Who ya gonna call?
Title: Who ya gonna call?
Pairing: None? Seriously, I have no idea how this happened, but it's gen fic.
Rating: PG, maybe, for swearing
Word Count: ~3500
Disclaimer: I can only fantasize that this is really going on. Alas, it's not. Unless it is, and if so, I want photographic evidence, dammit!
Summary: AU. Jared never meant to be a ghost buster.
A/N 1: This SO didn't turn out how I planned. I didn't even know I was capable of writing gen fic. I feel like I should warn you, too. My Jensen muse was being a bitch and decided he didn't want to have anything to do with this story, so he's not even in it. Sorry? *sheepish smile*
A/N 2: Thanks to enablelove for the beta, even after I told her it was Jensen-less. <333
Jared never meant to be a ghost buster. He always wanted, from the age of five when he received his first chemistry set, to be a scientist. He loved blowing stuff up and using his microscope to see everything in amazing, magnified detail. And later he discovered his love of analyzing the human mind, which led him to psychology. He got his PhD in abnormal psychology at a young age, thanks to skipping several grades and working his ass off to make it through undergrad and grad school in four years. As a result, he’s the youngest research fellow at the university. He started out researching borderline personality disorder and somehow wound up in paranormal studies. He blames Misha. Or maybe the tequila, but mainly Misha.
Which brings him to his current predicament- in the little-used archive in the basement of the local library, searching for a supposed ghost. Jared doesn’t really believe in ghosts. He’s more interested in psychic ability, ESP, and stuff like that rather than the possible existence of life after death. But Misha’s busy doing… something, whatever Misha does, and Chad’s stuck in traffic across town. That leaves Jared to hunt down this supposed ghost, a full-body apparition as Misha would label it, that showed up this morning and terrorized one of the reference librarians.
“So where did you see this thing?” Jared asks, hiding his boredom with difficulty. He has a small reporter’s notebook in his hands, ostensibly to write down what this lady is telling him, but really he’s doodling caricatures of all the patrons nearby. He’s particularly impressed with his drawing of the skinny guy pathetically flirting with the girl sitting across from him.
“Downstairs in the archive! It’s full of old, dusty books, and no one ever goes down there. And then I turned a corner and saw a woman in the stacks, shelving books!” Mrs. Johnson- no, Peterson- exclaims loudly, clutching at the pearls around her neck.
“Mm-hm,” Jared drawls noncommittally. “And you’re sure this wasn’t another coworker?” Jared adds horns and a tail to his drawing, then glances up to find Mrs. Johnson- Peterson- looking at him like he’s totally nuts. Him, when she’s the one talking about a ghost.
“She was wearing a turn-of-the-century dress and hovering a foot off the floor!” she yells, drawing the attention of several patrons. Mrs. Peterson harrumphs and tightens her grip on her necklace.
“Right. Can you show me this archive place then?” Closing his notebook with a snap, Jared arches one eyebrow and waits for her curt nod. “Lead the way.”
Jared follows Mrs. Peterson down into the bowels of the library. It’s dimly lit with bookcase after bookcase filled with dusty, ancient-looking books. Jared sees cobwebs in several corners, and it’s eerily quiet. Perfect atmosphere for mistaking a coworker for a ghost. Jared’s not surprised Mrs. Peterson believes she stumbled on one.
“Where was it exactly?” Jared asks, pulling some equipment out of the bag slung across his chest.
“Down that way. In fiction, Gh-He,” Mrs. Peterson replies, pointing. Her hand’s shaking, and it’s obvious she wants to be anywhere else right now.
“Thanks, Mrs. Peterson. You can head on upstairs. I’ve got it from here.” Jared smiles and pats her arm reassuringly.
Nodding, she turns and flees back toward the stairs like her heels are on fire. Jared waits till her footsteps fade, then flips on his EMF meter. Misha made it out of spare parts he had lying around their tiny office, so it doesn’t look very pretty. It gets the job done, though, and that’s all Jared cares about. He’s used to Misha’s crazy gadgets anyway. At least Jared actually knows what this one does, unlike most of the others.
Jared searches all the aisles on the way toward Fiction Gh-He, just in case. There’s not much to see and the EMF meter remains silent. That is, until he reaches the ancient card catalogue in the middle of the room. Several drawers stand open, the cards spilling out of the drawers and onto the floor. They leave a crooked trail toward the fiction section. A clear, mucus-like substance covers a couple of the open drawers, like someone sneezed all over them.
“Gross,” Jared mutters, wrinkling his nose.
He approaches the goo cautiously, reluctant to actually touch it. Just as he reaches out a hand, there’s a terrible clatter over by the stairs. Jared jumps, then slips in some goo on the floor, knocking his elbow on a partially open drawer.
