Jaslene...seriously, what the fuck?
Sometimes I have dreams and I feel the need to share them with....well, everyone.
Last Tuesday night's dream list of people include-
-my roommates
-my cousin Kari
-Jaslene from this season's America's Next Top Model
-Mr. Jay
-Tyra Banks
And so it goes...
My roommates and I were all on "American's Next Top Model". We were just guests who were getting some kind of "model makeover". Every model had one of us to make over and style and stuff. Jaslene was my model, for some reason. I think in real life the two of us would NOT get along. Mostly because she talks too much and thinks she's blunt and I KNOW I'm not blunt and can't stand people that talk too much because...sometimes I like to talk too, and sometimes I just want people to not talk. At all.
So Jaslene is doing my hair & makeup. She has me all spun around in the chair so I can't see myself until "the final product". Very, very dramatic. Jaslene finishes, and she must have told me to close my eyes.(I say she 'must have told me' because in dreams, sometimes things happen/people appear/whatever and you just have to make sense of it because it is the nature of the human mind to find it absolutely necessary to make sense of everything) Jaslene spins me around with my eyes closed, and I don't understand that she is spinning me around so I can see myself all made up. So I say "Ohh weee Jaslene that is FUN! Spin me again!" She spins me 2 or 3 more times before getting all snappy (literally) and being like "Grrrl, open ya damn eyes, you're done!"
Now, I have told this story to quite a few people over the last week. I even drew some illustrations to go along with it for a fella in my Geology class. You'll need to click the link below to get the full affect for the rest of the dream.
This is what Jaslene had done to my hair. It looked like a tree coming out of my head with all these elaborate branches and vine-like things coming off of it. Jaslene was ecstatic. I was horrified. I didn't think I could look so ugly. My hair went at least a full body length above my head, it was all gelled up and aweful looking.
Of course, I was scared to death to hurt Jaslene's feelings. She seems pretty "hard" what with her being "straight out da hood" 'n all.
Jaslene, in case you're not familiar, looksalikeadis
like a broke-ass Nellie Furtado
So, I start to walk around the set and look at my cousins hair and she looks gorgeous, and my roommates all look wonderful and I'm just disappointed because I look like something out of a Dr.Suess book. Not in a cool Ron Howard trippy-artsy-farsty kinda way either. Ron Howard? cool? what?
Meanwhile, I'm also getting caught on EVERYTHING. My hair keeps not fitting through doors and things. Eventually, I catch a glimpse of my head, and I notice there is a big giant bare twig just shooting out of the top of my noggin with little nubs on it. Imagine that. I did anyway.
I start laughing uncontrollably because the whole situation was beyond ridiculous. Concerned, Mr.Jay and Tyra come over and put on their "You need to be strong this business doesn't care if you don't like tree stumps for hair!!" faces. And Tyra says "Danielle, is there something wrong?" and Mr. Jay folds his arms and looks at me like I'm about to jump off a bridge or something. I say "Oh hey guys, look at my hair! Look how stupid it is! You should have seen it before!" I just keep laughing harder and harder until I start to cry. Tyra begins to rub my shoulder and starts to console me. I try to reveal the hilarity of the situation, and I fail miserably.
Next, I notice they've started playing the "sad music". You know it well. It's the plinky plunky piano music they play when someone in a reality TV show breaks down and really "struggles" with some facet of the show. I hear this music and I say "NO NO TYRA DON'T play the sappy sad music! I'm not sad! This is funny! Turn the music off!"
It looked something like this...
I mean, c'mon look at my hair.
Please feel free to comment. You must have something to say after all that rubbish.