Oh, wow, your response made me so happy (genuinely!) Thank you- I'm so glad to know my blabbing isn't annoying you. I'm sort of obsessed with human emotion, and I think a big part of that is because for most of my childhood, I was told exactly how to feel : "be brave", "be a big girl", "be grateful it's not worse", etc. And I also didn't want to make it worse for my parents when I was hurting from the medical stuff, because I knew it was killing them inside to have to watch me go through it.
Now I sort of want to know exactly what my feelings are, and it's actually sometimes hard for me to figure out what is truly going on in my heart because I find myself running through the "calm down" speeches my doctors and parents gave to me a lot, and then I turn around and think "hey, I'm upset and I hurt, why shouldn't I be reacting to that?!" and I wonder just how much of my emotions are still censored because I'm too invested in not freaking out the people around me.
ANYWAY- as far as your friend, I totally get what you are saying. There's this podcast by Elizabeth Gilbert (the Eat Pray Love author) called Magic Lessons. On one episode they were talking about people who were stuck in terrible situations, and one point that was made during the episode was that when people spend time like that, every situation after that seems like a relief- they have a little guarantee that they will never be that bored or miserable again. Your friend is probably riding that very, very real high to be out of the negative cloud and into a new chapter.
As far as Buddhism, I feel the same way! For years I was, like, "I want to be DONE with suffering, period. I don't want anyone else to suffer. I'm not remotely interested in just accepting it. SCREW suffering." Even though I started embracing all the other aspects of Buddhism, I still couldn't accept the thoughts about suffering. And change? I'm not interested in change, either. I want things to be good and then STAY good. Change scares me.
But then when Cecil the lion was shot ... That whole situation made me so angry and sad and helpless and I wanted to do something and make sure that never ever happened again and personally protect every freakin' animal on this planet and ... the list was huge. But there was literally nothing I could do to have prevented that situation, or TO prevent that situation. Even though it wasn't rational, it was eating me up inside. I felt so guilty about it, so responsible, in a way. I was so upset that I was so powerless, that something like that happened in the world when I was "on duty". And I was getting caught up in the WHY would something like that happen, and why does it keep happening? It was a spiral and I couldn't get out of it- usually I can think on it and give myself a few days to get over the compassion pain, but it wasn't happening.
Then a few days later I remembered the whole "suffering is inevitable" thing, and it FINALLY clicked. While I'm still not okay with living things suffering (humans OR animals) and I hope to see radical shifts happen in my lifetime to alleviate suffering, I finally understood that I can't beat myself up about not personally having been able to prevent suffering from happening. Suffering happens. Period. It sucks beyond description, but it's the truth. Accepting that suffering exists doesn't mean I advocate it, just that I'm aware of it. And by being aware of it, I can do what I can to prevent it from happening right here, in my little piece of land, with all the animals and people I come into contact with. It may not be much, but it's something. It matters. I'm trying my best. THAT matters, even though it doesn't seem to change things on a larger scale. The hurt won't go away for those affected, and I can't erase the pain or the experience for those involved, but I can somehow participate, however small, in a resolution. In prevention. Maybe I can minimize suffering. I started seeing it like a little map of the world, and a bright light representing each of the places where animals and people were safe. The more people change things in their lives, the more the map lights up. Every light makes a difference.
Oh, wow, your response made me so happy (genuinely!) Thank you- I'm so glad to know my blabbing isn't annoying you. I'm sort of obsessed with human emotion, and I think a big part of that is because for most of my childhood, I was told exactly how to feel : "be brave", "be a big girl", "be grateful it's not worse", etc. And I also didn't want to make it worse for my parents when I was hurting from the medical stuff, because I knew it was killing them inside to have to watch me go through it.
Now I sort of want to know exactly what my feelings are, and it's actually sometimes hard for me to figure out what is truly going on in my heart because I find myself running through the "calm down" speeches my doctors and parents gave to me a lot, and then I turn around and think "hey, I'm upset and I hurt, why shouldn't I be reacting to that?!" and I wonder just how much of my emotions are still censored because I'm too invested in not freaking out the people around me.
ANYWAY- as far as your friend, I totally get what you are saying. There's this podcast by Elizabeth Gilbert (the Eat Pray Love author) called Magic Lessons. On one episode they were talking about people who were stuck in terrible situations, and one point that was made during the episode was that when people spend time like that, every situation after that seems like a relief- they have a little guarantee that they will never be that bored or miserable again. Your friend is probably riding that very, very real high to be out of the negative cloud and into a new chapter.
As far as Buddhism, I feel the same way! For years I was, like, "I want to be DONE with suffering, period. I don't want anyone else to suffer. I'm not remotely interested in just accepting it. SCREW suffering." Even though I started embracing all the other aspects of Buddhism, I still couldn't accept the thoughts about suffering. And change? I'm not interested in change, either. I want things to be good and then STAY good. Change scares me.
But then when Cecil the lion was shot ... That whole situation made me so angry and sad and helpless and I wanted to do something and make sure that never ever happened again and personally protect every freakin' animal on this planet and ... the list was huge. But there was literally nothing I could do to have prevented that situation, or TO prevent that situation. Even though it wasn't rational, it was eating me up inside. I felt so guilty about it, so responsible, in a way. I was so upset that I was so powerless, that something like that happened in the world when I was "on duty". And I was getting caught up in the WHY would something like that happen, and why does it keep happening? It was a spiral and I couldn't get out of it- usually I can think on it and give myself a few days to get over the compassion pain, but it wasn't happening.
Then a few days later I remembered the whole "suffering is inevitable" thing, and it FINALLY clicked. While I'm still not okay with living things suffering (humans OR animals) and I hope to see radical shifts happen in my lifetime to alleviate suffering, I finally understood that I can't beat myself up about not personally having been able to prevent suffering from happening. Suffering happens. Period. It sucks beyond description, but it's the truth. Accepting that suffering exists doesn't mean I advocate it, just that I'm aware of it. And by being aware of it, I can do what I can to prevent it from happening right here, in my little piece of land, with all the animals and people I come into contact with. It may not be much, but it's something. It matters. I'm trying my best. THAT matters, even though it doesn't seem to change things on a larger scale. The hurt won't go away for those affected, and I can't erase the pain or the experience for those involved, but I can somehow participate, however small, in a resolution. In prevention. Maybe I can minimize suffering. I started seeing it like a little map of the world, and a bright light representing each of the places where animals and people were safe. The more people change things in their lives, the more the map lights up. Every light makes a difference.
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