“Dammit!” he swears, rubbing his elbow. It’s already bruised red and purple and hurts like a bitch.
The clatter gets louder and closer, eventually resolving into the appearance of Chad. Jared relaxes at the familiar sight of is best friend- bed head, baggy clothes, cigarette hanging precariously in the corner of his mouth.
“Yo, JT!” Chad calls loudly, clapping Jared on the back hard enough to make him stagger. “Find any freaky shit yet?”
“Just the ghost snot you’re standing in,” Jared answers evenly.
Blanching, Chad glances down, then makes a disgusted face. “That’s really fucking sick, man. This place is paying to buy me new shoes.”
Jared smirks at Chad’s grumbling, thankful he’s here now and can share the ghost hunting duty.
“What do you think it is?” Chad prods the goo with a pencil he had stuck behind his ear. It squelches as he moves the pencil around, causing them both to gag. It really does look like snot.
“Don’t know. I’m sure Misha will want some, though.” Jared digs a petri dish out of his bag and hands it over to Chad. “Here, get a sample.”
“What are you gonna do?” Chad yells after him as Jared walks away.
“Keep looking for that ghost.”
As Jared nears the correct aisle, the EMF meter goes nuts- beeping and flashing and buzzing. Jared pauses, taking a deep breath before facing the aisle. There’s an older woman shelving books from a rolling cart beside her. Her gray hair is pulled back into a severe bun, and she’s wearing old-fashioned clothes- a long skirt and a white shirt with a ruffled collar. She’s slightly transparent; Jared can see through her to the shelves behind her when she turns a certain way. Jared freezes in place, gaze roaming wonderingly from the top of her head to her shoes, which are hovering about a foot off the floor.
See, Jared may be in paranormal studies and he may hear Misha drone on and on about ghosts, but he’s never really believed before. He never had concrete proof that life goes on after death. And now there’s a ghost floating in front of him. He’s a little shocked, to say the least.
Jared’s still frozen in place when Chad comes skidding up behind him. He catches himself on Jared’s bag strap and gapes at the ghost. “JT, that's a ghost!” he exclaims in Jared’s ear.
The ghost glances up at them, a frown drawing down her eyebrows.
“I know,” Jared replies, barely moving his lips. He doesn’t want to piss the thing off. She looks like the type to beat you with a ruler for talking too loudly in the library.
“JT, that's a real motherfucking ghost!” Chad says, hanging onto Jared’s arm for dear life now.
“I know!”
Frowning harder, the ghost rounds on them and brings her finger up to her lips. “SHH!” she demands sternly, and Jared swallows hard.
Misha says most ghosts are inherently harmless. They’re just caught between planes of existence and can’t help but feel a little cranky about that fact. Right now, Jared thinks Misha’s theory is utter bullshit.
“Shit. What the fuck do we do?” Chad asks.
They should be filming this or trying to talk calmly to her, but all the instructions Misha gave Jared flew right out of his head the moment he saw a real, full-blown apparition.
Apparently, the ghost is fed up with all their chatter. She screams shrilly, then spins back toward them and turns her freaking face inside out. Jared can see muscles and veins wrapped around bone. Jared stares for a long moment before shoving Chad and yelling at the top of his lungs.
“RUN!!!!”
They’re up the stairs and out of the library so fast Jared doesn’t think his feet actually touch the floor. They don’t even slow down when the library director calls after them.
When they get back to their tiny, cramped office (after a stop at the bar for a fortifying shot of whiskey), they discover the dean there, overseeing the removal of all their equipment.
“Hey! What the fuck are you doing?” Chad shouts, blocking the guy attempting to rip out all their extra computers.
“Sorry, boys,” Dean Winston says, the usual condescending tone in his voice. “The university decided your program is no longer needed and pulled your funds.” He strokes his ridiculous-looking mustache and smirks. “Have all your crap out of here by tomorrow morning, or it goes in the dumpster.”
Jared grinds his teeth. Dean Winston has always had it out for them, and Jared doesn’t know why. Chad probably slept with his daughter or something. There’s nothing they can do if it was the university’s decision. This is especially ironic given what they saw at the library today, and Jared smiles grimly. Chad’s about to argue, Jared can tell, so he hurriedly crosses to Chad and clamps a hand over his mouth. Chad’s eyes narrow angrily, but he settles down when Jared arches an eyebrow at him.
“Of course. We’ll have everything out of your way immediately,” Jared says overly sweetly, and Chad snorts. When Jared’s sure Chad will keep his mouth shut, he removes his hand, then wipes it on his pants.
“See that you do,” Dean Winston insists. “Oh, by the way, you’re all fired as well,” he announces happily before leaving, a triumphant expression on his face.
