(no subject)
you asked me to write to you and here i am , feeling overwhelmed. feeling a rumble beneath my skin. feeling words that i want to hand to you on a glass plate. words that are trying to climb the ladder of me. words that i want to dip in honey. words i want to peel to the core. coming out to my grandma has felt really painful so far. been walking around today feling like each step is like trailing a tree. each leg feels so heavy as i walk , held onto vines and layers of dreams rupturing. i have so many words i want to give to you . feed you with my naked fingertips. ive got so many words brewing . i need to be stirred . i feel so numb and yet so open like a walking open gash. so vulnerable like a hands up criminal. i want to be a child again today. i want to make snow angels. have red cheeks and eat cookies before bed. my grandmothers eyes are tombstones. half buried , half revealed. half beautiful , half teriifying. half still and always moving. i cant find the words to give to you. ive got words forming in bubbles. words left in the canals of venice. words wiped across my grandma's kitchen table. words carved in the wrinkles of her skin. words colaborating between my pores. words needing to be kissed. to be pushed and challenged. words that want to sleep and words that want to feel the air while toboganning down the snow. words that die in my mouth. words that mark scars. words that are buried in the earth. words circulating my eyes. words . words . my words are los in bethoven's music. my words bleed from my lips. press at my gut. my words are are a drunken man lost on his way home. my words are grandma's tears filling the house . my words have me tied up. have me pulled by the hair . my words are in a lightohuse by the sea. my words my words .
okay. i serioulsy dont know where that just came from-i started writing and that above is what came out. im feeling very introverted . im feeling down yet content in my own world of poetic thoughts and wild imagination. last night i got high with felix and lee. i did not feel so good so i would have preferred to stay home cause they were both in a different mood and space than me. i did have some good laughs and i fuckin love this city. its a strange feeling. everything seems and feels familliar and new. cause i grew up here-i know the city and yet i have no idea where i am. its a trippy feeling. same with being surrounded by french. it was my first language and i can feel it running along my bones and yet when the words come it they get stuck in memory and i hate that i have the potential to speak fluent -but its just not there. i just went out fr lunch with a very old friend that i grew up with and we have a strange history
ewww. the guy a tthis coffee shop wont leave me alone and wants to bye me a drink. im leaving now -cause i dont want to have to kiss ass-if u know what i mean.....MEN!
okay. i serioulsy dont know where that just came from-i started writing and that above is what came out. im feeling very introverted . im feeling down yet content in my own world of poetic thoughts and wild imagination. last night i got high with felix and lee. i did not feel so good so i would have preferred to stay home cause they were both in a different mood and space than me. i did have some good laughs and i fuckin love this city. its a strange feeling. everything seems and feels familliar and new. cause i grew up here-i know the city and yet i have no idea where i am. its a trippy feeling. same with being surrounded by french. it was my first language and i can feel it running along my bones and yet when the words come it they get stuck in memory and i hate that i have the potential to speak fluent -but its just not there. i just went out fr lunch with a very old friend that i grew up with and we have a strange history
ewww. the guy a tthis coffee shop wont leave me alone and wants to bye me a drink. im leaving now -cause i dont want to have to kiss ass-if u know what i mean.....MEN!