Fic: The Forsaken (Charles/Eloise)

[elliotsmelliot]

Title: The Forsaken (1/6)
Characters: Charles/Eloise, Ensemble
Disclaimer: Lost is not mine. Seriously? Seriously.
Rating: PG13
Words: 1900
Spoilers: Up to The Incident
Summary: It starts and ends with a prophecy, but there’s really nothing divine about the mess Charles and Eloise made over the course of sixty-five years. Many thanks to angeldylan628 for her

Comments

[falseeeyelashes]

This completely made my morning. I am so, so excited to see what you are going to do with the rest of this series! Your Ellie! And your Charles! And above all your Richard! This is gorgeous and intriguing and I am completely enthralled by this backstory you have crafted for them. Also, the tension you created between Ellie and Charles was breathtaking.

Seriously - this is wonderful. I can't wait to read your next installment.

[elliotsmelliot]

Wow! Thanks so much. I am a big admirer of your writing, so it is very nice to hear this worked for you. It was fun to create a backstory for them. I hope you enjoy the rest!

[swordznsorcery]

Cool! The history of the Others (imho particularly the dynamic between Charles, Eloise and Richard) is the perfect grounds for storytelling, and this is well written and interesting.

Looking forward to part two. :)

[elliotsmelliot]

Thanks so much for reading and commenting. If you continue, you will get to meet the long haired Richard in your icon very soon!

[valhalla37]

WOOOOOOAH.

*jaw drops*

I don't have time right now to post anything more than right now, but I will absolutely be returning soon for a second read and more coherent feedback!

[elliotsmelliot]

You need not say more, this reaction was enough to make me squee. Yours was the first Ellie I ever read and it sticks to me as perfect. I aspire to reach your level of understanding her. Thanks for reading!

[valhalla37]

So I'm back now that my thoughts are a little more collected/I actually have some time.

First off, I love how aptly you've sent up the entire series -- it already has a really epic feel to it, and though this may sound a little mundane, the sense of organization and purpose is much appreciated -- it already feels like it's being driven forward well.

I adored all the interactions, with Richard and between the two of them, and the inkling of backstory you've given Charles and Eloise. It all just seems so organic and natural, like a kind of "of course that's how it would happen!"

Finally, this first installment is just so consistent. That's an issue I've found with multipart fics before -- that they wane and shift in terms of quality. This is just so strong all the way through. Fantastic work!

[elliotsmelliot]

You are very sweet to come back with more feedback. This is a very different series for me to write. I plan to skip ahead about 10 years with each part which might end up feeling kind of disjointed. Normally my series are set up like an episode or a season. I guess this could be consider like a long flashback episode looking at Charles and Eloise's greatest hits.

Thanks so much for your kinds words. They are inspiring!

[atthesockhop]

Yay 50s Ellie fic! Can't wait to see where you're going with the wheel/time travel stuff, the opening is very intriguing. Looking forward to the rest :D

[elliotsmelliot]

Thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed this. I hope you enjoy the rest.

[janie_tangerine]

Kudos to you for actually making me care about these two. Because now I'm hooked. ;)

This was such an intriguing start. I loved how you had them come to the island and how it actually mirrored their canon stories. Actually,

It was the first of Charles’s great plans and not the last to involve waging war to claim a piece a land he thought belonged to him.I completely chuckled at this because that's totally so true. I was like, 'ah, poor Charles', and then I was like, 'WHAT did I just say?' and that just shows that this is seriously good. I loved Richard in this, and how they ended up deciding that Eloise would have been their next leader. Aw, poor Charles, everyone is taking the leadership from him even back then. I loved your young!Eloise actually, and I really liked how she started bonding with Charles. In the second section I really liked the part about her worrying about not being taken seriously and their dialogue was very plausible. And ha, yay for referencing twitchy scientists, murderers and crazy old men, I loved how you

[elliotsmelliot]

Ha! I actually don't care very much for either of them, which will hopefully allow me to get messy with them. But yes, between the two, Charles is the one that I lean toward caring for, even though he is the bigger monster. I'm glad I got you hooked! Thanks for reading and commenting!