Breakfast Food.
A few weeks ago, some friends and I were at Denny's following a night weekend of binge drinking. As we looked at our plates, we noticed one interesting phenomenon: the variety of applications for the pig. It's bacon, it's ham, it's sausage. It is the breakfast meat.
Out of this observance, came the question: Was breakfast made for pork products, or were pork products made for breakfast?
This conversation has continued through messaging and a string of emails, and I think Bly (for those of you who know him, you can here him spouting this among mouthfuls of bacon and fried eggs) came up with a definitive answer:
God had to have been eating breakfast for many billions of years before pigs were even made. The universe has been in existence for some 12 billion years, and animal life -let alone mammalian life- as we know it has been a part of just a small fraction of that time. It is likely that God had eaten his last shitty breakfast after many morning of suffering when he put together the pig, an animal of snout-to-tail delicousness. This reasoning lends to the pig being made for breakfast as breakfast likely pre-dates the pig.
Yet, if God is going to be creating the universe through the Big Bang, putting an infinitely small, infinitely massive, and infinitely hot ball of matter into motion by way of one giant inflationary pulse, would he not need to have started his day with the most important meal? A variation of 1/10,000th of one percent from the actual rate of inflation at the inception of our universe, and the universe would have either expanded to fast to support life or collapse before life had a chance to exist: no room for error. More importantly, no possibility of pigs unless the big guy was on his game. Clearly, this was the day -of all days- where God needed a filling breakfast. And so, the thought of a universe being created implies the first Lumberjack Slam of Biblical proportion being consumed. Breakfast obviously predates our own universe, and so too must the pig. Thus, it was the need for a filling breakfast that invoked the creation of the pig.
Almost undoubtedly, the pig is a physical manifestation that is a consequence of breakfast sucking without it and not the other way around.
These weekends don't come around often enough...
Out of this observance, came the question: Was breakfast made for pork products, or were pork products made for breakfast?
This conversation has continued through messaging and a string of emails, and I think Bly (for those of you who know him, you can here him spouting this among mouthfuls of bacon and fried eggs) came up with a definitive answer:
God had to have been eating breakfast for many billions of years before pigs were even made. The universe has been in existence for some 12 billion years, and animal life -let alone mammalian life- as we know it has been a part of just a small fraction of that time. It is likely that God had eaten his last shitty breakfast after many morning of suffering when he put together the pig, an animal of snout-to-tail delicousness. This reasoning lends to the pig being made for breakfast as breakfast likely pre-dates the pig.
Yet, if God is going to be creating the universe through the Big Bang, putting an infinitely small, infinitely massive, and infinitely hot ball of matter into motion by way of one giant inflationary pulse, would he not need to have started his day with the most important meal? A variation of 1/10,000th of one percent from the actual rate of inflation at the inception of our universe, and the universe would have either expanded to fast to support life or collapse before life had a chance to exist: no room for error. More importantly, no possibility of pigs unless the big guy was on his game. Clearly, this was the day -of all days- where God needed a filling breakfast. And so, the thought of a universe being created implies the first Lumberjack Slam of Biblical proportion being consumed. Breakfast obviously predates our own universe, and so too must the pig. Thus, it was the need for a filling breakfast that invoked the creation of the pig.
Almost undoubtedly, the pig is a physical manifestation that is a consequence of breakfast sucking without it and not the other way around.
These weekends don't come around often enough...