(no subject)
Today has been rather 'off' for me... I feel really down and sad. I've been doing really good not thinking about my ex, Dallas, for some time now. He does come to mind often but generally I'm just thinking about how I want to get my stuff back from him...not actually thinking about 'him'. I have my moments where something happens and all of a sudden I have this intense feeling of missing him...generally it happens around something we used to do together or talk about, etc. Thankfully, that doesn't happen often. I was with him for 10yrs. and was very happy with him and loved him so very dearly, so how could I not have those moments...?
Lastnight I dreampt about him...I don't remember the dream fully, just pieces here and there. And I woke up very sad and lonely. I can't help myself, I miss him so much. Most of the time I'm fine, I don't think about him, so I'm fine. But I'm so lonely without him right now. I clearly remember things about him right now, how much fun we had together, how much laughter we shared together...the love. And it's all gone. I thought I was passed this...that I had enough anger in me that I'd moved on and walled myself off from him, but I'm hurting today.
I haven't cried in a while, and while I still haven't today, I feel like it's right under the surface, threatening to tear it's way out at any moment.
I can't be like this today...I've got stuff I have to do.
I'm leaving the house soon to go apply for another job...one which will be quite different from any job I've ever had in the past and if it should pay a hell of a lot more than I've ever earned before, too. I'm hoping that I get this job. I'm tired of where I'm currently working...tired of all the bullshit and the promises that we can come to management if we have a problem and something will be done about it but then nothing ever does. I'm so tired of it all. I'm tired of working hard and being exhausted and getting so little in return for it.
Please, wish me luck that I get this job. If I do get this job I'll be able to get my own place in just a few short months. Hopefully rent a house, actually. And get some nice furniture in it, too.:)
Last weekend my mom and I took a day-trip out to Cheyenne -a nearby city with a hell of lot more going on than back here. I drove my car the whole trip. Mom at first didn't want me to, felt I wasn't ready...I argued with her that I'll never learn unless I do it. And would she rather be with me or have me do it on my own? It's a 2hrs. drive one way through a shit-load of nothing. I've now had my driver's license for a year (well, a year on June 9th), and to me this was a big deal.
So aside from a little nagging on her part for me to watch my speed (apparently I have a little bit of a lead-foot), the whole trip went great. We pulled out the GPS once in town to find certain shops we wanted to hit up, but that went well, too. I'm very happy about the trip, I did a great job and enjoyed the drive, too.:)
-I just put in some music and I'm good to go.:D I do understand now how it feels to sit there for so long in one position with your foot on the gas non-stop. I have a manual and no cruise-control, so I kept my foot on that gas pedal the whole time.
I'm still a little nervous passing big trucks on the road, but if I keep my eyes straight forward and not look at them, I'm good. I keep them in my peripheral so I can maintain my safe distance from them, but not look directly at them so I'm not tempted to swerve near them.
I've been driving some friends around here and there and that feels so good to finally be the person driving other's around rather than be the one being driven around.:) I feel good about it.
I'm sitting here listening to the "Breathe of Life" song by Florence and the Machine from the "Snow White and the Huntsman" movie -gorgeous song!!
Saw the movie this past Friday night and I 'really' liked it a lot. In fact, I plan to see it again very soon. I've now seen Avengers 4 times and it's not even hit the cheap seats, yet. This one I plan to see at least 2 more times in theaters, if I can. I liked it that much!:D
The music touches something deep inside me. I love singing along with her..:)
I need to get up and get shit done rather than sitting here feeling lonely and sorry for myself.
I'm so afraid I'll never find someone to love as deeply as I loved Dallas...that I'll never again find such a good match for myself. Aside from the bullshit at the end there and some things throughout the years (no one's perfect), he was a perfect match for me. We were great together.
Haven't been great with working out lately, but I'm still below 200 lbs. I'll be hitting up zumba tonight -tonight is one of the two nights with weights. Ack!! But needs to be done.:)
Got an art-swap I'm doing with a fantastic artist on Etsy.com I'm looking forward to that.:D
And I've got a challenge due to this art-swap and if it works well, I may be adding it to my selection of artwork up for purchase.
