May 22, 2005 15:23
i'm in an awfully sticky situation which i have never been in before. when i was... oh, dumber, i thought that it would be AWESOME to be in this situation. i thought, "hey, that'd be really cool! i'd be so awesome and have so much fun with this and feel so important." but i don't. i feel like shit. i feel like i'm hurting a very wonderful person, only the terrible thing is that i didn't do anything to hurt this person directly. and the even more terrible thing is that i want to hurt the other person, and not the very wonderful one. i want that one to be happy. i want us to be happy. but the not so wonderful person makes things difficult. but at the same time, i can't bring myself to be properly angry at them.
i really hate this. i hate this more than having no people. i'd almost say that i'd rather there were none, but then again, i don't want that if it means that i have to let both of them go. this is awful. i want to eat some sheep. you know, the chewy kind. so that.. i.. can uhm...
oh hell. i don't even know what i'm thinking anymore.