(no subject)
oh my soul.
tonight, church was amazing.
But anyone who does not love does not know God--for God is love.
-1John 4:8
AMEN!
Tonight-I realized these things.
- I'm not pursuing God with all that I am.
- I have other things in front of him.
- I'm struggling with ******** - & I can't believe it. These past months I've been so ok with it- & now I'm doing it again. Not cool Heather. not cool.
- I've lost the joy of my salvation-i miss it.
- I've lost a real, tasty love for life.
- I'm dull!
- I don't delight in God's laws like I used to.
GOSH! :(
The only thing I like about myself-spiritually-now days- is that I'm extremely sensative to God's grace-& that I have a soft, tender heart. I've missed being able to cry! & now I do all the time.
Good Lord. I miss it. & i miss the way things used to be. :( I miss joy-real, happiness! I miss seeing and hearing God speak to me in the smallest things- like my school lunch. I swear He did. EVERYTHING! everything meant somthing to me. I was so so happy. My heart overflowed with praise-out of my mouth & He was all I could speak about for the longest time. I miss being able to taste how good life was. I really really loved it. I awoke every morning with a new song to sing! The words "rejoice" & "salvation" meant so much to me.
I MISS IT JESUS. :(:(
I'm so deeply dissapointed in myself.
I'm stopping. I know what I'm stopping. and I'm stopping until all of that returns. I swear I am because all that means so much more to me then what I'm stopping ever ever will. I WANT TO EXPERIENCE GOD IN THE FULL AND I'M NOT & IT'S MAKING ME SAD!!!!
Hopefully-this will work.