This post is brought you by the letter 'E'
So this is the story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside-down...
...no seriously, this is the longest fucking post I've ever made I'm pretty sure. It is basically a fast forward of my life the past 4 years. You can skip to the tl;dr at the bottom or just skip it all together, I don't expect you to read it all just owijeorijwer I needed to get this all down.
Ooookay. This entry. My life. Holy shit.
I’m not even sure where to start, so I guess I’ll go chronologically. Saturday night I went to the bar after work with a bunch of my coworkers as a going away party for one of my managers. We had a few drinks and watched the UFC fight. Jillian came and hung out for a little. It was kind of meh. People kept mentioning MMA, so I was expecting to see sparring and Kung-fu-movie-esque fights, but it was just a bunch of sweaty half-naked dudes groping each other. (considering later in the night, I enjoyed watching two boys make out, I’m not really sure how I feel about this anymore. :| OK LIFE, thanks for making me maybe like yaoi?)
ANYHOW. Got bored with the fight and went back to my place around 12:30 or so. Dicked around online and made that last post. Robby, his roommate and another friend got to my place around 2:30 to take me uptown to a warehouse rave type thing. I felt awkward and self-conscious as always, and tried to dance but failed, lol. Then around 5 am, the mood changed. The reason Robby came up was because he had things he’s wanted to tell me for years but didn’t dare say when I was with Alex because he thought I was really happy with him and didn’t want anything to ruin my happiness. He poured his heart out to me with his friend behind him encouraging him to tell me everything he wanted to say. I was speechless. I still am.
Robby and I dated 4 years ago, we first met at Katsucon 2005, my very first con. He was the first boy I’d dated that I had met and talked to on my own, past boyfriends had always been friends and friends of friends, that the introduction was done for me. I was always too awkward to talk to a boy I didn’t know. But it wasn’t that way with him. We fought a lot because hey, he was only 17 and still in high school. He felt a need to put up this egotistical front in front of other people and really came off like an asshole to a lot of my friends. But he was never like that when we were alone. He lived with his parents until he left for college and they didn’t like him having a girl spend the night. He didn’t have a car, so it was almost impossible to visit unless I went all the way to Annapolis and picked him up. He started college. I transferred from community college to Kutztown living in the dorms. We never had time to see each other. We both decided it was silly to keep pushing it and broke up. We still kept in contact. We talked pretty often, and we still hung out at cons. We got along better after we broke up then we did when we were dating. Around October 2007, a guy I was dating broke up with me for the second (third?) time. I was utterly depressed and heartbroken that I’d let him do that to me again. I didn’t want to go home and have my mom tell me how dumb I’d been and I wasn’t feeling much sympathy from the girls I was living with. One actually was angry with me because I didn’t personally tell her that he’d dumped me, she learned via facebook because I’d been in my room crying all day. HOW SYMPATHETIC. I went to Robby’s down at UMD. The way my classes worked out, I ended up staying for almost a week. His friends instantly took me in as one of their own, talked with me, hung out with me, and were just generally amazing. I felt more comfortable with them than people I’d known for years. Robby took me places to eat and play ITG, we went to see a suspension with a bunch of friends and other people, and just hung out and tried to keep my mind off everything. He was going through turbulence in a relationship he had, too, so it was really good for both of us.
After that week, I went back to KU. The boy who’d dumped me was apologizing, wanted me back. Obviously I wasn’t over him after only 6 days, so I accepted and we started dating. It lasted for about three months until he again decided he just wasn’t feeling it and dropped me. I had just moved to Philly and was bitterly depressed for various reasons, moreso than I ever had been in my life. But that’s pretty irrelevant to this story, so eh. Alex and I started dating again on Valentine’s Day last year. It was amazing at first, but after a few months it began to surface that we were in love with the person the other used to be and not who they had become. Most of you probably know that story since it’s all posted on here already. Hurrrr.
Annyhow. People can change a lot in 4 years. Especially when it’s going from 17 to 21. He’s really matured a lot. He’s stopped trying to put up a front and be someone he’s not. He’s got a good job set up, he’s graduating from college soon. He has amazing friends and does fun things that I would love to be a part of. He also really, really wants to make me happy. And he does. He's the reason I got into DDR/ITG, electronic music, he cosplays (He's my Squall <3), he DJs, he loves music, anime, games... He makes me feel content, more confident about myself, and more hopeful for the future.
This probably doesn’t make sense to most of you (if anyone is even still reading this, haha) because most of you don’t know my history and it’s really hard to put across emotions in text like this. Hell, most of you barely even know me, so if you’re reading this, thanks. :) It means a lot to have new friends who care about me.
Sooo, tl;dr: This amazing boy has pushed himself forward into my life again, and we’re going to try and see if we can’t get this thing to work this time around, now that we’re both older, more mature, and in a better place to do things on our own.
Um. Yeah. That's about it.
I'll post later with lots of picture of stuff I've drawn and stuff about Katsu (I have a wig for Kiyoh, yay!) but right now he is apparently driving up here to say goodnight to me and then going back for work in the morning. WHAT EVEN IS MY LIFE, how does this happen?
I get so wrapped up in the things I don't have, I often fail to notice what's right in front of me. I'm glad he never came out with is before, the timing would have been all wrong and I don't think things could have had a chance. I really think they do this time, though...
HOLY SHIT this is just one more reason why Katsucon will be the best con ever! I can't wait to see all of you, I don't think you can even understand how excited I am for this con!!!