And on top of that, I've got an application to be a vendor at an up-coming Renaissance Festival that'll be happening here in town in Aug. I'm excited. Met with the board of the Faire once already for a 2+ hrs. meeting where I gave suggestions on what to add to their Faire and how to better what they are already planning. I've been invited back for the next meeting. They seem really interested in me being a vendor. I'll be bringing some examples of my artwork to the next meeting.:)
Ok...gotta get going.
Lastnight I dreampt about him...I don't remember the dream fully, just pieces here and there. And I woke up very sad and lonely. I can't help myself, I miss him so much. Most of the time I'm fine, I don't think about him, so I'm fine. But I'm so lonely without him right now. I clearly remember things about him right now, how much fun we had together, how much laughter we shared together...the love. And it's all gone. I thought I was passed this...that I had enough anger in me that I'd moved on and walled myself off from him, but I'm hurting today.
I haven't cried in a while, and while I still haven't today, I feel like it's right under the surface, threatening to tear it's way out at any moment.
I can't be like this today...I've got stuff I have to do.
I'm leaving the house soon to go apply for another job...one which will be quite different from any job I've ever had in the past and if it should pay a hell of a lot more than I've ever earned before, too. I'm hoping that I get this job. I'm tired of where I'm currently working...tired of all the bullshit and the promises that we can come to management if we have a problem and something will be done about it but then nothing ever does. I'm so tired of it all. I'm tired of working hard and being exhausted and getting so little in return for it.
Please, wish me luck that I get this job. If I do get this job I'll be able to get my own place in just a few short months. Hopefully rent a house, actually. And get some nice furniture in it, too.:)
Last weekend my mom and I took a day-trip out to Cheyenne -a nearby city with a hell of lot more going on than back here. I drove my car the whole trip. Mom at first didn't want me to, felt I wasn't ready...I argued with her that I'll never learn unless I do it. And would she rather be with me or have me do it on my own? It's a 2hrs. drive one way through a shit-load of nothing. I've now had my driver's license for a year (well, a year on June 9th), and to me this was a big deal.
So aside from a little nagging on her part for me to watch my speed (apparently I have a little bit of a lead-foot), the whole trip went great. We pulled out the GPS once in town to find certain shops we wanted to hit up, but that went well, too. I'm very happy about the trip, I did a great job and enjoyed the drive, too.:)
-I just put in some music and I'm good to go.:D I do understand now how it feels to sit there for so long in one position with your foot on the gas non-stop. I have a manual and no cruise-control, so I kept my foot on that gas pedal the whole time.
I'm still a little nervous passing big trucks on the road, but if I keep my eyes straight forward and not look at them, I'm good. I keep them in my peripheral so I can maintain my safe distance from them, but not look directly at them so I'm not tempted to swerve near them.
I've been driving some friends around here and there and that feels so good to finally be the person driving other's around rather than be the one being driven around.:) I feel good about it.
I'm sitting here listening to the "Breathe of Life" song by Florence and the Machine from the "Snow White and the Huntsman" movie -gorgeous song!!
Click to viewSaw the movie this past Friday night and I 'really' liked it a lot. In fact, I plan to see it again very soon. I've now seen Avengers 4 times and it's not even hit the cheap seats, yet. This one I plan to see at least 2 more times in theaters, if I can. I liked it that much!:D
The music touches something deep inside me. I love singing along with her..:)
I need to get up and get shit done rather than sitting here feeling lonely and sorry for myself.
I'm so afraid I'll never find someone to love as deeply as I loved Dallas...that I'll never again find such a good match for myself. Aside from the bullshit at the end there and some things throughout the years (no one's perfect), he was a perfect match for me. We were great together.
Haven't been great with working out lately, but I'm still below 200 lbs. I'll be hitting up zumba tonight -tonight is one of the two nights with weights. Ack!! But needs to be done.:)
Got an art-swap I'm doing with a fantastic artist on Etsy.com I'm looking forward to that.:D
And I've got a challenge due to this art-swap and if it works well, I may be adding it to my selection of artwork up for purchase.
And on top of that, I've got an application to be a vendor at an up-coming Renaissance Festival that'll be happening here in town in Aug. I'm excited. Met with the board of the Faire once already for a 2+ hrs. meeting where I gave suggestions on what to add to their Faire and how to better what they are already planning. I've been invited back for the next meeting. They seem really interested in me being a vendor. I'll be bringing some examples of my artwork to the next meeting.:)
Ok...gotta get going.