stupid health care system
for those who are unaware, america's health care system sucks. a lot.
i'm really angry. I am angry with the system because my epilepsy is a "pre-existing condition" so if i don't get the right kind of coverage, and maintain the right kind, then later when I have to switch coverage my epilepsy may not be covered. Not that it matters to insurance companies that my epilepsy drugs are the most important and honestly my most prized possession. If I had to get rid of everything I own except for one thing, I would take my anti-seizure medication, because a life full of seizures is not a life worth living. think about that if you ever have a pet that has seizures and you can't afford their medicine. (i met someone who has a dog who has both petite mal and grand mal seizures. the dog has a grand mal seizure at least once a month. the family can't afford to medicate the dog, so the dog just has seizures. It took everything within me not to show the horror on my face and explain that she may be committing animal cruelty without realizing it. jon was really surprised to hear that i would rather be dead than have a seizure once a month, but it's true. without a doubt.)
i am not just angry with the system, though. I am angry because my mother does not seem to care at all about this. my sister has been helping me a lot because she works in the industry and is about to go back to school and get a joint law and masters degree in public health, but my mom, who has always been paranoid about my epilepsy, all of a sudden does not give a rat's ass. all she says is "well, that's why you need to get a job with the federal government that has a good group plan." she has said this to me since I was 12 years old. Every time she has mentioned, I have always said that I will not let my epilepsy determine my job. I am trying to go out and make New Orleans better. I am trying to give people homes. I have worked extremely hard for the past 8 years in school so that I can go out and get any job I want (with only a bachelors degree) and she has the nerve to tell me, again, that I need to get a job with the federal government. It's not being empathetic, it's not being supportive, and it makes me feel like she's resentful of my job and doesn't want me to do it. And that makes me angry.
In the past year and a half (essentially since I had my last seizure) I have learned that I cannot treat anxiety or acne as much as I would like to because of my stupid epilepsy. I have been told by 2 members of my family that I shouldn't go scuba diving because of my epilepsy. I think of what it would have been like to have gotten rid of my acne by age 15 and how much money, anxiety, and time that would have saved me. I would probably be a much more outgoing person. I think of how glorious it would be to be on a mild anti-anxiety drug this summer so that all of the stupid shit and stress happening in my life would not cause me to become sometimes almost immobile. (I'm not a big proponent of prescription drugs and think other methods should be used to treat mental conditions. But I know that it worked for me once and while I wouldn't be on them all the time, I would love to have the option of using medication when I need to.) I get angry because I could die in an f-ing bathtub. Should I stop taking baths?
I'm angry because I thought that I had overcome nearly every obstacle there was to overcome with my epilepsy. But society just keeps proving me wrong. At the very least I would expect support from family, especially after dealing with this for 10 years now. At the most I expect the next president and Congress to actually make the system functional. My mom says, "well that's just the way it is. Someone has to pay for it." my response was, "I don't think that's the right reaction to have. It's not 'just the way it is.' We shouldn't just accept it for what it is, we should strive to change it." Despite my mom's hatred for John McCain, I think she still end up voting for him just because she become ingrained in the ideology of the Republican party and because she doesn't seem to think change is possible. That's what working on the Hill will do to a person after 17 years. And I'm just tired. The world needs more idealists who can rationalize and come up with solutions.
i'm really angry. I am angry with the system because my epilepsy is a "pre-existing condition" so if i don't get the right kind of coverage, and maintain the right kind, then later when I have to switch coverage my epilepsy may not be covered. Not that it matters to insurance companies that my epilepsy drugs are the most important and honestly my most prized possession. If I had to get rid of everything I own except for one thing, I would take my anti-seizure medication, because a life full of seizures is not a life worth living. think about that if you ever have a pet that has seizures and you can't afford their medicine. (i met someone who has a dog who has both petite mal and grand mal seizures. the dog has a grand mal seizure at least once a month. the family can't afford to medicate the dog, so the dog just has seizures. It took everything within me not to show the horror on my face and explain that she may be committing animal cruelty without realizing it. jon was really surprised to hear that i would rather be dead than have a seizure once a month, but it's true. without a doubt.)
i am not just angry with the system, though. I am angry because my mother does not seem to care at all about this. my sister has been helping me a lot because she works in the industry and is about to go back to school and get a joint law and masters degree in public health, but my mom, who has always been paranoid about my epilepsy, all of a sudden does not give a rat's ass. all she says is "well, that's why you need to get a job with the federal government that has a good group plan." she has said this to me since I was 12 years old. Every time she has mentioned, I have always said that I will not let my epilepsy determine my job. I am trying to go out and make New Orleans better. I am trying to give people homes. I have worked extremely hard for the past 8 years in school so that I can go out and get any job I want (with only a bachelors degree) and she has the nerve to tell me, again, that I need to get a job with the federal government. It's not being empathetic, it's not being supportive, and it makes me feel like she's resentful of my job and doesn't want me to do it. And that makes me angry.
In the past year and a half (essentially since I had my last seizure) I have learned that I cannot treat anxiety or acne as much as I would like to because of my stupid epilepsy. I have been told by 2 members of my family that I shouldn't go scuba diving because of my epilepsy. I think of what it would have been like to have gotten rid of my acne by age 15 and how much money, anxiety, and time that would have saved me. I would probably be a much more outgoing person. I think of how glorious it would be to be on a mild anti-anxiety drug this summer so that all of the stupid shit and stress happening in my life would not cause me to become sometimes almost immobile. (I'm not a big proponent of prescription drugs and think other methods should be used to treat mental conditions. But I know that it worked for me once and while I wouldn't be on them all the time, I would love to have the option of using medication when I need to.) I get angry because I could die in an f-ing bathtub. Should I stop taking baths?
I'm angry because I thought that I had overcome nearly every obstacle there was to overcome with my epilepsy. But society just keeps proving me wrong. At the very least I would expect support from family, especially after dealing with this for 10 years now. At the most I expect the next president and Congress to actually make the system functional. My mom says, "well that's just the way it is. Someone has to pay for it." my response was, "I don't think that's the right reaction to have. It's not 'just the way it is.' We shouldn't just accept it for what it is, we should strive to change it." Despite my mom's hatred for John McCain, I think she still end up voting for him just because she become ingrained in the ideology of the Republican party and because she doesn't seem to think change is possible. That's what working on the Hill will do to a person after 17 years. And I'm just tired. The world needs more idealists who can rationalize and come up with solutions.