Camera Shy,But Still A Star
Yo Yo Yo!! Im bacck from South America!! I had a really good time, It was really nice to get away from all the bull shit and drama I had going on here, It was like..peaceful, I got to see my family and people I hadnt seen since I was really young, and I also caught myself thinking alot and these are the conclusions Ive come up with:
Im not going to try to please people anymore, you dont like me. tough shit then dont pretend to like me and give me all this shit and milk me and then talk shit behind my back..nuh uh not cool
Im also not going to sit here and sob about what Ive lost and what i dont have, its done and over with, whats me crying going to help? me thinking myself into a depression...its not gonna help anything or make anything better, all it did was make me sick and depressed, for no good reason. yes..it was fun while it lasted but its over now. and Ive finally accepted that.
I need to start paying attention to the people who actually care about me rather than waste my time with people who dont, or blow off the people who mean the most to me..I may not have alot of friends but the friends I do have completely and totally kick ass!!
I also need to start hanging out with more of a varity of people. I mean I love sitting here by myself and doing nothing or hanging out with Cynthia and do nothing, but I'd rather be out...and Me and Cynthia talked the other day and I think Im gonna start hanging out with her and her boyfriend and Jed and all them more, because I mean there all amazing people, Jed..totally kicks ass, to talk to him about music is insane because he knows SO much about it. Its nuts. and Hes sooo caring...and its nice to have a friend like that..and Shane and Zack and Kc and all of them. their all really cool people, and i feel bad that ive just kinda blown everyone off cuz of my own stupid self beingness. i suppose you could say. So im working on that
The relationship with my parents/grandma. okay theres not really much to say about all that, while i was in South America me and my dad got along really well, we'd always walk by ourselves to get coffee and talk and walk around the beach, and it was nice...really nice..he told me he loved me for the first time in years...and now that we're back home its back to the same bull shit..I knew it was gonna happen like that..whatever its fine, and with my grandma ive sort of given up, shes old..and shes prolly going soon so i should just dust it off my shoulders and if she talks shit i'll just slap her in the face lol.. I mean Cynthias my life, my everything and shes most of my reason to breathe and smile and be who I am. and if she cant accept that, then fuck her lol...whatever...
Yeah wow that was really long, I just wanted to let everyone know that Ive changed in the course of 3 weeks..Its nice to be able to wake up in the morning and smile..and be happy. I have no reason to be unhappy so why make an excuse for myself to be? ya kno?
I also went to a band concert tonight!!! I saw all my wittle band frienddss! and I saw Jose!!!!! Hes sooo awesome ! i <3 that kid to the max for sure. lol...and I saw Brent!! hes gotten cuter himself..hmm lol..jk cynthia..jk...lol..
and Ive been talking to Mario again, hes such an amazing guy, i totally <3 him too, we went to Jamba Juice the other night and we saw him and it was like ...cool...i got all nervous like a little girl haha...its crazy..i have the craziest crush on that kid lol...me and him hung out the first night I got back, it was reallyy cool, we were all flirty and cute lol...its cute..Cynthia keeps like pushing me to hang out with him to see where it takes us haha..i dunno though...i dont know... we shall see we shall see
hmmm anything else? lol I dont think so!!! Leave commmentss!!!!!!!<3 love you all. I hope everyone had a great christmas and new years!!!!!
Im not going to try to please people anymore, you dont like me. tough shit then dont pretend to like me and give me all this shit and milk me and then talk shit behind my back..nuh uh not cool
Im also not going to sit here and sob about what Ive lost and what i dont have, its done and over with, whats me crying going to help? me thinking myself into a depression...its not gonna help anything or make anything better, all it did was make me sick and depressed, for no good reason. yes..it was fun while it lasted but its over now. and Ive finally accepted that.
I need to start paying attention to the people who actually care about me rather than waste my time with people who dont, or blow off the people who mean the most to me..I may not have alot of friends but the friends I do have completely and totally kick ass!!
I also need to start hanging out with more of a varity of people. I mean I love sitting here by myself and doing nothing or hanging out with Cynthia and do nothing, but I'd rather be out...and Me and Cynthia talked the other day and I think Im gonna start hanging out with her and her boyfriend and Jed and all them more, because I mean there all amazing people, Jed..totally kicks ass, to talk to him about music is insane because he knows SO much about it. Its nuts. and Hes sooo caring...and its nice to have a friend like that..and Shane and Zack and Kc and all of them. their all really cool people, and i feel bad that ive just kinda blown everyone off cuz of my own stupid self beingness. i suppose you could say. So im working on that
The relationship with my parents/grandma. okay theres not really much to say about all that, while i was in South America me and my dad got along really well, we'd always walk by ourselves to get coffee and talk and walk around the beach, and it was nice...really nice..he told me he loved me for the first time in years...and now that we're back home its back to the same bull shit..I knew it was gonna happen like that..whatever its fine, and with my grandma ive sort of given up, shes old..and shes prolly going soon so i should just dust it off my shoulders and if she talks shit i'll just slap her in the face lol.. I mean Cynthias my life, my everything and shes most of my reason to breathe and smile and be who I am. and if she cant accept that, then fuck her lol...whatever...
Yeah wow that was really long, I just wanted to let everyone know that Ive changed in the course of 3 weeks..Its nice to be able to wake up in the morning and smile..and be happy. I have no reason to be unhappy so why make an excuse for myself to be? ya kno?
I also went to a band concert tonight!!! I saw all my wittle band frienddss! and I saw Jose!!!!! Hes sooo awesome ! i <3 that kid to the max for sure. lol...and I saw Brent!! hes gotten cuter himself..hmm lol..jk cynthia..jk...lol..
and Ive been talking to Mario again, hes such an amazing guy, i totally <3 him too, we went to Jamba Juice the other night and we saw him and it was like ...cool...i got all nervous like a little girl haha...its crazy..i have the craziest crush on that kid lol...me and him hung out the first night I got back, it was reallyy cool, we were all flirty and cute lol...its cute..Cynthia keeps like pushing me to hang out with him to see where it takes us haha..i dunno though...i dont know... we shall see we shall see
hmmm anything else? lol I dont think so!!! Leave commmentss!!!!!!!<3 love you all. I hope everyone had a great christmas and new years!!!!!