[fic] Our Environment - Chapter Three
One yellow eye opened halfway and Ward let out a long yawn as he stretched his arms. His body felt so weighted down. An idle glance down showed the sleeping Heiderich draped across his legs and half his chest, quiet whuffs released with each breath as his companion - mate? - clung to him. Carefully Ward wiggled his way out from under Fons’ ( Read more... )
A couple mistakes I noticed:
One of the humans shuffled awkwardly and gave a couch, the sudden sound startling them out of their bewilderment. Did you mean shout? Also, I think there should be a period after that, so that "the sudden sound" is it's own sentence.
The human-predators were doing something weird with some ropes. They had tied one around his wrist then stood off to the side, pulling it taught and keeping his arm stretched out. Should be "taut", if you want tension, not education.
The humans on either side kept his hands spread apart. The Elric tried to bring his hands close together, but the ropes around each wrist kept them separate. They had restrained him! He tried to strike out in response, but whichever way he moved the rope on the other side of him held him taunt. Again, "taut" would work here, but I would use "tightly" to avoid repetition.
Ward awkwardly patted his companion-mate’s shoulder. <’I’m alright. It’s no point anyway.’> "There's no point" is better.
He flattened ears. Needs a "his".
<’First we need to fill your tummy!’> His Alfons remarked cheerfully, whuffing as his own stomach growled. <’There must be food somewhere.’> All their food stores had been left behind at the white den, forced to be abandoned by those stupid humans. "forced to be abandoned" reads strangely. I would say "(abandoned) because of those stupid humans". The word(s) in parentheses aren't really necessary.
I'm sorry to hear about your real life taking over! I enjoy reading your stories very much. I'll do my best to wait patiently for your return.
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