(no subject)
Have you ever stopped to consider the basis for each of your friendships (your true ones) or more precisely the "base" on which it is built? It must be clearly understood that each true Friendship arises out of a mutual admiration for some "thing" (not for each other) which other people cannot or choose not to understand or care about. Friendships most always begin with some manner of (though not always explicitly stated) "oh you too? I thought I was the only one..." And keeping this beginning of friendships in mind can help us to understand and accept when one ends.
This became jarringly clear to me recently in reference to my friend Karen. Our friendship was strong and intense while it lasted but, for me, painfuly short. It was built upon our mutual poverty of erotic love (though not solely upon this). Once she became rich in this area our conversations became shorter and our meetings almost non-existant. I would be a liar if I did not admit that this hurt me quite a bit at first, but once I realized the true basis of our friendship I was able to cope and actually found joy in her recieving what she so intensly desired (and so richly deserved). For once she became rich where she had previously been poor like me we lost the common ground on which our friendship was built; our common "path" in life diverged and she went her way, I traveled mine. My initial selfish instinct said to me "she doesn't need me anymore" but that came about only because I needed her to need me to fulfill my own pride that I was the type of person who could be "needed". We still converse occasionally about our other common interest (our inability to get the affection we desire from Emily) but since we are both in a place now where that interest isn't very strong, or at least not very high on the priority list, it isn't much ground for building great things upon. But it was infinitely important for me to come to this realization, else my own selfish "need to be needed" might have cause me to resent her for not needing me like I needed her, which is absurd.
I urge you, if you are holding on to resentment for friendships that have ended this way, to think it over and forgive the other party, although in truth they've done nothing wrong. Learn to find joy in friends that have gone their seperate ways, perhaps you had a positive effect on their life that you aren't even aware of.
Also, as a somewhat unrelated note: Always remember that our poverties make us whole but they do not make us Holy.
P.S. I'm updating at work so I haven't proofread this. I apologize for poor grammar or incorrect spellings.
This became jarringly clear to me recently in reference to my friend Karen. Our friendship was strong and intense while it lasted but, for me, painfuly short. It was built upon our mutual poverty of erotic love (though not solely upon this). Once she became rich in this area our conversations became shorter and our meetings almost non-existant. I would be a liar if I did not admit that this hurt me quite a bit at first, but once I realized the true basis of our friendship I was able to cope and actually found joy in her recieving what she so intensly desired (and so richly deserved). For once she became rich where she had previously been poor like me we lost the common ground on which our friendship was built; our common "path" in life diverged and she went her way, I traveled mine. My initial selfish instinct said to me "she doesn't need me anymore" but that came about only because I needed her to need me to fulfill my own pride that I was the type of person who could be "needed". We still converse occasionally about our other common interest (our inability to get the affection we desire from Emily) but since we are both in a place now where that interest isn't very strong, or at least not very high on the priority list, it isn't much ground for building great things upon. But it was infinitely important for me to come to this realization, else my own selfish "need to be needed" might have cause me to resent her for not needing me like I needed her, which is absurd.
I urge you, if you are holding on to resentment for friendships that have ended this way, to think it over and forgive the other party, although in truth they've done nothing wrong. Learn to find joy in friends that have gone their seperate ways, perhaps you had a positive effect on their life that you aren't even aware of.
Also, as a somewhat unrelated note: Always remember that our poverties make us whole but they do not make us Holy.
P.S. I'm updating at work so I haven't proofread this. I apologize for poor grammar or incorrect spellings.