In every death and every joy
Marian passed away on March 11th, and I was there with her. Mom and I were holding her and singing hymns, and then more people joined us, and more still, until we had 7 people there singing. She seemed at peace, and it was the first time I've been there with a person in the moment of death. I mean, not really "there" in the sense that at that moment, no one can really be "with" you. But whatever comfort can be derived from having people physically present, we were there for that.
The funeral was the 14th, and Yang Xi came and played music at the funeral. He drove up from N. Carolina. I found it was the most meaningful Bach I have ever heard. At the end of the funeral, we all sang "The Lord Bless You and Keep You" with all the parts. Linda (Marian's daughter) and I were the only ones singing the 1st soprano part. I'm certain there aren't many funerals where the whole family can just spontaneously decide to go ahead and sing that at the end. I felt surrounded with beautiful family, and friends, and it lasted for almost a whole week, having guests at our home and sharing memories of Marian and her life and our experiences....
Then around March 27th? hospice contacted us again, this time for Grandma Anna. I went with my parents to visit her April 5th, and Mom and I played harp and violin music for her. She seemed attentive and appeared to hear and experience the music. She appeared to be in pain when we first arrived, so we had them go ahead and start the liquid Morphine.
She continued to decline over the following week, and Dad stayed with her for a few days last week. He kissed her goodnight on April 11th, and 2 minutes after he left, they called and said she had gone to heaven.
Today, the 15th is her birthday, which happens to be Orthodox Easter. She was Orthodox as a child, before going to the orphanage, and also, I'm pretty certain her favorite holiday has always been Easter. Every year she and Grandpa Seth would come to stay overnight and we'd have a huge Easter celebration with my cousins.
I'm here in Warsaw/ Winona Lake tonight, and tomorrow morning will be her funeral. I'm having a lot of memories of holidays and visiting Grandma, and also memories of being in Winona Lake during the summers with my friends, visiting both Aunt Marian and Grandma Anna. And now they have both gone on together. Maybe this is my last visit to Winona Lake. I hope it is not, but I feel a strong nostalgia and sadness about it. What a charming place, and what poignant memories - performing at the coffee shop with Vanessa, spending long hours at the park by the lake writing in our journals, coming to see her give recitals, running down to the railroad tracks to play in the field behind Grandma's house with Desiree, eating persimmons off Grandma's tree before they were ripe (and learning bitter lessons, haha). I know I will have many more memories of Grandma when I see the people tomorrow and photos others have provided (we lost most in the fire).
Yesterday was my cousin Christopher's wedding. He and Sarah were married on a ship. It was beautiful, and Grammy (Mom's mom) was there. We talked about Winona Lake and about Marian and Vera, etc. And it was such a close and comforting time with family as well as a joyful time. Perfect and beautiful weather, no insects, no rain, not too hot or cold. Just a life-giving oasis of peaceful drifting down a river in the midst of this time between funerals, with people who know about Marian and also about Grandma Anna. I felt nourished and so glad to have three of the greatest treasures of life - love and family and some measure of a growing faith. I hope I will be able to have these three treasures always and to be surrounded by them when I encounter every future pain/ illness/ death. But also when I encounter every delight/ every wedding/ every joy! Just always.
The funeral was the 14th, and Yang Xi came and played music at the funeral. He drove up from N. Carolina. I found it was the most meaningful Bach I have ever heard. At the end of the funeral, we all sang "The Lord Bless You and Keep You" with all the parts. Linda (Marian's daughter) and I were the only ones singing the 1st soprano part. I'm certain there aren't many funerals where the whole family can just spontaneously decide to go ahead and sing that at the end. I felt surrounded with beautiful family, and friends, and it lasted for almost a whole week, having guests at our home and sharing memories of Marian and her life and our experiences....
Then around March 27th? hospice contacted us again, this time for Grandma Anna. I went with my parents to visit her April 5th, and Mom and I played harp and violin music for her. She seemed attentive and appeared to hear and experience the music. She appeared to be in pain when we first arrived, so we had them go ahead and start the liquid Morphine.
She continued to decline over the following week, and Dad stayed with her for a few days last week. He kissed her goodnight on April 11th, and 2 minutes after he left, they called and said she had gone to heaven.
Today, the 15th is her birthday, which happens to be Orthodox Easter. She was Orthodox as a child, before going to the orphanage, and also, I'm pretty certain her favorite holiday has always been Easter. Every year she and Grandpa Seth would come to stay overnight and we'd have a huge Easter celebration with my cousins.
I'm here in Warsaw/ Winona Lake tonight, and tomorrow morning will be her funeral. I'm having a lot of memories of holidays and visiting Grandma, and also memories of being in Winona Lake during the summers with my friends, visiting both Aunt Marian and Grandma Anna. And now they have both gone on together. Maybe this is my last visit to Winona Lake. I hope it is not, but I feel a strong nostalgia and sadness about it. What a charming place, and what poignant memories - performing at the coffee shop with Vanessa, spending long hours at the park by the lake writing in our journals, coming to see her give recitals, running down to the railroad tracks to play in the field behind Grandma's house with Desiree, eating persimmons off Grandma's tree before they were ripe (and learning bitter lessons, haha). I know I will have many more memories of Grandma when I see the people tomorrow and photos others have provided (we lost most in the fire).
Yesterday was my cousin Christopher's wedding. He and Sarah were married on a ship. It was beautiful, and Grammy (Mom's mom) was there. We talked about Winona Lake and about Marian and Vera, etc. And it was such a close and comforting time with family as well as a joyful time. Perfect and beautiful weather, no insects, no rain, not too hot or cold. Just a life-giving oasis of peaceful drifting down a river in the midst of this time between funerals, with people who know about Marian and also about Grandma Anna. I felt nourished and so glad to have three of the greatest treasures of life - love and family and some measure of a growing faith. I hope I will be able to have these three treasures always and to be surrounded by them when I encounter every future pain/ illness/ death. But also when I encounter every delight/ every wedding/ every joy! Just always.