and the breathlessness as we run
The swirl of weeks doesn't seem to stop. One day it's September and then it's October and then it's Halloween and then my Mom is calling me telling me about ordering a turkey for Thanksgiving. I spend nights sleeping (alone, in my room, only when forced) and days doing shotty reading of assignments, sloppily studying for tests that amazingly come back with things like 91/100 or A- on them. Hell, I'm not complaining.
We got a new President, gays and lesbians lost the right to marry in California and still time keeps going on, incessantly. I feel like I haven't been able to process much of what has happened in the last month. It's all just a blur of days right now. Not an unpleasant blur, but definitely unfocused and often unproductive until the very last moment that I can get away with it. And so until Christmas it's just going to be holding on to moments as I can, finding my way through the last two productions and doing some hopefully more focused studying for finals.
I can't help but feel like almost everything is different from last semester. There are things that are the same....same newspaper production schedule - breathing easy on in-between weeks and then steeling myself for spending more time in the office then a part-time job would require. The classes are different, but still have that same feeling. The same 2-3 hours of hesitation before I pump out another assignment. But there's just a lot of smaller, more significant things that are different. There's a feeling of security that seems to be gone. A sense of intimacy that is lost. It's like talking and sitting and hanging out is all of a sudden so much more difficult than it used to be. Now it's all planning and canceling and backing out and changing all the time.
Last thing's last: I officially didn't get the Chronicle internship, because they were supposed to call me by today for a phone interview if I was a finalist. And although they're not the New York Times or anything, I can't imagine a group of reporters are going to be cavalier about a deadline. It's not that I thought I was going to get it or anything it was just that I gave myself the hope. Now I'm just left to sit and think about how even though I had an in (a Pulitzer-Prize nominated in, btw) she still couldn't make them want me around for 10-12 weeks this summer.
We got a new President, gays and lesbians lost the right to marry in California and still time keeps going on, incessantly. I feel like I haven't been able to process much of what has happened in the last month. It's all just a blur of days right now. Not an unpleasant blur, but definitely unfocused and often unproductive until the very last moment that I can get away with it. And so until Christmas it's just going to be holding on to moments as I can, finding my way through the last two productions and doing some hopefully more focused studying for finals.
I can't help but feel like almost everything is different from last semester. There are things that are the same....same newspaper production schedule - breathing easy on in-between weeks and then steeling myself for spending more time in the office then a part-time job would require. The classes are different, but still have that same feeling. The same 2-3 hours of hesitation before I pump out another assignment. But there's just a lot of smaller, more significant things that are different. There's a feeling of security that seems to be gone. A sense of intimacy that is lost. It's like talking and sitting and hanging out is all of a sudden so much more difficult than it used to be. Now it's all planning and canceling and backing out and changing all the time.
Last thing's last: I officially didn't get the Chronicle internship, because they were supposed to call me by today for a phone interview if I was a finalist. And although they're not the New York Times or anything, I can't imagine a group of reporters are going to be cavalier about a deadline. It's not that I thought I was going to get it or anything it was just that I gave myself the hope. Now I'm just left to sit and think about how even though I had an in (a Pulitzer-Prize nominated in, btw) she still couldn't make them want me around for 10-12 weeks this summer.