Fic: Lullaby (Lilly, Ensemble) R
Title: “Lullaby”
Author: em2mb
Pairing/Character: Jake, Lilly/Weevil, Duncan, Lilly/Logan, Logan/Veronica.
Word Count: 1,307
Rating: R
Summary: Sometimes Veronica Mars wonders if Lilly Kane ever existed at all. She’s remembered as a daughter, a sister, a lover, a friend, as everything and nothing at all.
Spoilers: Generally through 2x22, “Not Pictured.”
Warnings: Sex, lies and betrayal. Unbeta’d.
Author's Notes: A series of ficlets from my own churning thoughts, aptly timed for the end of the show. Title from the Counting Crow’s song, “Mrs. Potter’s Lullaby,” lyrics used throughout. Rob Thomas owns the characters, but he’s really bad about playing with them, so I’m taking over. If you can come up with a word it fits from my 100_situations table, then I will happily dedicate a word of your choosing to you.
(1) if dreams are like movies, then memories are films about ghosts
Jake Kane lost his daughter once, years before October third.
Celeste immediately disapproved of his plan to take Lilly, then three, and Duncan, then two, to the beach one Saturday afternoon. But he was close to launching one of the greatest technological innovations of all time, and watching two toddlers for a couple of hours seemed easy in comparison.
Until Duncan laughingly threw sand in his face, and he lost sight of Lilly for a second.
For a second.
He scanned the beach frantically for her bright blonde hair or ruffled pink two-piece before taking off barefoot across the hot sand, shouting her name. At the lifeguard stand, Duncan began to wail for his older sister’s company.
An hour later, there was still no sign of Lilly, but another lifeguard from down the beach radioed that a little girl’s body had been found in the surf. Jake hit his knees, almost dropping his son in the process. It couldn’t have been, it simply couldn’t have-
“Daddy, Daddy, what’s wrong?”
Lilly, pigeon-toed in her pink jelly sandals, stared at him curiously as he scooped her into his arms, the popsicle she had mysteriously acquired in her absence dripping all over Duncan.
Years after October third, Jake Kane half-expected that little girl from the beach to ask what was wrong every time he cried.
(2) though I’ll never forget your face, sometimes I can’t remember my name
A decade after she died, Eli Navarro still brought her flowers sometimes. Always before church, always on Sunday mornings.
He can trace the significance back to stolen moments in his youth, sneaking out the bedroom window of a white girl who didn’t want to see him go. He’d tiptoe carefully across the floor, always littered with champagne glasses and bottles of tequila from the night before, trying to gather his clothes without waking her.
He was never quiet enough.
Lilly would wait until he had one leg over the ledge before stretching her arms above her head to reveal her bare breasts beneath the sheet. She’d pout and ask him why he was wearing so many clothes. Weevil always came back to her bed, but only to tell her he had to go.
At first she accused him of fearing Celeste. He’d chuckled and kissed her hard.
Then she accused him of fearing God.
When Weevil said nothing, it had been Lilly’s turn to laugh, and she’d slid her hand back into his pants. So every Sunday he went to church, not just to repent for sins committed as leader of a motorcycle gang but for sins committed with a certain blonde whose every word he worshipped.
When Lilly died, Weevil had flown into a blind rage and smashed his grandmother’s statue of the Virgin Mary. Going to church made him dizzy, light-headed, hard. He continued to hear her offer to suck him off in a confessional.
Eli Navarro didn’t always go to church anymore, but when he did, he brought Lilly Kane flowers and wondered when she had become his religion.
(3) the ghosts of the tilt-a-whirl will linger inside your head
Even when he named his daughter, Duncan Kane realized the last thing he wanted was for her to turn out like her namesake. If she were blessed with her aunt’s energy and passion, then so be it. But Lilly had been reckless, too.
If she hadn’t, he wouldn’t have had her name to use at seventeen.
Starting when little Lilly turned two, Logan began slipping away from Veronica twice a year to come to Australia and surf. He’d toss his goddaughter in the air and call her Lilly two-point-oh, and Duncan would shudder.
“Don’t call her that,” he’d tell Logan. “She’s not software.”
Logan would tickle little Lilly’s sides until she shrieked: “Lilly Lilly two point oh!”
Later, shiny computer science degree in hand, Duncan would telecommute to work for his father’s company back in the States. He’d never take over the family business from Mollymook, but he helped where he could. The more time he spent developing and beta-testing new versions of patented Kane software, the more Logan’s words haunted him.
Until one day they didn’t.
Duncan Kane changed his mind. He wanted his Lilly to be just like his sister, only fresher, faster, free of the trials that plagued her namesake. He hadn’t meant for little Lilly to replace his sister, but he hadn’t known how adorable “fabulous” could sound said in an Australian accent, either.
(4) I can bleed as well as anyone, but I need someone to help me sleep
Once upon a time, Logan Echolls supposed all of his dreams were about Lilly Kane, his day dreams and his dream dreams and his wet dreams especially. After she’d died and again when his father was arrested, his nightmares had been about her, too.
