Five hundred twenty-five thousand, six hundred minutes.
A year ago today, almost to the hour, I made a post.
I was walking on air, I'd never felt like everything in my life was so right, I felt invincible, I felt like I would be able to overcome anything, no matter the challenge. I had someone who truly loved me and understood me and wanted me happy, and he would be there by my side, we would fight our battles together, we would lift each other up, we would make life wonderful for each other.
Today I can't recall a time in recent memory that I felt so completely dead on the inside. Everything good I used to feel about myself has gone. I feel hollow, empty and utterly alone. How can someone who supposedly loves me understand me so little? How can every word he says cut me and hollow me out and make me hate who I am? He would never say the things he does if he understood me... And if he does understand me and is still saying these things... I have to assume he doesn't love me at all. Why would he do things that make me feel like dying unless he either didn't understand or he outright hates me and wants me to be miserable? He either doesn't love me or he doesn't understand me. I don't know which one hurts worse.
I feel like an utter waste of existence right now. I don't ever want to leave this bed again.
I was walking on air, I'd never felt like everything in my life was so right, I felt invincible, I felt like I would be able to overcome anything, no matter the challenge. I had someone who truly loved me and understood me and wanted me happy, and he would be there by my side, we would fight our battles together, we would lift each other up, we would make life wonderful for each other.
Today I can't recall a time in recent memory that I felt so completely dead on the inside. Everything good I used to feel about myself has gone. I feel hollow, empty and utterly alone. How can someone who supposedly loves me understand me so little? How can every word he says cut me and hollow me out and make me hate who I am? He would never say the things he does if he understood me... And if he does understand me and is still saying these things... I have to assume he doesn't love me at all. Why would he do things that make me feel like dying unless he either didn't understand or he outright hates me and wants me to be miserable? He either doesn't love me or he doesn't understand me. I don't know which one hurts worse.
I feel like an utter waste of existence right now. I don't ever want to leave this bed again.