Jared and Chad watch as the men destroy their office and carry out years’ worth of research. Jared keeps a restraining hand on Chad’s arm, who’s practically vibrating with rage. Chad sends a curse-filled text to Misha, letting him know what’s happening. As the men disappear with the last of their stuff, Jared’s phone chimes with a text message alert. He digs it out of the bottom of his bag and flips it open.
“It’s from Misha. He wants us to meet him outside on the steps,” Jared tells Chad. “Come on. It’ll be all right, man.” Slinging an arm across Chad’s shoulders, Jared steers him out of the office. “I’m sure Misha already has a new crazy plan for us.”
“Yeah.” Chad glances back at their ruined office once more, then squares his shoulders with a flinty look in his eyes. “It’ll be the best plan ever. We’ll show that fucker we’re better than him and his stupid university.”
“Damn straight!”
Misha’s waiting for them when they get outside, leaning on the stone railing and studying the students walking by down below. Jared claps him on the back, mentally rolling his eyes at Misha’s pristine lab coat. He bought it when he earned his PhD, because “all doctors need lab coats, Jared.” He thinks it makes him look more official or something. Jared refrains from telling Misha he just looks like a dork.
“Hey, guys.” Misha straightens and turns to face them. His hair is sticking up in a wild mess as usual, but he looks awfully happy for someone that just got kicked out and fired.
Jared had called Misha from the bar to tell him about the library ghost. Well, to babble incoherently about the library ghost, at least. Misha squealed excitedly and hung up on him. Jared just downed another shot.
“What now?” Chad asks grumpily, crossing his arms and leaning back against the railing.
“Oh, I already have new jobs lined up for us,” Misha answers, smiling cryptically.
“See! Told you Misha would have a plan!” Jared exclaims and nudges Chad’s foot. “What is this job, man?”
“We’re going to be ghost busters,” Misha announces dramatically, throwing his arms out.
Jared exchanges a worried look with Chad, then sighs. Ghost busters. Great.
Misha’s not kidding about the ghost busting thing. Jared and Chad’s poor performance with the library ghost apparently did nothing to discourage his plan, which he’s had in the works for months now, sure Dean Winston would eventually find a way to get rid of them. He developed a way to safely contain ghosts, or so he says. He gets edgy and stammers every time Jared asks him if it’s completely safe. Knowing Misha, whatever it is will inevitably blow up.
They obtain a small business loan from the bank by lying about the nature of their business and surprisingly in spite of Chad leering at the bank manager. It’s not much of a loan, and Jared has no idea how they’ll afford an office space, let alone all the overhead that comes with it. Somehow Chad comes through and finds them the perfect space. Well, Chad and Misha think it’s the perfect place. Jared’s not so sure an old barn without any walls and a dingy basement is good for anything besides asbestos poisoning.
Jared and Chad spend their time hanging drywall and painting and just generally making the big, drafty building habitable. Misha is always down in the basement with the bugs and God knows what else, tinkering around with his ghost containment equipment, which Jared finally gets out him is made from unstable chemicals that can light them on fire like dozens of candles if used improperly.
“Great. Sounds awesome then,” Jared mutters.
Misha obviously misses the sarcasm, because he beams brightly and claps Jared on the back. “Don’t you know it, man!” he gushes.
“Right,” Jared says, backing away from the contraption sprawled all over the table, inching as quickly as possible toward the stairs to the main level. “You keep working on it, man. I’ll just be upstairs-” running for my life, he finishes silently.
When Jared gets back from the store one day, he finds Chad underneath the ugliest car he’s ever seen. It might be a Pinto, but he’s not sure with all the dents and rust. It’s an odd apple green color with red-orange interior, and Jared prays Chad didn’t actually pay for the piece of junk.
“What the hell is that?” Jared asks, hands on his hips as Chad rolls back out from underneath.
“Isn’t it amazing?” Chad replies excitedly, smiling big. “I’m pimping it out- brand new engine, dope rims, killer stereo. It’s gonna be our ghost busting mobile.”
“Dude, I don’t think all three of us and our equipment will fit in there.”
Chad waves a hand in dismissal. “Whatever, whatever. It’s gonna be a sweet ride when I’m done.”
“Great. Have fun.”
Shaking his head fondly, Jared heads out of the garage into the space with their offices. Chad is a bit much sometimes, but he’s a good guy. They’ve been best friends since before they could read, and Chad’s helped him out of just as many scrapes as he’s gotten Jared into.
Misha’s hovering over a Petri dish of the ghost goo from the library when Jared gets inside. Misha pokes it, rubbing the sticky substance between his fingers. Jared doesn’t think that’s a good idea and takes a couple hasty steps backward, just in case it decides to explode or something.
“So I was thinking we need to hire an assistant to help with all the office work- answering phones and stuff like that,” Misha states as he slips the Petri dish under a microscope.
