T -1
Tomorrow morning.
5.02.08.
That date is filled with dread.
I have to deliver a lecture in front of the whole Institute (or those who will bother to come - not many I hope).
To say I have a stage freight is a serious understatement.
As a child I was so shy I only shopped at supermarkets because I didn't have to speak with the staff.
I didn't greet neighbours because it meant they'd noticed me.
I got better.
I now say hello to people.
I can even complain to salespeople.
But speeches. That's much harder.
During my first seminar ever my mouth became so dry I barely managed to finish (I always have something to drink now).
On second my voice shook for the first 10 minutes.
Now I got a bit used to it.
I do ok in front of my group.
I'm also fine with speaking about general stuff for popular science lectures. That's just basic stuff so not much can go wrong.
Still telling about what we do in front of people who could then tear it all apart and are (are suppose to be) much wiser then me gets me all speechless again.
I know it doesn't really matter - there are no grades, no consequences of doing badly - except people remembering me as an idiot.
Still i just can't relax. I'm all shaky and stressed. I can't sleep and the things that happen in my stomach are going to end with ulcer.
I make it worse by worrying. I know. But I can't stop.
Kind of makes me understand why artists so often smoke, drink or get stoned.
I think I'm going to take some magnesium. And/or eat chocolate.
5.02.08.
That date is filled with dread.
I have to deliver a lecture in front of the whole Institute (or those who will bother to come - not many I hope).
To say I have a stage freight is a serious understatement.
As a child I was so shy I only shopped at supermarkets because I didn't have to speak with the staff.
I didn't greet neighbours because it meant they'd noticed me.
I got better.
I now say hello to people.
I can even complain to salespeople.
But speeches. That's much harder.
During my first seminar ever my mouth became so dry I barely managed to finish (I always have something to drink now).
On second my voice shook for the first 10 minutes.
Now I got a bit used to it.
I do ok in front of my group.
I'm also fine with speaking about general stuff for popular science lectures. That's just basic stuff so not much can go wrong.
Still telling about what we do in front of people who could then tear it all apart and are (are suppose to be) much wiser then me gets me all speechless again.
I know it doesn't really matter - there are no grades, no consequences of doing badly - except people remembering me as an idiot.
Still i just can't relax. I'm all shaky and stressed. I can't sleep and the things that happen in my stomach are going to end with ulcer.
I make it worse by worrying. I know. But I can't stop.
Kind of makes me understand why artists so often smoke, drink or get stoned.
I think I'm going to take some magnesium. And/or eat chocolate.