i try to smile and say everything is fine

[elusive_sheep]

fuck. i can't stand this feeling.
i hate it. i hate you.
i hate how you're always there for me.-well you were there for me -and i hate it.
-hate how you cared so much, yet you never wanted to show it.
i hate how you try so hard not to make me more vain than i already am.
even though you're more vain than i'll ever be. you know it. you know everything. and you're always right.
i fucking hate you. you're perfect. too perfect. you're beautiful -too beautiful.
you're a slut. so am i.
you can get whoever you want. whenever you want. -i can't.
i hate how you let me yell at you -over nothing. i hate how you let me do this way too much than i should. i do this too much.
and i hate how you won't let me do it just once more.
i hate how you can move on so easily. and not be a terrible emofuck like me -ofcoarse. i hate how you're so amused. -yeah amused by my stupidity.
i hate how you're so opinionated and angst -you never have to say a thing to be heard.
i hate how you're with her.
i hate how you tease me. and i'll bitch at you. for nothing.
fuck. fuck -just please can you talk to me. i hate how i'm such a fuck up. you know it -you still put up with me? well, you did put up with me.
not anymore. obviously.
i hate how you're the best i ever had.
and i hate how i just want this feeling to end. -you never want it to stop.
i hate how you make everything you say or do feel like you mean every bit of it.
i hate how i'm so gullible. -i lie way too much.
i hate how you're so sure that you hate me. and i can only say that i hate you -i never mean it. you do.
ugh. i hate you.
are you for real?

i hate you. i love you.