To Sleep, Perchance to Dream
To Sleep, Perchance to Dream
Rated R for yaoi.
Summary: Janos/Raziel romantic angst.
Disclaimer: Non-profit fanfiction. I own none of this. The scenario is Neofox's, and the characters are property of Crystal Dynamics. Lucky things.
Dedicated: To neofox, who drew this *beautiful* picture which is responsible for inspiring me to write this. Go and worship her :).
Archiving: Anywhere Neofox wants it to go, my fic journal goldenguttering, my site, and fanfiction.net.
Notes: Happy birthday miss, and I hope you like this, regardless of its shortness. It's all yours. Hope you enjoy the next year even more than you enjoyed this last one :)! Apologies for posting it so early before your birthday, but I wanted to update my site before nipping back to uni, and I'm going to be overloaded with work the first week back, so sorry my dear. *smooch*
Raziel would not sleep.
To be honest, he had no idea whether he actually could. In the time before he was thrown into the abyss, vampires could stay awake forever if it suited them to, so it would seem reasonable to assume he still could. Nonetheless, courtesy of the demons, mortals and demi-gods baying for his hide, there had been no opportunities to try and rest. Until now.
But even here he would not risk closing his eyes for longer than necessary. Not that there was any immediate danger; more that he was frightened of discovering he was dreaming this moment after passing out in some godawful swamp.
He pulled his portion of the bedsheet tighter around himself, inadvertently exposing more of Janos' back and hip to the air. Thankfully the ancient's wings seemed to be making decent makeshift blankets, else Raziel would have been compelled to adjust the sheets, risking touching Janos' skin and making the ancient disappear.
Janos could not be real, Raziel's mind kept telling him. How could anything that beautiful, that perfect, be sharing the same bed as him?
Raziel had lived for millennia, time enough to develop an intimidating vocabulary, but there were no words to describe Janos in person. Murals had attempted to capture his grace, his nobility, but nothing came close. Raziel had not known the look Janos had given him earlier that night, the one which in an instant seemed to share his suffering and fight to take it away, was even possible.
Not that sight was the only sense to be stimulated. And God, sweet God, touch was involved. Raziel had never forgotten from his vampiric life what it felt like to be embraced, or to feel someone inside you. What he had forgotten - and in the latter case, never experienced - was how it felt for such actions to mean something. Janos' first tentative nuzzle of Raziel's nose with his own had made Raziel sore in a way a million kisses with Kain before the fall never could. Somewhere in the abyss, his heart managed a beat.
There had been more touch later on. Words and whispers melting away with Janos' clothes and Raziel submitting to an act only Janos could complete. Somehow, it had made things even better. There was no race to finish, he could watch Janos' every change of expression with ease, and the loss of a focus for his pleasure meant every caress, every strangely placed kiss or lick, felt like the first gold breath of Nosgoth's unspoilt sun on his skin.
Finding a rhythm had been somewhat awkward being as Raziel did not have any natural inclination to move, and the first few attempts had ended with the two of them bursting into laughter, and the beginning of some interesting bruises on Janos' chest. Shortly afterwards, they changed positions so that Raziel could ride, allowing Janos to grip his hips and guide their movements.
Raziel had never accepted pain so willingly before in his existence. And while he had not been able to peak as Janos did, he had certainly felt waves of sensation shivering up his spine with Janos' every movement.
And orgasmic or not, he could not help but cry out in sympathy with Janos as the ancient came, brows furrowed, eyes closed, and trembling like a newborn.
Janos had moved to lie on his side afterwards, wings draped half over himself and half over the edge of the bed, eyes regarding Raziel with the sort of undisguised affection usually reserved by a mother for her child. Raziel could not tear himself away from that gaze, no matter how much it disturbed him to be regarded as though he were the most beautiful thing in Janos' life, and had found himself clinging to the bedsheets for security.
Much as he was doing now, to be truthful.
He should have tired of staring at Janos some time after the ancient fell into a light sleep, but no. Every line of Janos' body fascinated him, from the smooth curve of his neck to the sharp angles of his hips, and he had found himself stroking the bones where at one point he would have possessed flesh, comparing. He could not remember if his throat had been as slender as Janos', or if his navel had been such a delicate little indent. From vague memories of Kain's tongue traveling down his body, he was fairly sure his stomach had been a little more muscular, but there was something so very appealing about the flatness of the ancient's.