Jared glances around at their still half-empty office and completely quiet phones. “Yeah, sure. Whatever you think is best,” he answers. He learned a long time ago not to stand in Misha’s way when he gets an idea in his head.
Which is how they end up with Aldis. Chad pouts because he wanted a hot secretary with a big rack and skimpy skirt, and Aldis is nowhere close to that. He’s the only one that answered their ad, though, so Chad will just have to deal.
Jared instantly likes Aldis. He’s funny and smart and the only sane one around their office that Jared can talk to. Aldis has never had an office job before, but things are so quiet, he has plenty of time to learn on-the-go.
Once he’s done painting and getting everything set up, Jared grows bored pretty quickly. There’s not much to do besides sit around and wait for the phone to not ring. He and Aldis play a lot of video games, feet kicked up on Jared’s desk, bowls of chips or Cheetos or popcorn on their laps. Jared also takes several naps throughout the day or helps Chad work on the car. All in all, it’s the easiest job he’s ever had. He sure would like some excitement, though.
Be careful what you wish for, right?
The call comes in on an everyday, calm Wednesday. Jared’s woken from a catnap by a horrendously loud buzzing noise. He snorts awake, nearly falling out of his desk chair, and immediately covers his ears.
“What the hell is that?” he yells at Misha, who’s heading toward the door to the basement with a huge, shit-eating grin on his face. It’s a little creepy.
“Our ghost alarm!” he yells back, throwing his arms up in triumph. “We’ve got a job, Jared! Time to suit up!”
Abruptly, the alarm shuts off. Jared’s ears ring from the sudden silence. Following Misha downstairs, Jared finds Chad already there, pulling on the official ghost busting coveralls Misha insisted on. There’s a giant picture of a Casper-like, cartoon ghost on the back, and they all look like dorks in them, especially Jared with his freaky height. Chad’s also grinning, and his obvious excitement pumps Jared up. He breaks into his own smile and jumps down the last couple steps.
Chad sees him and raises his hand for a high five. “All right. Let’s do this shit!” he exclaims with a fist pump.
“Hell, yeah!” Jared replies enthusiastically.
They are so gonna own this ghost.
Two hours later, Jared just wants to go home. This ghost is an ornery little shit, and Jared can’t wait to contain its annoying ass. The thing is amazingly adept at avoiding them, hopping through walls at the last minute, throwing that ghost goo at them, shoving furniture and whatever else it can grab in their path. Jared’s covered in bruises and has an itchy patch of ghost goo stuck in his hair. The hotel they’re in is trashed and frankly, Jared’s surprised the manager hasn’t thrown them out yet.
“Jesus Christ on a cracker!” Chad swears, ducking behind the rolling toiletries cart where Jared’s taking a break. He refuses to admit he’s hiding from a freaking ghost. “That asshole will not go down!”
“Yes. It’s very interesting,” Misha says. He looks intrigued rather than pissed off like Jared and Chad. He keeps pulling a notebook out of his back pocket and jotting things down. Jared admires his dedication to research, but he’s too tired himself to help Misha out with any note-taking.
“Look, we can’t keep doing this. I’m beat, man.”
Jared nods in agreement and after a moment, so does Misha.
“Right,” Jared states firmly. “Let’s try a different tactic. Chad and I will corner it somewhere. Misha, you sneak up from behind and point your laser at it and-”
“It’s not a laser,” Misha interrupts. He looks so sad that Jared would call his ghost containment thing a laser that Jared pats him on the back and apologizes.
“Point is, we corner this sucker and get the job over with, then go get spectacularly drunk to celebrate.”
Misha perks up at that, grinning, and turns to Chad for a high five.
Plan settled, they move into place. It’s another 15 minutes and even more damage to the hallway of the hotel they’re in, but they finally manage to pin the little shit down and grab him. Misha holds the metal box containing the ghost up triumphantly. It’s steaming and letting off a foul odor and the chemical composition probably isn’t stable, but Jared’s feeling so high from their first, successful, job that he doesn’t care.
They burn the fee they just earned on tequila and Jack Daniels and celebrate well into the night.
Things take off after that. The business isn’t exactly booming to the point where they need help or anything, but it’s enough to keep them busy. It means less time playing video games and more time dressed like a dork in coveralls, but they’re getting paid and helping people, which is the only important part for Jared. Chad likes the money and access to hot, desperate women, but Jared’s always known Chad’s a bit of an asshole.
Jared’s still afraid of Misha’s experiments, but Misha has so much fun playing around and blowing shit up and stuff that Jared doesn’t have the heart to say anything. Misha’s excited smiles are worth a singed eyebrow or two.
So Jared’s happy and fulfilled and all that jazz. Being a ghost buster may not have been a lifelong goal, but he’s grateful for Misha’s crazy idea and the ways it’s changed his life.
