It's the nature of people, for some darned reason I've yet to figure out, to be their own worst enemy.
I think I have the talent thing figured out... I'm almost positive when David was finished, Michealangelo looked at it and said, "Eh, y'know, I could have done better... damn it!" Because what we see it should have been, in our heads, is perfect. But then when we actually create it, it's not as perfect as it was in our heads. However, the people who see it have no clue what the head version looked like, only what you actually made. So, I have that one figured out... why people are their own worst critics.
But I'm still trying to figure out why it seems most people have a voice in their head that basically tries to "downsize" everything they do. You never live up to your childhood expectation. Funny though, the only time that seems to matter to anyone else besides you, is when you go to the class reunion and everyone is playing the game of one up-man-ship. "Really? You're a doctor eh? Well, I'm God. Like the world I made?" And everyone takes great delight in remembering those who have done "worse" than they have done.
(I really do want to go to my next High School reunion and say, "I'm a part time waitress, part time amature writer, and I have no kids.. no one is lower than me, so everyone can feel really good about yourselves" Just because I can imagine the joy it would bring to their lives. Then they'd all feel free to get riproaring drunk and me, who can't/won't drink would remember all the embarassing shit they did and do a website about it later.... ahhh, dreams are good...)
I digress.. I did have a point to make... (The cold medication is kicking in...) Oh yes... someone once told me, "The only thing you have to do is die someday." When you think about it, that's true. There may be concequences to various actions you take, but really, the only thing you absolutely must do is someday die, and that's not even something you'll have to work at, it will happen. Anything from there on out is optional.
No matter how bad you think the situation is, no matter how hopeless it may seem to you, there is a way out. It may not be plesant, it may even get downright nasty, but there is a way out. Unless you're literally in jail, any situation made you can walk away from.
It comes down to deciding are the concequences worth the actions. In situations where I've been trying to figure out where I'm going with something, I first ask myself, "Will it kill me physically to stay where I am now?" If the answer is yes, then the choice is clear.. leave. If not, then you move onto question two... which gets trickier "Will it kill me spiritually if I stay?"
If the answer to question two is yes, you owe it to yourself and others to get out of the situation. Because someone who's soul and spirit is dead, is doing no good to anyone.
If I could only break free, achieve escape velocity so to speak, I know that there could be amazing things beyond the horizon. But how do you get there from here?
You know the answer to those questions. You really do. What you aren't sure of is if what waits for you on the other side is worth it. You know better than anyone else what the reactions will be if you do it. Will those be outweighed by how you'll feel for finally leaving a situation you're miserable with?
My answer to this innocent query was at once naive, ambitious, and perhaps (at least I would like to think so) profound; I said.. "Change the world" and I said it immediately, almost as a reflex, I didn't even take a moment to think. I still feel this way, and still believe it to be possible.
That's a loaded statement... you can still change the world. But, when you're finished, will the world be a better place than before?
I think I have the talent thing figured out... I'm almost positive when David was finished, Michealangelo looked at it and said, "Eh, y'know, I could have done better... damn it!" Because what we see it should have been, in our heads, is perfect. But then when we actually create it, it's not as perfect as it was in our heads. However, the people who see it have no clue what the head version looked like, only what you actually made. So, I have that one figured out... why people are their own worst critics.
But I'm still trying to figure out why it seems most people have a voice in their head that basically tries to "downsize" everything they do. You never live up to your childhood expectation. Funny though, the only time that seems to matter to anyone else besides you, is when you go to the class reunion and everyone is playing the game of one up-man-ship. "Really? You're a doctor eh? Well, I'm God. Like the world I made?" And everyone takes great delight in remembering those who have done "worse" than they have done.
(I really do want to go to my next High School reunion and say, "I'm a part time waitress, part time amature writer, and I have no kids.. no one is lower than me, so everyone can feel really good about yourselves" Just because I can imagine the joy it would bring to their lives. Then they'd all feel free to get riproaring drunk and me, who can't/won't drink would remember all the embarassing shit they did and do a website about it later.... ahhh, dreams are good...)
I digress.. I did have a point to make... (The cold medication is kicking in...) Oh yes... someone once told me, "The only thing you have to do is die someday." When you think about it, that's true. There may be concequences to various actions you take, but really, the only thing you absolutely must do is someday die, and that's not even something you'll have to work at, it will happen. Anything from there on out is optional.
No matter how bad you think the situation is, no matter how hopeless it may seem to you, there is a way out. It may not be plesant, it may even get downright nasty, but there is a way out. Unless you're literally in jail, any situation made you can walk away from.
It comes down to deciding are the concequences worth the actions. In situations where I've been trying to figure out where I'm going with something, I first ask myself, "Will it kill me physically to stay where I am now?" If the answer is yes, then the choice is clear.. leave. If not, then you move onto question two... which gets trickier "Will it kill me spiritually if I stay?"
If the answer to question two is yes, you owe it to yourself and others to get out of the situation. Because someone who's soul and spirit is dead, is doing no good to anyone.
If I could only break free, achieve escape velocity so to speak, I know that there could be amazing things beyond the horizon. But how do you get there from here?
You know the answer to those questions. You really do. What you aren't sure of is if what waits for you on the other side is worth it. You know better than anyone else what the reactions will be if you do it. Will those be outweighed by how you'll feel for finally leaving a situation you're miserable with?
My answer to this innocent query was at once naive, ambitious, and perhaps (at least I would like to think so) profound; I said.. "Change the world" and I said it immediately, almost as a reflex, I didn't even take a moment to think. I still feel this way, and still believe it to be possible.
That's a loaded statement... you can still change the world. But, when you're finished, will the world be a better place than before?
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