(no subject)
just came back from a jewish anti chrsitmas party. been feeling down and trying to fight the winter blues. i dont like myself around popele the recently. i feel snappy and cold. maybe its just how i feel now. been working in the freezing cold at the time of year where everyone suddenly wants to volunteer at street help. i have nothing against giving but its hard not to roll the eyes . the bank just donated tons of gift bags to nameres as a holdiday gift which was nice but again i had to laugh. like the banks carew about homeless people any other tike of the year. i feel like such a grinch. that i should be locked in the house until the chrsitmas music stops. last night was hard at work . everything was a contrast . either things were super joyous and festive or popele were laying drunk on concrete. wind hitting there face. last night my co -worker (who is a way bigger grinch than me..) said 'i just dont believe that a big white man is going to come in the home of a native guy and give him lots of presents..'
i feel really out of shape and lazy.i think if i had less insecurities around my body i would have the highest sex drive ever. today i finally figured out was christmas is all about ..giving and receiving..from your girlfriend while doing it all day. ..thats the spririt.
all day i want to smoke and all day im convinced im going to have cancer and die at age 48 or something. strange thought. i become so elaborate with this..i nees to stop thinking morbid thoughts like this and even more so-i need to stop smocking.but how. dyed my hair today and i smell good right now. like an ex boyfriend-cause i tried i male cologne tester at shoppers.
im gonna read and do laundry/ look for leftover food that the christians may hav left in my house/im gonna dream of all the poems im gonna write
i feel really out of shape and lazy.i think if i had less insecurities around my body i would have the highest sex drive ever. today i finally figured out was christmas is all about ..giving and receiving..from your girlfriend while doing it all day. ..thats the spririt.
all day i want to smoke and all day im convinced im going to have cancer and die at age 48 or something. strange thought. i become so elaborate with this..i nees to stop thinking morbid thoughts like this and even more so-i need to stop smocking.but how. dyed my hair today and i smell good right now. like an ex boyfriend-cause i tried i male cologne tester at shoppers.
im gonna read and do laundry/ look for leftover food that the christians may hav left in my house/im gonna dream of all the poems im gonna write