serendipity do
the revolution is...in here?
i really need to work on myself. i'm hesitant to say so aloud, because my follow through to declarations said aloud sucks (i've not gone to see a therapist as stated should happen a couple of years ago, i've not signed onto classes--though my work sched has more to do with that, and other stuff).
but change--it should be a-coming. a doctor recently informed me i have insulin resistance which thankfully isn't quite diabetes. but is a precursor of it. some medical articles i read state that it has a side affect of depression.
this finally makes me feel vindicated: i get really sad sometimes, and the Alien used to get upset when i told him it had nothing to do with him, and that he coudn't fix me. it helps to know that i'm not just crazy. but it also makes it apparent that, when those feelings start, i have to be watchful of my own self-destructive tendencies. they just feed into the downward spiral and feelings of despair.
some of those tendencies recently led me to mar a friedship i hold very dear. luckily those friends have said they've forgiven me. i'm thankful they will overlook my unintentional attempt at burning that bridge; it's up to me to see that it never happens again.
in addition to that, i want to quit tearing myself down. not only for me, but for any kids i might have and/or be an example to. they pick up on everything, even when you'd think they weren't watching. how do i expect them to feel good about themselves when i don't have a healthy relationship with my own person?
well, onto step One: get some sleep, as an adequate amount of it contributes to overall health and mood.
good night, y'all.