Forcing nerves aside, Raziel reached out carefully and touched the tip of his claw to Janos' cheek, laughing very quietly to himself at the twitchiness this induced in the ancient. A tightness in what remained of his chest swallowed Raziel for a moment as he wondered if it would be fair for himself to refer to Janos as his lover. Once again it seemed wrong to even suggest the beautiful creature was in any way connected with him, even though the half-formed word on Janos' sleeping lips was his name.
Raziel had once overheard an infatuated fledgling referring to him as the most beautiful vampire in all of Nosgoth, and he knew full well that he had been the best-looking of his brethren. Those looks had disappeared in the abyss, melting away to leave him as this angel of death the mortals would fear to make a mural of, but he had started learning to accept his curious form. And if he was an angel of death, what was Janos? He had seen demons and knew they did not match up to human description, so was Janos one of their angels? Or was he something more, something greater?
Dark Gods, Kain and Vorador alike had termed their race. But deities were human fictions. The Elder God was no divine being of virtue bestowing his blessings on the land. He was a squirming, malevolent beast, raping the land with his insidious words and orchestrations. Janos on the other hand had been portrayed as a drooling, unstoppable monster who terrorised the local villages, but in person was nothing but gentleness and understanding, with a tendency to bruise easily. The faint purple outlines of ribs on his chest was proof of that.
Raziel folded his arms, pondering to himself how something like Janos could happen to him. Hell, how it could happen to Nosgoth. It seemed as illogical as a field first set alight and then kept in permanent shade producing a rose. And as would happen with that situation, no-one had seen the rose for what it was, because how could something like that bloom in the middle of such adversity?
Perhaps it was the fact his own survival was so impossible which had led Raziel here in the end. Even though it seemed preposterous to say so, they seemed to fit; one holding onto blind unchanging faith, one disillusioned and forced to reassess his beliefs with every single new meeting or discovery. One flawless, one ruined.
"Hnnm, Sora-" Janos murmured before jerking and blinking a few times in confusion. "Hello?"
"Good morning," Raziel commented, somewhat amused as Janos shifted to sit up, looking terribly disoriented. "Did I wake you?"
"No, no..." Janos pressed a hand to his forehead, squeezing his eyes together tightly. "I had the... strangest dream. Sorry, what are you-" He stopped mid-sentence, rubbed his eyes once more before tilting his head slightly and smiling. "How long have you been watching me?"
Raziel was suddenly thankful for his inability to blush as he replied, "I haven't stopped."
"You should have slept," Janos said with a wry smile before reaching out and taking Raziel's arm, frowning slightly when the reaver flinched. "Raziel? Are you alright?"
"Yes, I'm fine, I just-" Raziel stuttered slightly, searching for words before realising Janos' look wasn't asking for anything more.
The ancient pulled his lover closer, pushing the bedsheet off Raziel's head. "You look like a human monk in that," Janos laughed quietly before patting the space immediately in front of him. "Lie down."
Raziel obeyed awkwardly, careful not to accidentally touch any of his skin to Janos' as he stretched out, staring a little wide-eyed when Janos used a claw to tilt his upper jaw upwards.
"You don't need to be frightened anymore," Janos said softly before shifting forward suddenly and using his free arm to hold Raziel in place as he made sure as much of their fronts were touching as possible. Raziel closed his eyes, afraid to believe as Janos pressed soft lips right up against his ear and whispered, "I'm real, Raziel."
Raziel reached his arms around Janos after another moment and opened his eyes, looking down at where his hands rested against Janos' flesh, before relaxing slowly.
So he didn't know how Janos did what he did, how the ancient crawled underneath his mental skin and in a few days had become closer to him than anyone else he had met in his immortality.
And maybe he didn't have wings of his own with which to fly alongside Janos, but it didn't stop Janos being able to blow him away, make him feel like he was gliding on silver winds.
But whatever it was Janos did, whatever it was that Janos thought or said, it was good, and for the first time immortality felt like it might not be a curse. The idea of spending a few hundred mortal lifetimes getting to learn every little thing Janos did sounded like a blessing - better than the human concepts of 'heaven', certainly. An eternity at the Elder God's side didn't appeal under any circumstances.
Raziel was tired of hiding, tired of fearing, tired of being angry. Tired of being tired.
"Thank you," He whispered softly to Janos before tightening his hold on the ancient and closing his eyes, slipping away into a deep, dreamless, blessedly dark sleep.
