day 2
of no b/p! Hell yeah. It's a shame such a small amount is a record for me...not all-time, but in the recent past. :) I hope I can keep going. No laxatives, forced vomiting, orrrr bingeing. I love it. I went running today about 6 miles...it was sooo exhausting. I really should just walk..but IDK. My mom wants me to because they're looking into me having long qt but it's hard to prove for sure...i prob dont have it...but my heart beats soo fast,i get soo out of breath without being out of shape, sometimes chest pain, and the feeling im going to fall/faint (well, it doesnt help i often run on an empty stomach or only 200 caloties worth of food...which..idk...) Who knows. I need to work on drinking mroe fluids/water. I have a diet coke addiction and unfortunately, it does not count. I drank 2 glasses healthy balance grape juice...and a bottle of water...oh and a glass of a water. Much better! But still im sure way under daily recommended water consumption (8 glasses i believe) :o
I hate feeling out of control, even when not bingeing,per se. Like i said, i try to restrict calories when not b/p... not insanely low or anything, dont worry...but i get hungry around now and i went down and ate a lot of honey wheat pretzels and almossstt got out my fave..natural p.b....but i resisted...im a vegetarian as i mentioned, and i know i dont get like any protein..so i need to eat pb. but it's fattening..idk. ahhh. fuck you,ed. why do i feel guilty whether i restrict,eat enough, or binge my face off?
Yikes...i know no one really reads this, but im sorry im alwaysss complaining/venting abt ED...but afterall, thats why i made this. I like to think im doing well..but i guess not...? Idk! Well 2 no b/p days is pretty good....
Tonight I went out to Starbucks and Wal Mart (yuck) with a friend. I got a skim vanilla latte (my fave..well soy is...but its more money and mroe calories) and then i bought ten dollar eyeshadow..lol waste...but i want to go out a lot more this semester and its sparkly so i figureed it'd be pretty sweet looking. And better than binge food! Which my average amnt is ten bucks per day..:(:( so better spent!
Haha sorry so many typos...im too lazy to fix it..lol. I want to watch Secret life of the american teenager (abcfamily) but tonight's episode is nottt posted yet! I am a sucker for cheesy dramas...shes pregnant and 15! lol My faves are One Tree Hill, that, Desp Housewives (but not with the 5 year flash forward like this season), House (which isnt cheesy,really) and King of Queens! (once again, not cheesy and not a drama)
Im sick of typing..i am the epitome of lazy...i end my posts when im sick of typing! Congrats Kristen, you can eat and your colonoscopy is over!:) wooooo.
Nite.
(prob will be up til 4 as per usual...past 4 nights! first 2 i was terrified..last 2 watching interventions on e.d.s)