Pairing: None? Seriously, I have no idea how this happened, but it's gen fic.
Rating: PG, maybe, for swearing
Word Count: ~3500
Disclaimer: I can only fantasize that this is really going on. Alas, it's not. Unless it is, and if so, I want photographic evidence, dammit!
Summary: AU. Jared never meant to be a ghost buster.
A/N 1: This SO didn't turn out how I planned. I didn't even know I was capable of writing gen fic. I feel like I should warn you, too. My Jensen muse was being a bitch and decided he didn't want to have anything to do with this story, so he's not even in it. Sorry? *sheepish smile*
A/N 2: Thanks to enablelove for the beta, even after I told her it was Jensen-less. <333
Jared never meant to be a ghost buster. He always wanted, from the age of five when he received his first chemistry set, to be a scientist. He loved blowing stuff up and using his microscope to see everything in amazing, magnified detail. And later he discovered his love of analyzing the human mind, which led him to psychology. He got his PhD in abnormal psychology at a young age, thanks to skipping several grades and working his ass off to make it through undergrad and grad school in four years. As a result, he’s the youngest research fellow at the university. He started out researching borderline personality disorder and somehow wound up in paranormal studies. He blames Misha. Or maybe the tequila, but mainly Misha.
Which brings him to his current predicament- in the little-used archive in the basement of the local library, searching for a supposed ghost. Jared doesn’t really believe in ghosts. He’s more interested in psychic ability, ESP, and stuff like that rather than the possible existence of life after death. But Misha’s busy doing… something, whatever Misha does, and Chad’s stuck in traffic across town. That leaves Jared to hunt down this supposed ghost, a full-body apparition as Misha would label it, that showed up this morning and terrorized one of the reference librarians.
“So where did you see this thing?” Jared asks, hiding his boredom with difficulty. He has a small reporter’s notebook in his hands, ostensibly to write down what this lady is telling him, but really he’s doodling caricatures of all the patrons nearby. He’s particularly impressed with his drawing of the skinny guy pathetically flirting with the girl sitting across from him.
“Downstairs in the archive! It’s full of old, dusty books, and no one ever goes down there. And then I turned a corner and saw a woman in the stacks, shelving books!” Mrs. Johnson- no, Peterson- exclaims loudly, clutching at the pearls around her neck.
“Mm-hm,” Jared drawls noncommittally. “And you’re sure this wasn’t another coworker?” Jared adds horns and a tail to his drawing, then glances up to find Mrs. Johnson- Peterson- looking at him like he’s totally nuts. Him, when she’s the one talking about a ghost.
“She was wearing a turn-of-the-century dress and hovering a foot off the floor!” she yells, drawing the attention of several patrons. Mrs. Peterson harrumphs and tightens her grip on her necklace.
“Right. Can you show me this archive place then?” Closing his notebook with a snap, Jared arches one eyebrow and waits for her curt nod. “Lead the way.”
Jared follows Mrs. Peterson down into the bowels of the library. It’s dimly lit with bookcase after bookcase filled with dusty, ancient-looking books. Jared sees cobwebs in several corners, and it’s eerily quiet. Perfect atmosphere for mistaking a coworker for a ghost. Jared’s not surprised Mrs. Peterson believes she stumbled on one.
“Where was it exactly?” Jared asks, pulling some equipment out of the bag slung across his chest.
“Down that way. In fiction, Gh-He,” Mrs. Peterson replies, pointing. Her hand’s shaking, and it’s obvious she wants to be anywhere else right now.
“Thanks, Mrs. Peterson. You can head on upstairs. I’ve got it from here.” Jared smiles and pats her arm reassuringly.
Nodding, she turns and flees back toward the stairs like her heels are on fire. Jared waits till her footsteps fade, then flips on his EMF meter. Misha made it out of spare parts he had lying around their tiny office, so it doesn’t look very pretty. It gets the job done, though, and that’s all Jared cares about. He’s used to Misha’s crazy gadgets anyway. At least Jared actually knows what this one does, unlike most of the others.
Jared searches all the aisles on the way toward Fiction Gh-He, just in case. There’s not much to see and the EMF meter remains silent. That is, until he reaches the ancient card catalogue in the middle of the room. Several drawers stand open, the cards spilling out of the drawers and onto the floor. They leave a crooked trail toward the fiction section. A clear, mucus-like substance covers a couple of the open drawers, like someone sneezed all over them.
“Gross,” Jared mutters, wrinkling his nose.
He approaches the goo cautiously, reluctant to actually touch it. Just as he reaches out a hand, there’s a terrible clatter over by the stairs. Jared jumps, then slips in some goo on the floor, knocking his elbow on a partially open drawer.
“Dammit!” he swears, rubbing his elbow. It’s already bruised red and purple and hurts like a bitch.