- The End
Rated R for yaoi.
Summary: Janos/Raziel romantic angst.
Disclaimer: Non-profit fanfiction. I own none of this. The scenario is Neofox's, and the characters are property of Crystal Dynamics. Lucky things.
Dedicated: To neofox, who drew this *beautiful* picture which is responsible for inspiring me to write this. Go and worship her :).
Archiving: Anywhere Neofox wants it to go, my fic journal goldenguttering, my site, and fanfiction.net.
Notes: Happy birthday miss, and I hope you like this, regardless of its shortness. It's all yours. Hope you enjoy the next year even more than you enjoyed this last one :)! Apologies for posting it so early before your birthday, but I wanted to update my site before nipping back to uni, and I'm going to be overloaded with work the first week back, so sorry my dear. *smooch*
Raziel would not sleep.
To be honest, he had no idea whether he actually could. In the time before he was thrown into the abyss, vampires could stay awake forever if it suited them to, so it would seem reasonable to assume he still could. Nonetheless, courtesy of the demons, mortals and demi-gods baying for his hide, there had been no opportunities to try and rest. Until now.
But even here he would not risk closing his eyes for longer than necessary. Not that there was any immediate danger; more that he was frightened of discovering he was dreaming this moment after passing out in some godawful swamp.
He pulled his portion of the bedsheet tighter around himself, inadvertently exposing more of Janos' back and hip to the air. Thankfully the ancient's wings seemed to be making decent makeshift blankets, else Raziel would have been compelled to adjust the sheets, risking touching Janos' skin and making the ancient disappear.
Janos could not be real, Raziel's mind kept telling him. How could anything that beautiful, that perfect, be sharing the same bed as him?
Raziel had lived for millennia, time enough to develop an intimidating vocabulary, but there were no words to describe Janos in person. Murals had attempted to capture his grace, his nobility, but nothing came close. Raziel had not known the look Janos had given him earlier that night, the one which in an instant seemed to share his suffering and fight to take it away, was even possible.
Not that sight was the only sense to be stimulated. And God, sweet God, touch was involved. Raziel had never forgotten from his vampiric life what it felt like to be embraced, or to feel someone inside you. What he had forgotten - and in the latter case, never experienced - was how it felt for such actions to mean something. Janos' first tentative nuzzle of Raziel's nose with his own had made Raziel sore in a way a million kisses with Kain before the fall never could. Somewhere in the abyss, his heart managed a beat.
There had been more touch later on. Words and whispers melting away with Janos' clothes and Raziel submitting to an act only Janos could complete. Somehow, it had made things even better. There was no race to finish, he could watch Janos' every change of expression with ease, and the loss of a focus for his pleasure meant every caress, every strangely placed kiss or lick, felt like the first gold breath of Nosgoth's unspoilt sun on his skin.
Finding a rhythm had been somewhat awkward being as Raziel did not have any natural inclination to move, and the first few attempts had ended with the two of them bursting into laughter, and the beginning of some interesting bruises on Janos' chest. Shortly afterwards, they changed positions so that Raziel could ride, allowing Janos to grip his hips and guide their movements.
Raziel had never accepted pain so willingly before in his existence. And while he had not been able to peak as Janos did, he had certainly felt waves of sensation shivering up his spine with Janos' every movement.
And orgasmic or not, he could not help but cry out in sympathy with Janos as the ancient came, brows furrowed, eyes closed, and trembling like a newborn.
Janos had moved to lie on his side afterwards, wings draped half over himself and half over the edge of the bed, eyes regarding Raziel with the sort of undisguised affection usually reserved by a mother for her child. Raziel could not tear himself away from that gaze, no matter how much it disturbed him to be regarded as though he were the most beautiful thing in Janos' life, and had found himself clinging to the bedsheets for security.
Much as he was doing now, to be truthful.
He should have tired of staring at Janos some time after the ancient fell into a light sleep, but no. Every line of Janos' body fascinated him, from the smooth curve of his neck to the sharp angles of his hips, and he had found himself stroking the bones where at one point he would have possessed flesh, comparing. He could not remember if his throat had been as slender as Janos', or if his navel had been such a delicate little indent. From vague memories of Kain's tongue traveling down his body, he was fairly sure his stomach had been a little more muscular, but there was something so very appealing about the flatness of the ancient's.
