I believe the proper term is "poogina", and its terminal...
Where they hell have I been for the past month? Oh yeah, reading and working hard on not having a social life. I also got a Mac Mini which I could barely afford. I left the house for things other than work about once. Why is it I bother waking up again? The small pay checks and social isolation! Good times!
I did manage to finish reading "Lucifer's Hammer". A book that took me a month to read because I spent 27 days not reading it. Lucifer's Hammer is a book about Satan becoming a blacksmith and turning the tide of the Civil War (OR the War of Northern Aggression depending on which side of the Mason-Dixon Line you live).
No, Lucifer's Hammer is a novel about a rogue comet on a collision course with Earth. Overall the book was pretty good, but once again I will take 2 hours out of my very busy and important day to tell you about all the silly little things I read about so that no one can read this. It tool a while for this bool to really pick up, to the point where I had to force myself to read it. The first 200 pages are pretty much a drawn out version of that story about Chicken Little. Only I remember this version as the one from that episode of the Golden Girls where they all dressed up like characters from the story. Dorothy was Turkey Lurkey. Why do I remember this shit?
This book also had a cast of characters so large that I'm glad some of them died. Good thing a list was included that covered a ton of people that died halfway through the book and left out major characters towards the end. So many people, in fact, that even continually going back to the list after a while didn't seem to help. Especially when some characters had similar names.
"Comets?" you say "Fuck comets. Its just a big snow ball in outer space. I'd box a comet and win if a comet ever came around here. Fuck some comets, child!"
Not this comet. A comet so deadly, so frightening, so racially insensitive that it took 200 pages of build up for it to get here. For these first billion pages we get introduced to a cast of people whose names I can't remember right now without the list. We have rich, important senator and his hot daughter. We have rich playboy/astrophysicist comet discovery guy, OTHER smart comet discovery guy, TV producer guy, sex offender guy, 4 astronauts, and a whole host of other people that just stand around. Oh, and black people. In California.
200 pages of build up. Will it hit? Will religious cults form? Will white women still pack bags full of cosmetics to face the post-apocalyptic future? Yes, yes, and yes. I've seen mountains erode faster than it took the comet to hit earth. TV guy made a special about the comet. Senator guy tried to keep niggaz in check. Women just sat around thinking about their daily lives. Two American and two Russian astronauts went up to SkyLab to studty the comet. For the sake of equality, can you guess the racial and gender ratios? 3 men, one woman. 3 white, one black.
As you can guess, as the comet got closer people obeyed Disaster Rule #1.
Disaster Rule #1: When faced with a disaster, go out and buy everything. Food, water, tents, guns, ammunition, dog sleds, and adult diapers. This becomes especially troublesome in a movie or novel containing a disaster beause our main characters never follow this rule. TV guy has firsthand knowledge of the fucking comet, but what does he do about it? Just films TV specials about it. HEY JACKASS, you KNOW the comet is going to hit. You talked to all the other main characters. Take the time to go buy some freeze dried coffee at least, fucking hell... Even both comet discovery guys have this hard-on about just watching the comet. "Survival? Getting prepared? I think I'll just sit here at the JPL center and watch the comet slam into us." Part A to this rule is that while white people are out buying, blacks are out looting.
Of course, the closer the comet gets, the faster a religious cult springs up. I guess thats probably Disaster Rule #2. When a disaster happens, god is pissed at you so form a cult to appease him and save others at the very last second.
Shocking to everyone but the reader, the comet hits (it better, otherwise this would be called 'The Time This Comet Almost Hit Us but Eventually Didn't."). At the time, the general populace was following Disaster Rule #3.
Disaster Rule #3: When there is going to be a disaster, get the fuck away. If you live in the city, go to the country. If you live in the country, go drive to the desert. If you live in the desert go to the mountains. You might not have any fucking idea what so ever about when or where or even how this is going to go down, but get the fuck away anyway. Even if you wind up driving right under the comet when it hits. Once again, our main characters just watch the comet, count their votes, think about flowers, make more TV specials.
