especially from the people I thought really cared.
Four people did make it and Brittany baked me a cake from scratch. We had a nice intimate time, and laughed a lot at the antics of my supremely drunk boyfriend which salvaged the evening at least. I even got TWO drunken renditions of the Birthday Song! I was very grateful for K1 who came from Frederick and to Custer who came from Silver Spring. I love you guys tons and you made the evening wonderful.
Living at home has created problems for Matt and I. The drive is long and sleeping here is not really in the cards since my parents are a little uptight about that sort of thing and I can't bring myself to discuss the subject of "overnight guests". sooo awkward. Trying to adjust to being back home when I've grown so used to my privacy and freedom has been difficult.
2.5 weeks until Asia. When I think about what I'm doing, at night when my mind is still, my entire torso freezes with panic. Am I totally fucking NUTS? Alone. In ASIA. HEEEELLO ALLISON - They don't speak Spanish in Asia!! Or French or German or anything I could hope to understand. I plan and plan but some part of me never really believes it is actually going to happen. I'm really starting to get scared. And I can't back out now.
Plane tickets came today. Total mindfuck.
I turned 24 almost a week ago. I spent the days before and after painting and moving for 10 hours + a day so our landlady won't sue us to death like she did the last people who moved out.
The day was a disaster.
At 1am that morning I was on my hands and knees in the bathroom that hasn't been cleaned for years scrubbing at grout with my fingernails. Overwhelmed with the enormity of the task at hand, stressed by the dissappearance of 3 of my five roomates who promised to help, exhausted and suffering from massive cramps I suddenly realized what day it was. Knowing that I would have to get up in a few hours to begin the shit all over again I started crying. Thanks to my already precarious emotional situation, I couldn't stop. Matt made me step away from the scrub brush and took me to Gaithersburg where I cried myself to sleep. The next morning, I had to drive back to college park and begin again. I felt wretched and swollen. Everyone there was fighting, and Ryan totally bailed after an argument over the splitting of the security deposit. I knew if I stayed there another minute I would lose my composure without any hope of regaining face so I left. I didnt even stop to put on my shoes or tell anyone where I was headed. I drove barefoot to the park. It was memorial day and everyone was grilling, throwing frizbees ect. I found a nice quiet corner by the woods to fall apart.
Most of the people invited to my BBQ/party that evening bailed and even failed to call. It hurt. A lot. Especially from the people I thought really cared.
Four people did make it and Brittany baked me a cake from scratch. We had a nice intimate time, and laughed a lot at the antics of my supremely drunk boyfriend which salvaged the evening at least. I even got TWO drunken renditions of the Birthday Song! I was very grateful for K1 who came from Frederick and to Custer who came from Silver Spring. I love you guys tons and you made the evening wonderful.
Living at home has created problems for Matt and I. The drive is long and sleeping here is not really in the cards since my parents are a little uptight about that sort of thing and I can't bring myself to discuss the subject of "overnight guests". sooo awkward. Trying to adjust to being back home when I've grown so used to my privacy and freedom has been difficult.
2.5 weeks until Asia. When I think about what I'm doing, at night when my mind is still, my entire torso freezes with panic. Am I totally fucking NUTS? Alone. In ASIA. HEEEELLO ALLISON - They don't speak Spanish in Asia!! Or French or German or anything I could hope to understand. I plan and plan but some part of me never really believes it is actually going to happen. I'm really starting to get scared. And I can't back out now.
Plane tickets came today. Total mindfuck.