The clatter gets louder and closer, eventually resolving into the appearance of Chad. Jared relaxes at the familiar sight of is best friend- bed head, baggy clothes, cigarette hanging precariously in the corner of his mouth.
“Yo, JT!” Chad calls loudly, clapping Jared on the back hard enough to make him stagger. “Find any freaky shit yet?”
“Just the ghost snot you’re standing in,” Jared answers evenly.
Blanching, Chad glances down, then makes a disgusted face. “That’s really fucking sick, man. This place is paying to buy me new shoes.”
Jared smirks at Chad’s grumbling, thankful he’s here now and can share the ghost hunting duty.
“What do you think it is?” Chad prods the goo with a pencil he had stuck behind his ear. It squelches as he moves the pencil around, causing them both to gag. It really does look like snot.
“Don’t know. I’m sure Misha will want some, though.” Jared digs a petri dish out of his bag and hands it over to Chad. “Here, get a sample.”
“What are you gonna do?” Chad yells after him as Jared walks away.
“Keep looking for that ghost.”
As Jared nears the correct aisle, the EMF meter goes nuts- beeping and flashing and buzzing. Jared pauses, taking a deep breath before facing the aisle. There’s an older woman shelving books from a rolling cart beside her. Her gray hair is pulled back into a severe bun, and she’s wearing old-fashioned clothes- a long skirt and a white shirt with a ruffled collar. She’s slightly transparent; Jared can see through her to the shelves behind her when she turns a certain way. Jared freezes in place, gaze roaming wonderingly from the top of her head to her shoes, which are hovering about a foot off the floor.
See, Jared may be in paranormal studies and he may hear Misha drone on and on about ghosts, but he’s never really believed before. He never had concrete proof that life goes on after death. And now there’s a ghost floating in front of him. He’s a little shocked, to say the least.
Jared’s still frozen in place when Chad comes skidding up behind him. He catches himself on Jared’s bag strap and gapes at the ghost. “JT, that's a ghost!” he exclaims in Jared’s ear.
The ghost glances up at them, a frown drawing down her eyebrows.
“I know,” Jared replies, barely moving his lips. He doesn’t want to piss the thing off. She looks like the type to beat you with a ruler for talking too loudly in the library.
“JT, that's a real motherfucking ghost!” Chad says, hanging onto Jared’s arm for dear life now.
“I know!”
Frowning harder, the ghost rounds on them and brings her finger up to her lips. “SHH!” she demands sternly, and Jared swallows hard.
Misha says most ghosts are inherently harmless. They’re just caught between planes of existence and can’t help but feel a little cranky about that fact. Right now, Jared thinks Misha’s theory is utter bullshit.
“Shit. What the fuck do we do?” Chad asks.
They should be filming this or trying to talk calmly to her, but all the instructions Misha gave Jared flew right out of his head the moment he saw a real, full-blown apparition.
Apparently, the ghost is fed up with all their chatter. She screams shrilly, then spins back toward them and turns her freaking face inside out. Jared can see muscles and veins wrapped around bone. Jared stares for a long moment before shoving Chad and yelling at the top of his lungs.
“RUN!!!!”
They’re up the stairs and out of the library so fast Jared doesn’t think his feet actually touch the floor. They don’t even slow down when the library director calls after them.
When they get back to their tiny, cramped office (after a stop at the bar for a fortifying shot of whiskey), they discover the dean there, overseeing the removal of all their equipment.
“Hey! What the fuck are you doing?” Chad shouts, blocking the guy attempting to rip out all their extra computers.
“Sorry, boys,” Dean Winston says, the usual condescending tone in his voice. “The university decided your program is no longer needed and pulled your funds.” He strokes his ridiculous-looking mustache and smirks. “Have all your crap out of here by tomorrow morning, or it goes in the dumpster.”
Jared grinds his teeth. Dean Winston has always had it out for them, and Jared doesn’t know why. Chad probably slept with his daughter or something. There’s nothing they can do if it was the university’s decision. This is especially ironic given what they saw at the library today, and Jared smiles grimly. Chad’s about to argue, Jared can tell, so he hurriedly crosses to Chad and clamps a hand over his mouth. Chad’s eyes narrow angrily, but he settles down when Jared arches an eyebrow at him.
“Of course. We’ll have everything out of your way immediately,” Jared says overly sweetly, and Chad snorts. When Jared’s sure Chad will keep his mouth shut, he removes his hand, then wipes it on his pants.
“See that you do,” Dean Winston insists. “Oh, by the way, you’re all fired as well,” he announces happily before leaving, a triumphant expression on his face.