Rule #3 was pretty much held up by our rule #2 people, as the cultists held up traffic for people trying to get the fuck out of L.A. And then KA-BLOOEY. The comet hits. Tidal waves, earthquakes, salty rain, total destruction. Europe? Gone. Middle East? Israel VS everybody else. China nukes Russia. Russia and the US nuke China. Eqypt? Flooded. The rest of Africa and South America? They aren't white, so who cares? Not the authors!
Disaster Rule #4: You can't kill the disaster, so hold some one else responsible. A real life example of this was the tidal wave that fucked up all those Asian countries. Who got sued? The USA. We should have known that was gonna happen! Ooops! Sorry Thailand, Dion Warwick will call you next time a massive earthquake happens out in the Indian Ocean. In our novel, #3ers just start beating #2ers with tire irons until the police come along and... stand around. And why not? Theres really no longer any point to enfore the rules. You know, with civilization being gone and all. Rich playboy/astronomer just picks up his lady and attempts to wade through a sea of cars and dead people to get to his observatory. Oh, and he gets a dead baby.
TV guy comes home to find his wife sans head thanks to a shotgun. His beef jerky was also stolen. Astronauts try to figure out how women piss in space. Senator guy went back to the ranch to restart civilization. Black people continue to loot and do drugs.
From this point on, it rains ALL THE TIME. Which must really suck. Be sure to get an umbrella incase of comet.
The middle half of the book switches between our groups (TV guy, sex offender who dies, playboy, bikers, ranch). The major point here? Floods kill people, so get high up. People kill people, and once civilization falls they'll just kill people to survive. More men survive then women, so if you have have a woman other men will want to fuck her. If you are a woman, you will somehow lose the ability to care and just sleep with every guy you see except for me.
I mean, some other guy in the book. Ahem...
As it turns out, all our main characters have a connection to the senator, and make their way to his ranch. Except for black people. Apparently they were unable to network, get up high, or do anything but call white people honkies. So they just tool around, have sex with white women, and loot more. Thats when they meet the army. The cannibal army.
I don't know if that even warrants a rule. I guess maybe it does. Disaster Rule #5: After a disaster, it will be tough to grow or find food. Why not eat somebody?
Black people join up with the army and become cannibals. Which, I believe warrants an aside right here. You see, Lucifer's Hammer is the SECOND book I've read with a post-apocalyptic setting where black people become cannibals. Now, Lucifer's Hammer was written in the 70's or so, and Farnham's Freehold was written in the 60's. Maybe authors back then had some sort of over riding fear of black people. To the point they felt blacks would simply become animals and rape, pillage, and eat humans as soon as civilzation fell. Sure the first time I came across black cannibals, I thought it was just a "Oooh! Controversy!" kind of thing. The second time around, maybe its something deeper. Do white people really fear blacks that much that they would vilify them like that?
Anyway, sides are drawn. White people at the ranch. The New Brotherhood Army consisting of the army, blacks, and #2er's outside. Did you notice that New Brotherhood Army, when shortened becomes NBA? And its full of black guys? Oh my! Of course, the NBA comes after the ranch for supplies, members, and a hot meal. White people manage to create mustard gas and kill blacks! Book ends.
Why do these books always end up like this? Are whites and blacks so different that we can't work together after the world ends? According to most authors, no. Black people will just rape and pillage when "the Man" isn't around. Perfect little snow-white White people will work hard to rebuild technology and civilization with their big white brains. What about Native Americans (who only got mention as a group of 50 hard-ass fighters)? Or Latinos? Or Asians? Oh, I forgot, only whites and blacks live in America.
Overall, the survival aspect was a great adventure. The comet strike was portrayed with realism and with world-wide consequences. I like the genre, so thats a plus as well.
On the other hand characters talked to each other like they never learned conversational English. The senator's only reaction to events was "I will be dipped in shit.", and people with scatalogical fetishes are really fucking creepy. Once again, another book drops the race issue on survival under the guise of "exploring race relations in America".