Forcing nerves aside, Raziel reached out carefully and touched the tip of his claw to Janos' cheek, laughing very quietly to himself at the twitchiness this induced in the ancient. A tightness in what remained of his chest swallowed Raziel for a moment as he wondered if it would be fair for himself to refer to Janos as his lover. Once again it seemed wrong to even suggest the beautiful creature was in any way connected with him, even though the half-formed word on Janos' sleeping lips was his name.
Raziel had once overheard an infatuated fledgling referring to him as the most beautiful vampire in all of Nosgoth, and he knew full well that he had been the best-looking of his brethren. Those looks had disappeared in the abyss, melting away to leave him as this angel of death the mortals would fear to make a mural of, but he had started learning to accept his curious form. And if he was an angel of death, what was Janos? He had seen demons and knew they did not match up to human description, so was Janos one of their angels? Or was he something more, something greater?
Dark Gods, Kain and Vorador alike had termed their race. But deities were human fictions. The Elder God was no divine being of virtue bestowing his blessings on the land. He was a squirming, malevolent beast, raping the land with his insidious words and orchestrations. Janos on the other hand had been portrayed as a drooling, unstoppable monster who terrorised the local villages, but in person was nothing but gentleness and understanding, with a tendency to bruise easily. The faint purple outlines of ribs on his chest was proof of that.
Raziel folded his arms, pondering to himself how something like Janos could happen to him. Hell, how it could happen to Nosgoth. It seemed as illogical as a field first set alight and then kept in permanent shade producing a rose. And as would happen with that situation, no-one had seen the rose for what it was, because how could something like that bloom in the middle of such adversity?
Perhaps it was the fact his own survival was so impossible which had led Raziel here in the end. Even though it seemed preposterous to say so, they seemed to fit; one holding onto blind unchanging faith, one disillusioned and forced to reassess his beliefs with every single new meeting or discovery. One flawless, one ruined.
"Hnnm, Sora-" Janos murmured before jerking and blinking a few times in confusion. "Hello?"
"Good morning," Raziel commented, somewhat amused as Janos shifted to sit up, looking terribly disoriented. "Did I wake you?"
"No, no..." Janos pressed a hand to his forehead, squeezing his eyes together tightly. "I had the... strangest dream. Sorry, what are you-" He stopped mid-sentence, rubbed his eyes once more before tilting his head slightly and smiling. "How long have you been watching me?"
Raziel was suddenly thankful for his inability to blush as he replied, "I haven't stopped."
"You should have slept," Janos said with a wry smile before reaching out and taking Raziel's arm, frowning slightly when the reaver flinched. "Raziel? Are you alright?"
"Yes, I'm fine, I just-" Raziel stuttered slightly, searching for words before realising Janos' look wasn't asking for anything more.
The ancient pulled his lover closer, pushing the bedsheet off Raziel's head. "You look like a human monk in that," Janos laughed quietly before patting the space immediately in front of him. "Lie down."
Raziel obeyed awkwardly, careful not to accidentally touch any of his skin to Janos' as he stretched out, staring a little wide-eyed when Janos used a claw to tilt his upper jaw upwards.
"You don't need to be frightened anymore," Janos said softly before shifting forward suddenly and using his free arm to hold Raziel in place as he made sure as much of their fronts were touching as possible. Raziel closed his eyes, afraid to believe as Janos pressed soft lips right up against his ear and whispered, "I'm real, Raziel."
Raziel reached his arms around Janos after another moment and opened his eyes, looking down at where his hands rested against Janos' flesh, before relaxing slowly.
So he didn't know how Janos did what he did, how the ancient crawled underneath his mental skin and in a few days had become closer to him than anyone else he had met in his immortality.
And maybe he didn't have wings of his own with which to fly alongside Janos, but it didn't stop Janos being able to blow him away, make him feel like he was gliding on silver winds.
But whatever it was Janos did, whatever it was that Janos thought or said, it was good, and for the first time immortality felt like it might not be a curse. The idea of spending a few hundred mortal lifetimes getting to learn every little thing Janos did sounded like a blessing - better than the human concepts of 'heaven', certainly. An eternity at the Elder God's side didn't appeal under any circumstances.
Raziel was tired of hiding, tired of fearing, tired of being angry. Tired of being tired.
"Thank you," He whispered softly to Janos before tightening his hold on the ancient and closing his eyes, slipping away into a deep, dreamless, blessedly dark sleep.
- The End