(no subject)
I've realized I've kind of been going through stages with everything that's been happening. Everything is slowly becoming more real.. and I'm not sure if it's good or bad. There are a lot of things that are good, but there is a lot that I'm not so sure about.
I guess most of it is coming into view because this Friday/Saturday is when I lose my internet/phone. Things from here on out will become increasingly hard on me. This month will be hell. I know this, but right at this point I've accepted it. Regardless of what this month holds me I can't fight it, it isn't my choice, it just is and as long as that is true... I just have to move through it and hope for the best.
Most of what I'm worrying about concerning it is being away from Brett for that long. That and trying to plan things on my own. I'm horrible with planning. I'm horrible with seeing things through because I heavily procrastinate on everything and I always think I have more time to get things done than I do... not only that... I hate planning absolutes when I don't know that any of it can actually happen. So... I have to actually kick myself into gear and plan everything about moving... Brett can't help me... because Brett won't be here and its likely I won't have any way of contacting him.
I'm scared of telling my family. But I'm slowly trying to own up to it. I told Josh today that I was going, and yes, I know Josh isn't my family, but its a step in the right direction. I also may have not told Mark that I was leaving for Oklahoma, but I did tell him I was dating someone from Oklahoma. So maybe its slowly getting through to me that in a month I'll no longer be here? (Still planning on leaving March 9th right now, but it could change to March 19th if anything hinders those plans.) His reaction? "Ha, mine is farther away, so I win." xDD (He's dating a girl from New Mexico.)
I'm starting to get a little scared about things... this is a huge change for me and I'm thinking about it way too much. But I'm hoping... that in then end... things will start to look up...
I guess most of it is coming into view because this Friday/Saturday is when I lose my internet/phone. Things from here on out will become increasingly hard on me. This month will be hell. I know this, but right at this point I've accepted it. Regardless of what this month holds me I can't fight it, it isn't my choice, it just is and as long as that is true... I just have to move through it and hope for the best.
Most of what I'm worrying about concerning it is being away from Brett for that long. That and trying to plan things on my own. I'm horrible with planning. I'm horrible with seeing things through because I heavily procrastinate on everything and I always think I have more time to get things done than I do... not only that... I hate planning absolutes when I don't know that any of it can actually happen. So... I have to actually kick myself into gear and plan everything about moving... Brett can't help me... because Brett won't be here and its likely I won't have any way of contacting him.
I'm scared of telling my family. But I'm slowly trying to own up to it. I told Josh today that I was going, and yes, I know Josh isn't my family, but its a step in the right direction. I also may have not told Mark that I was leaving for Oklahoma, but I did tell him I was dating someone from Oklahoma. So maybe its slowly getting through to me that in a month I'll no longer be here? (Still planning on leaving March 9th right now, but it could change to March 19th if anything hinders those plans.) His reaction? "Ha, mine is farther away, so I win." xDD (He's dating a girl from New Mexico.)
I'm starting to get a little scared about things... this is a huge change for me and I'm thinking about it way too much. But I'm hoping... that in then end... things will start to look up...