...no seriously, this is the longest fucking post I've ever made I'm pretty sure. It is basically a fast forward of my life the past 4 years. You can skip to the tl;dr at the bottom or just skip it all together, I don't expect you to read it all just owijeorijwer I needed to get this all down.
Ooookay. This entry. My life. Holy shit.
I’m not even sure where to start, so I guess I’ll go chronologically. Saturday night I went to the bar after work with a bunch of my coworkers as a going away party for one of my managers. We had a few drinks and watched the UFC fight. Jillian came and hung out for a little. It was kind of meh. People kept mentioning MMA, so I was expecting to see sparring and Kung-fu-movie-esque fights, but it was just a bunch of sweaty half-naked dudes groping each other. (considering later in the night, I enjoyed watching two boys make out, I’m not really sure how I feel about this anymore. :| OK LIFE, thanks for making me maybe like yaoi?)
ANYHOW. Got bored with the fight and went back to my place around 12:30 or so. Dicked around online and made that last post. Robby, his roommate and another friend got to my place around 2:30 to take me uptown to a warehouse rave type thing. I felt awkward and self-conscious as always, and tried to dance but failed, lol. Then around 5 am, the mood changed. The reason Robby came up was because he had things he’s wanted to tell me for years but didn’t dare say when I was with Alex because he thought I was really happy with him and didn’t want anything to ruin my happiness. He poured his heart out to me with his friend behind him encouraging him to tell me everything he wanted to say. I was speechless. I still am.
Robby and I dated 4 years ago, we first met at Katsucon 2005, my very first con. He was the first boy I’d dated that I had met and talked to on my own, past boyfriends had always been friends and friends of friends, that the introduction was done for me. I was always too awkward to talk to a boy I didn’t know. But it wasn’t that way with him. We fought a lot because hey, he was only 17 and still in high school. He felt a need to put up this egotistical front in front of other people and really came off like an asshole to a lot of my friends. But he was never like that when we were alone. He lived with his parents until he left for college and they didn’t like him having a girl spend the night. He didn’t have a car, so it was almost impossible to visit unless I went all the way to Annapolis and picked him up. He started college. I transferred from community college to Kutztown living in the dorms. We never had time to see each other. We both decided it was silly to keep pushing it and broke up. We still kept in contact. We talked pretty often, and we still hung out at cons. We got along better after we broke up then we did when we were dating. Around October 2007, a guy I was dating broke up with me for the second (third?) time. I was utterly depressed and heartbroken that I’d let him do that to me again. I didn’t want to go home and have my mom tell me how dumb I’d been and I wasn’t feeling much sympathy from the girls I was living with. One actually was angry with me because I didn’t personally tell her that he’d dumped me, she learned via facebook because I’d been in my room crying all day. HOW SYMPATHETIC. I went to Robby’s down at UMD. The way my classes worked out, I ended up staying for almost a week. His friends instantly took me in as one of their own, talked with me, hung out with me, and were just generally amazing. I felt more comfortable with them than people I’d known for years. Robby took me places to eat and play ITG, we went to see a suspension with a bunch of friends and other people, and just hung out and tried to keep my mind off everything. He was going through turbulence in a relationship he had, too, so it was really good for both of us.
After that week, I went back to KU. The boy who’d dumped me was apologizing, wanted me back. Obviously I wasn’t over him after only 6 days, so I accepted and we started dating. It lasted for about three months until he again decided he just wasn’t feeling it and dropped me. I had just moved to Philly and was bitterly depressed for various reasons, moreso than I ever had been in my life. But that’s pretty irrelevant to this story, so eh. Alex and I started dating again on Valentine’s Day last year. It was amazing at first, but after a few months it began to surface that we were in love with the person the other used to be and not who they had become. Most of you probably know that story since it’s all posted on here already. Hurrrr.
Annyhow. People can change a lot in 4 years. Especially when it’s going from 17 to 21. He’s really matured a lot. He’s stopped trying to put up a front and be someone he’s not. He’s got a good job set up, he’s graduating from college soon. He has amazing friends and does fun things that I would love to be a part of. He also really, really wants to make me happy. And he does. He's the reason I got into DDR/ITG, electronic music, he cosplays (He's my Squall <3), he DJs, he loves music, anime, games... He makes me feel content, more confident about myself, and more hopeful for the future.
This probably doesn’t make sense to most of you (if anyone is even still reading this, haha) because most of you don’t know my history and it’s really hard to put across emotions in text like this. Hell, most of you barely even know me, so if you’re reading this, thanks. :) It means a lot to have new friends who care about me.
Sooo, tl;dr: This amazing boy has pushed himself forward into my life again, and we’re going to try and see if we can’t get this thing to work this time around, now that we’re both older, more mature, and in a better place to do things on our own.
Um. Yeah. That's about it.
I'll post later with lots of picture of stuff I've drawn and stuff about Katsu (I have a wig for Kiyoh, yay!) but right now he is apparently driving up here to say goodnight to me and then going back for work in the morning. WHAT EVEN IS MY LIFE, how does this happen?
I get so wrapped up in the things I don't have, I often fail to notice what's right in front of me. I'm glad he never came out with is before, the timing would have been all wrong and I don't think things could have had a chance. I really think they do this time, though...
HOLY SHIT this is just one more reason why Katsucon will be the best con ever! I can't wait to see all of you, I don't think you can even understand how excited I am for this con!!!