I think Fallout probably owes alittle to Lucifer's Hammer for setting and some elements. Set around southern California? Check. At war with China? Check. Army unit reforms with a religious hard-on for technology? Check.
I did manage to finish reading "Lucifer's Hammer". A book that took me a month to read because I spent 27 days not reading it. Lucifer's Hammer is a book about Satan becoming a blacksmith and turning the tide of the Civil War (OR the War of Northern Aggression depending on which side of the Mason-Dixon Line you live).
No, Lucifer's Hammer is a novel about a rogue comet on a collision course with Earth. Overall the book was pretty good, but once again I will take 2 hours out of my very busy and important day to tell you about all the silly little things I read about so that no one can read this. It tool a while for this bool to really pick up, to the point where I had to force myself to read it. The first 200 pages are pretty much a drawn out version of that story about Chicken Little. Only I remember this version as the one from that episode of the Golden Girls where they all dressed up like characters from the story. Dorothy was Turkey Lurkey. Why do I remember this shit?
This book also had a cast of characters so large that I'm glad some of them died. Good thing a list was included that covered a ton of people that died halfway through the book and left out major characters towards the end. So many people, in fact, that even continually going back to the list after a while didn't seem to help. Especially when some characters had similar names.
"Comets?" you say "Fuck comets. Its just a big snow ball in outer space. I'd box a comet and win if a comet ever came around here. Fuck some comets, child!"
Not this comet. A comet so deadly, so frightening, so racially insensitive that it took 200 pages of build up for it to get here. For these first billion pages we get introduced to a cast of people whose names I can't remember right now without the list. We have rich, important senator and his hot daughter. We have rich playboy/astrophysicist comet discovery guy, OTHER smart comet discovery guy, TV producer guy, sex offender guy, 4 astronauts, and a whole host of other people that just stand around. Oh, and black people. In California.
200 pages of build up. Will it hit? Will religious cults form? Will white women still pack bags full of cosmetics to face the post-apocalyptic future? Yes, yes, and yes. I've seen mountains erode faster than it took the comet to hit earth. TV guy made a special about the comet. Senator guy tried to keep niggaz in check. Women just sat around thinking about their daily lives. Two American and two Russian astronauts went up to SkyLab to studty the comet. For the sake of equality, can you guess the racial and gender ratios? 3 men, one woman. 3 white, one black.
As you can guess, as the comet got closer people obeyed Disaster Rule #1.
Disaster Rule #1: When faced with a disaster, go out and buy everything. Food, water, tents, guns, ammunition, dog sleds, and adult diapers. This becomes especially troublesome in a movie or novel containing a disaster beause our main characters never follow this rule. TV guy has firsthand knowledge of the fucking comet, but what does he do about it? Just films TV specials about it. HEY JACKASS, you KNOW the comet is going to hit. You talked to all the other main characters. Take the time to go buy some freeze dried coffee at least, fucking hell... Even both comet discovery guys have this hard-on about just watching the comet. "Survival? Getting prepared? I think I'll just sit here at the JPL center and watch the comet slam into us." Part A to this rule is that while white people are out buying, blacks are out looting.
Of course, the closer the comet gets, the faster a religious cult springs up. I guess thats probably Disaster Rule #2. When a disaster happens, god is pissed at you so form a cult to appease him and save others at the very last second.
Shocking to everyone but the reader, the comet hits (it better, otherwise this would be called 'The Time This Comet Almost Hit Us but Eventually Didn't."). At the time, the general populace was following Disaster Rule #3.
Disaster Rule #3: When there is going to be a disaster, get the fuck away. If you live in the city, go to the country. If you live in the country, go drive to the desert. If you live in the desert go to the mountains. You might not have any fucking idea what so ever about when or where or even how this is going to go down, but get the fuck away anyway. Even if you wind up driving right under the comet when it hits. Once again, our main characters just watch the comet, count their votes, think about flowers, make more TV specials.