Jared and Chad watch as the men destroy their office and carry out years’ worth of research. Jared keeps a restraining hand on Chad’s arm, who’s practically vibrating with rage. Chad sends a curse-filled text to Misha, letting him know what’s happening. As the men disappear with the last of their stuff, Jared’s phone chimes with a text message alert. He digs it out of the bottom of his bag and flips it open.
“It’s from Misha. He wants us to meet him outside on the steps,” Jared tells Chad. “Come on. It’ll be all right, man.” Slinging an arm across Chad’s shoulders, Jared steers him out of the office. “I’m sure Misha already has a new crazy plan for us.”
“Yeah.” Chad glances back at their ruined office once more, then squares his shoulders with a flinty look in his eyes. “It’ll be the best plan ever. We’ll show that fucker we’re better than him and his stupid university.”
“Damn straight!”
Misha’s waiting for them when they get outside, leaning on the stone railing and studying the students walking by down below. Jared claps him on the back, mentally rolling his eyes at Misha’s pristine lab coat. He bought it when he earned his PhD, because “all doctors need lab coats, Jared.” He thinks it makes him look more official or something. Jared refrains from telling Misha he just looks like a dork.
“Hey, guys.” Misha straightens and turns to face them. His hair is sticking up in a wild mess as usual, but he looks awfully happy for someone that just got kicked out and fired.
Jared had called Misha from the bar to tell him about the library ghost. Well, to babble incoherently about the library ghost, at least. Misha squealed excitedly and hung up on him. Jared just downed another shot.
“What now?” Chad asks grumpily, crossing his arms and leaning back against the railing.
“Oh, I already have new jobs lined up for us,” Misha answers, smiling cryptically.
“See! Told you Misha would have a plan!” Jared exclaims and nudges Chad’s foot. “What is this job, man?”
“We’re going to be ghost busters,” Misha announces dramatically, throwing his arms out.
Jared exchanges a worried look with Chad, then sighs. Ghost busters. Great.
Misha’s not kidding about the ghost busting thing. Jared and Chad’s poor performance with the library ghost apparently did nothing to discourage his plan, which he’s had in the works for months now, sure Dean Winston would eventually find a way to get rid of them. He developed a way to safely contain ghosts, or so he says. He gets edgy and stammers every time Jared asks him if it’s completely safe. Knowing Misha, whatever it is will inevitably blow up.
They obtain a small business loan from the bank by lying about the nature of their business and surprisingly in spite of Chad leering at the bank manager. It’s not much of a loan, and Jared has no idea how they’ll afford an office space, let alone all the overhead that comes with it. Somehow Chad comes through and finds them the perfect space. Well, Chad and Misha think it’s the perfect place. Jared’s not so sure an old barn without any walls and a dingy basement is good for anything besides asbestos poisoning.
Jared and Chad spend their time hanging drywall and painting and just generally making the big, drafty building habitable. Misha is always down in the basement with the bugs and God knows what else, tinkering around with his ghost containment equipment, which Jared finally gets out him is made from unstable chemicals that can light them on fire like dozens of candles if used improperly.
“Great. Sounds awesome then,” Jared mutters.
Misha obviously misses the sarcasm, because he beams brightly and claps Jared on the back. “Don’t you know it, man!” he gushes.
“Right,” Jared says, backing away from the contraption sprawled all over the table, inching as quickly as possible toward the stairs to the main level. “You keep working on it, man. I’ll just be upstairs-” running for my life, he finishes silently.
When Jared gets back from the store one day, he finds Chad underneath the ugliest car he’s ever seen. It might be a Pinto, but he’s not sure with all the dents and rust. It’s an odd apple green color with red-orange interior, and Jared prays Chad didn’t actually pay for the piece of junk.
“What the hell is that?” Jared asks, hands on his hips as Chad rolls back out from underneath.
“Isn’t it amazing?” Chad replies excitedly, smiling big. “I’m pimping it out- brand new engine, dope rims, killer stereo. It’s gonna be our ghost busting mobile.”
“Dude, I don’t think all three of us and our equipment will fit in there.”
Chad waves a hand in dismissal. “Whatever, whatever. It’s gonna be a sweet ride when I’m done.”
“Great. Have fun.”
Shaking his head fondly, Jared heads out of the garage into the space with their offices. Chad is a bit much sometimes, but he’s a good guy. They’ve been best friends since before they could read, and Chad’s helped him out of just as many scrapes as he’s gotten Jared into.
Misha’s hovering over a Petri dish of the ghost goo from the library when Jared gets inside. Misha pokes it, rubbing the sticky substance between his fingers. Jared doesn’t think that’s a good idea and takes a couple hasty steps backward, just in case it decides to explode or something.
“So I was thinking we need to hire an assistant to help with all the office work- answering phones and stuff like that,” Misha states as he slips the Petri dish under a microscope.
