A shitty situation
THEY TOOK AWAY MY TOILET! THAT'S RIGHT, THEY FUCKING TOOK OUR STAFF LOUNGE AND LAVATORIES SO THAT SOMEONE COULD HAVE AN OFFICE. WTF. THIS IS THE LAST STRAW. I ALREADY PLACED BIDS TO TWO PORT O POTTY COMPANIES AND ROUTED THE CALL BACK NUMBER TO MY OFFICE MANAGER. (I ORDERED THE "VIP" MODEL WITH FLUSH TOILET, URINAL AND RUNNING WATER SINK). I'M CONSIDERING SENDING THIS LETTER TO THE PERSON IN CHARGE OF THE "RENOVATION":
[Name redacted]:
Since the dawn of civilization, humankind has pondered what do with its excreta. For the nomads, it was less of an issue as all they had to do was relieve themselves away (preferably downwind) from camp. Still, designated areas were used, "pissing rocks" as they were. Children were taught to use these areas from a young age as to not befoul the bivouac.
As we settled into hamlets, then villages and towns, the problem of elimination became critical. Sedentary cultures required moving sewage and from the Indus Valley to the plains of Egypt, the toilet began to take shape. It evolved into a fairly sophisticated (and social) room in Roman times. Only in the Dark Ages, did advances in Western toilet technology reverse and random waste disposal return to the norm. It wasn't until Sir John Harrington reinvented the flushing toilet for Queen Elizabeth I did the flushing toilet reenter the lexicon.
Imagine then, my surprise and horror when I discovered that the staff lounge on the second floor of the [redacted] office building and its attached lavatories were to be demolished. I can only think of one instance in modern times where an edifice did not contain a restroom, and that was at the original Palace of Versailles. The only running water at Versailles was in the fountains outside. The nobles and courtesans were left to do their business in the stairways. Is it any wonder they perfected what we know as parfum? Of course, we know what eventually happened to them.
I beseech you then, to reconsider your current plans for renovation and the deletion of the staff privy. This planning oversight will undo thousands of years of cultural and plumbing evolution. Surely, the proposed offices could go elsewhere so that my dignity and that of my colleagues could be preserved?
Nature's call is one that won't be put on hold. How will you answer?
Sincerely,
Me
SOMETIMES, MANY TIMES, I WONDER WHY I STAY AT THIS JOB.