Rule #3 was pretty much held up by our rule #2 people, as the cultists held up traffic for people trying to get the fuck out of L.A. And then KA-BLOOEY. The comet hits. Tidal waves, earthquakes, salty rain, total destruction. Europe? Gone. Middle East? Israel VS everybody else. China nukes Russia. Russia and the US nuke China. Eqypt? Flooded. The rest of Africa and South America? They aren't white, so who cares? Not the authors!
Disaster Rule #4: You can't kill the disaster, so hold some one else responsible. A real life example of this was the tidal wave that fucked up all those Asian countries. Who got sued? The USA. We should have known that was gonna happen! Ooops! Sorry Thailand, Dion Warwick will call you next time a massive earthquake happens out in the Indian Ocean. In our novel, #3ers just start beating #2ers with tire irons until the police come along and... stand around. And why not? Theres really no longer any point to enfore the rules. You know, with civilization being gone and all. Rich playboy/astronomer just picks up his lady and attempts to wade through a sea of cars and dead people to get to his observatory. Oh, and he gets a dead baby.
TV guy comes home to find his wife sans head thanks to a shotgun. His beef jerky was also stolen. Astronauts try to figure out how women piss in space. Senator guy went back to the ranch to restart civilization. Black people continue to loot and do drugs.
From this point on, it rains ALL THE TIME. Which must really suck. Be sure to get an umbrella incase of comet.
The middle half of the book switches between our groups (TV guy, sex offender who dies, playboy, bikers, ranch). The major point here? Floods kill people, so get high up. People kill people, and once civilization falls they'll just kill people to survive. More men survive then women, so if you have have a woman other men will want to fuck her. If you are a woman, you will somehow lose the ability to care and just sleep with every guy you see except for me.
I mean, some other guy in the book. Ahem...
As it turns out, all our main characters have a connection to the senator, and make their way to his ranch. Except for black people. Apparently they were unable to network, get up high, or do anything but call white people honkies. So they just tool around, have sex with white women, and loot more. Thats when they meet the army. The cannibal army.
I don't know if that even warrants a rule. I guess maybe it does. Disaster Rule #5: After a disaster, it will be tough to grow or find food. Why not eat somebody?
Black people join up with the army and become cannibals. Which, I believe warrants an aside right here. You see, Lucifer's Hammer is the SECOND book I've read with a post-apocalyptic setting where black people become cannibals. Now, Lucifer's Hammer was written in the 70's or so, and Farnham's Freehold was written in the 60's. Maybe authors back then had some sort of over riding fear of black people. To the point they felt blacks would simply become animals and rape, pillage, and eat humans as soon as civilzation fell. Sure the first time I came across black cannibals, I thought it was just a "Oooh! Controversy!" kind of thing. The second time around, maybe its something deeper. Do white people really fear blacks that much that they would vilify them like that?
Anyway, sides are drawn. White people at the ranch. The New Brotherhood Army consisting of the army, blacks, and #2er's outside. Did you notice that New Brotherhood Army, when shortened becomes NBA? And its full of black guys? Oh my! Of course, the NBA comes after the ranch for supplies, members, and a hot meal. White people manage to create mustard gas and kill blacks! Book ends.
Why do these books always end up like this? Are whites and blacks so different that we can't work together after the world ends? According to most authors, no. Black people will just rape and pillage when "the Man" isn't around. Perfect little snow-white White people will work hard to rebuild technology and civilization with their big white brains. What about Native Americans (who only got mention as a group of 50 hard-ass fighters)? Or Latinos? Or Asians? Oh, I forgot, only whites and blacks live in America.
Overall, the survival aspect was a great adventure. The comet strike was portrayed with realism and with world-wide consequences. I like the genre, so thats a plus as well.
On the other hand characters talked to each other like they never learned conversational English. The senator's only reaction to events was "I will be dipped in shit.", and people with scatalogical fetishes are really fucking creepy. Once again, another book drops the race issue on survival under the guise of "exploring race relations in America".
I think Fallout probably owes alittle to Lucifer's Hammer for setting and some elements. Set around southern California? Check. At war with China? Check. Army unit reforms with a religious hard-on for technology? Check.