Jared glances around at their still half-empty office and completely quiet phones. “Yeah, sure. Whatever you think is best,” he answers. He learned a long time ago not to stand in Misha’s way when he gets an idea in his head.
Which is how they end up with Aldis. Chad pouts because he wanted a hot secretary with a big rack and skimpy skirt, and Aldis is nowhere close to that. He’s the only one that answered their ad, though, so Chad will just have to deal.
Jared instantly likes Aldis. He’s funny and smart and the only sane one around their office that Jared can talk to. Aldis has never had an office job before, but things are so quiet, he has plenty of time to learn on-the-go.
Once he’s done painting and getting everything set up, Jared grows bored pretty quickly. There’s not much to do besides sit around and wait for the phone to not ring. He and Aldis play a lot of video games, feet kicked up on Jared’s desk, bowls of chips or Cheetos or popcorn on their laps. Jared also takes several naps throughout the day or helps Chad work on the car. All in all, it’s the easiest job he’s ever had. He sure would like some excitement, though.
Be careful what you wish for, right?
The call comes in on an everyday, calm Wednesday. Jared’s woken from a catnap by a horrendously loud buzzing noise. He snorts awake, nearly falling out of his desk chair, and immediately covers his ears.
“What the hell is that?” he yells at Misha, who’s heading toward the door to the basement with a huge, shit-eating grin on his face. It’s a little creepy.
“Our ghost alarm!” he yells back, throwing his arms up in triumph. “We’ve got a job, Jared! Time to suit up!”
Abruptly, the alarm shuts off. Jared’s ears ring from the sudden silence. Following Misha downstairs, Jared finds Chad already there, pulling on the official ghost busting coveralls Misha insisted on. There’s a giant picture of a Casper-like, cartoon ghost on the back, and they all look like dorks in them, especially Jared with his freaky height. Chad’s also grinning, and his obvious excitement pumps Jared up. He breaks into his own smile and jumps down the last couple steps.
Chad sees him and raises his hand for a high five. “All right. Let’s do this shit!” he exclaims with a fist pump.
“Hell, yeah!” Jared replies enthusiastically.
They are so gonna own this ghost.
Two hours later, Jared just wants to go home. This ghost is an ornery little shit, and Jared can’t wait to contain its annoying ass. The thing is amazingly adept at avoiding them, hopping through walls at the last minute, throwing that ghost goo at them, shoving furniture and whatever else it can grab in their path. Jared’s covered in bruises and has an itchy patch of ghost goo stuck in his hair. The hotel they’re in is trashed and frankly, Jared’s surprised the manager hasn’t thrown them out yet.
“Jesus Christ on a cracker!” Chad swears, ducking behind the rolling toiletries cart where Jared’s taking a break. He refuses to admit he’s hiding from a freaking ghost. “That asshole will not go down!”
“Yes. It’s very interesting,” Misha says. He looks intrigued rather than pissed off like Jared and Chad. He keeps pulling a notebook out of his back pocket and jotting things down. Jared admires his dedication to research, but he’s too tired himself to help Misha out with any note-taking.
“Look, we can’t keep doing this. I’m beat, man.”
Jared nods in agreement and after a moment, so does Misha.
“Right,” Jared states firmly. “Let’s try a different tactic. Chad and I will corner it somewhere. Misha, you sneak up from behind and point your laser at it and-”
“It’s not a laser,” Misha interrupts. He looks so sad that Jared would call his ghost containment thing a laser that Jared pats him on the back and apologizes.
“Point is, we corner this sucker and get the job over with, then go get spectacularly drunk to celebrate.”
Misha perks up at that, grinning, and turns to Chad for a high five.
Plan settled, they move into place. It’s another 15 minutes and even more damage to the hallway of the hotel they’re in, but they finally manage to pin the little shit down and grab him. Misha holds the metal box containing the ghost up triumphantly. It’s steaming and letting off a foul odor and the chemical composition probably isn’t stable, but Jared’s feeling so high from their first, successful, job that he doesn’t care.
They burn the fee they just earned on tequila and Jack Daniels and celebrate well into the night.
Things take off after that. The business isn’t exactly booming to the point where they need help or anything, but it’s enough to keep them busy. It means less time playing video games and more time dressed like a dork in coveralls, but they’re getting paid and helping people, which is the only important part for Jared. Chad likes the money and access to hot, desperate women, but Jared’s always known Chad’s a bit of an asshole.
Jared’s still afraid of Misha’s experiments, but Misha has so much fun playing around and blowing shit up and stuff that Jared doesn’t have the heart to say anything. Misha’s excited smiles are worth a singed eyebrow or two.
So Jared’s happy and fulfilled and all that jazz. Being a ghost buster may not have been a lifelong goal, but he’s grateful for Misha’s crazy idea and the ways it’s changed his life.