Then he’d grown up and fallen in love and gotten married and replaced her in his thoughts and fantasies with another blonde. He hadn’t needed Lilly to take a starring role any longer.
Only sometimes when he dreamed of Veronica, he dreamed of Lilly, too.
But not in the clichéd way he had at fifteen, with Lilly on top of her younger friend, silkily urging Veronica to come. He’d stopped putting them in the same bed (same bathtub same shower same space on the floor) the day his father smashed Lilly’s head in with an ashtray. There were too many lies and betrayals surrounding her in death to make her the masturbation fantasy she’d been in life.
So, instead, Logan dreamed in innocent memories and whitewashed possibilities, with matching denim skirts and pink sweaters, pep squad carwashes and pom practice on Thursdays, all the afternoons on the beach, day trips to Catalina, birthdays, holidays, graduations and weddings that could have been.
He always felt guilty when he woke up, and he would wrap himself more tightly around the living, breathing blonde slumbering next him.
The night he splayed his hand against Veronica’s belly as she slept and felt their son kick for the first time, Logan Echolls realized he felt guilt not out of obligation to his wife, but out of obligation to his long ago girlfriend, for liking the way things actually turned out better.
(5) I know I don’t know you, and you’re probably not what you seem
Years pass, and sometimes Veronica Mars wonders if Lilly Kane ever existed at all.
She refuses to let anyone stand in Lilly’s place at her side when she marries Logan, and they line the hallways of their home with photos, including Lilly’s. Sometimes when she braids her daughters’ hair, she tells stories about Lilly.
For someone who never existed, Veronica knows a lot about Lilly Kane.
Of course, Lilly did exist and the proof is all around her, but it’s one thing to say my best friend died in high school and another to grasp the reality. She’s a private investigator today because of the turn of events Lilly’s death caused, and Logan’s wife, but sometimes all she can do is stop and stare at Lilly’s picture on the way to kitchen.
They were best friends.
Or were they? Veronica isn’t sure what the standard protocol is for secrets and lies, sex and murder. When Lilly was alive, she always thought she knew where she stood with the older girl. Now, she’s not so sure
Logan tells her Lilly loved her. She can be certain of it, he says, but he kisses her forehead and holds her when he does, and Veronica knows he has his own doubts. Lilly paid the ultimate price for her actions, but they all suffered.
At seventeen, Veronica Mars solved her best friend’s murder, but at twenty-seven, she’s still not sure who Lilly Kane was.
Author: em2mb
Pairing/Character: Jake, Lilly/Weevil, Duncan, Lilly/Logan, Logan/Veronica.
Word Count: 1,307
Rating: R
Summary: Sometimes Veronica Mars wonders if Lilly Kane ever existed at all. She’s remembered as a daughter, a sister, a lover, a friend, as everything and nothing at all.
Spoilers: Generally through 2x22, “Not Pictured.”
Warnings: Sex, lies and betrayal. Unbeta’d.
Author's Notes: A series of ficlets from my own churning thoughts, aptly timed for the end of the show. Title from the Counting Crow’s song, “Mrs. Potter’s Lullaby,” lyrics used throughout. Rob Thomas owns the characters, but he’s really bad about playing with them, so I’m taking over. If you can come up with a word it fits from my 100_situations table, then I will happily dedicate a word of your choosing to you.
(1) if dreams are like movies, then memories are films about ghosts
Jake Kane lost his daughter once, years before October third.
Celeste immediately disapproved of his plan to take Lilly, then three, and Duncan, then two, to the beach one Saturday afternoon. But he was close to launching one of the greatest technological innovations of all time, and watching two toddlers for a couple of hours seemed easy in comparison.
Until Duncan laughingly threw sand in his face, and he lost sight of Lilly for a second.
For a second.
He scanned the beach frantically for her bright blonde hair or ruffled pink two-piece before taking off barefoot across the hot sand, shouting her name. At the lifeguard stand, Duncan began to wail for his older sister’s company.
An hour later, there was still no sign of Lilly, but another lifeguard from down the beach radioed that a little girl’s body had been found in the surf. Jake hit his knees, almost dropping his son in the process. It couldn’t have been, it simply couldn’t have-
“Daddy, Daddy, what’s wrong?”
Lilly, pigeon-toed in her pink jelly sandals, stared at him curiously as he scooped her into his arms, the popsicle she had mysteriously acquired in her absence dripping all over Duncan.
Years after October third, Jake Kane half-expected that little girl from the beach to ask what was wrong every time he cried.
(2) though I’ll never forget your face, sometimes I can’t remember my name
A decade after she died, Eli Navarro still brought her flowers sometimes. Always before church, always on Sunday mornings.
He can trace the significance back to stolen moments in his youth, sneaking out the bedroom window of a white girl who didn’t want to see him go. He’d tiptoe carefully across the floor, always littered with champagne glasses and bottles of tequila from the night before, trying to gather his clothes without waking her.
He was never quiet enough.
Lilly would wait until he had one leg over the ledge before stretching her arms above her head to reveal her bare breasts beneath the sheet. She’d pout and ask him why he was wearing so many clothes. Weevil always came back to her bed, but only to tell her he had to go.
At first she accused him of fearing Celeste. He’d chuckled and kissed her hard.
Then she accused him of fearing God.
When Weevil said nothing, it had been Lilly’s turn to laugh, and she’d slid her hand back into his pants. So every Sunday he went to church, not just to repent for sins committed as leader of a motorcycle gang but for sins committed with a certain blonde whose every word he worshipped.
When Lilly died, Weevil had flown into a blind rage and smashed his grandmother’s statue of the Virgin Mary. Going to church made him dizzy, light-headed, hard. He continued to hear her offer to suck him off in a confessional.
Eli Navarro didn’t always go to church anymore, but when he did, he brought Lilly Kane flowers and wondered when she had become his religion.
(3) the ghosts of the tilt-a-whirl will linger inside your head
Even when he named his daughter, Duncan Kane realized the last thing he wanted was for her to turn out like her namesake. If she were blessed with her aunt’s energy and passion, then so be it. But Lilly had been reckless, too.
If she hadn’t, he wouldn’t have had her name to use at seventeen.
Starting when little Lilly turned two, Logan began slipping away from Veronica twice a year to come to Australia and surf. He’d toss his goddaughter in the air and call her Lilly two-point-oh, and Duncan would shudder.
“Don’t call her that,” he’d tell Logan. “She’s not software.”
Logan would tickle little Lilly’s sides until she shrieked: “Lilly Lilly two point oh!”
Later, shiny computer science degree in hand, Duncan would telecommute to work for his father’s company back in the States. He’d never take over the family business from Mollymook, but he helped where he could. The more time he spent developing and beta-testing new versions of patented Kane software, the more Logan’s words haunted him.
Until one day they didn’t.
Duncan Kane changed his mind. He wanted his Lilly to be just like his sister, only fresher, faster, free of the trials that plagued her namesake. He hadn’t meant for little Lilly to replace his sister, but he hadn’t known how adorable “fabulous” could sound said in an Australian accent, either.
(4) I can bleed as well as anyone, but I need someone to help me sleep
Once upon a time, Logan Echolls supposed all of his dreams were about Lilly Kane, his day dreams and his dream dreams and his wet dreams especially. After she’d died and again when his father was arrested, his nightmares had been about her, too.
Then he’d grown up and fallen in love and gotten married and replaced her in his thoughts and fantasies with another blonde. He hadn’t needed Lilly to take a starring role any longer.
Only sometimes when he dreamed of Veronica, he dreamed of Lilly, too.
But not in the clichéd way he had at fifteen, with Lilly on top of her younger friend, silkily urging Veronica to come. He’d stopped putting them in the same bed (same bathtub same shower same space on the floor) the day his father smashed Lilly’s head in with an ashtray. There were too many lies and betrayals surrounding her in death to make her the masturbation fantasy she’d been in life.
So, instead, Logan dreamed in innocent memories and whitewashed possibilities, with matching denim skirts and pink sweaters, pep squad carwashes and pom practice on Thursdays, all the afternoons on the beach, day trips to Catalina, birthdays, holidays, graduations and weddings that could have been.
He always felt guilty when he woke up, and he would wrap himself more tightly around the living, breathing blonde slumbering next him.
The night he splayed his hand against Veronica’s belly as she slept and felt their son kick for the first time, Logan Echolls realized he felt guilt not out of obligation to his wife, but out of obligation to his long ago girlfriend, for liking the way things actually turned out better.
(5) I know I don’t know you, and you’re probably not what you seem
Years pass, and sometimes Veronica Mars wonders if Lilly Kane ever existed at all.
She refuses to let anyone stand in Lilly’s place at her side when she marries Logan, and they line the hallways of their home with photos, including Lilly’s. Sometimes when she braids her daughters’ hair, she tells stories about Lilly.
For someone who never existed, Veronica knows a lot about Lilly Kane.
Of course, Lilly did exist and the proof is all around her, but it’s one thing to say my best friend died in high school and another to grasp the reality. She’s a private investigator today because of the turn of events Lilly’s death caused, and Logan’s wife, but sometimes all she can do is stop and stare at Lilly’s picture on the way to kitchen.
They were best friends.
Or were they? Veronica isn’t sure what the standard protocol is for secrets and lies, sex and murder. When Lilly was alive, she always thought she knew where she stood with the older girl. Now, she’s not so sure
Logan tells her Lilly loved her. She can be certain of it, he says, but he kisses her forehead and holds her when he does, and Veronica knows he has his own doubts. Lilly paid the ultimate price for her actions, but they all suffered.
At seventeen, Veronica Mars solved her best friend’s murder, but at twenty-seven, she’s still not sure who Lilly Kane was.