(no subject)
I need more time.
Too bad.
I'm having erotic dreams about omelettes and Twilight lately. But not at the same time. You sick fuck.
And by 'Twilight' I mean the movie. Cuz my infatuation with the books wasn't shameful enough I now need an intervention from the film.
Tim Hortons needs to stop fucking mocking me because I cannot win a free cup of coffee to save my life but I've won 3 donuts in a row. Haha Universe. Give the chick on a diet an endless stream of free donuts.
Douchebag.
I have a date with my husband tomorrow. Which is kind of nice since I sort of forget what he looks like.
Shiftwork sucks.
Fortunately I have a plan! MITMIP. Marriage Improvement Through Mutual Intoxication Program. We start tomorrow at Pravda Vodka House for Happy Hour. Cuz what in the world could be better than vodka unless it's vodka with Fratboy in an entire bar devoted to vodka?!
Brill.
I also have a lunch date tomorrow. I am way excited. And apparently incredibly busy and popular. But you knew that already. I just fucking love it when deserving people finally get their happy ending.
I am surrounded by Happy lately. It is very cool. Weird, but cool.
Gawd, I just want to go home and eat fat baby cheeks.
Fortunately I can do exactly that very soon.
I just fell sleep sitting straight up typing that.
True story.
Now I can't remember where I was going with this.
To bed?
Good thinking.
Walk away from the cheesey teenage vampire love story movie and get some sleep.
Dumbass.
You're not seriously still reading this crap are you?
Dumbass.
Ha.
I slay me.
No seriously, you can stop reading and start scrolling anytime now.
Cuz it's not going to get any better.
It may get worse.
What are you, some kind of sucker for punishment?
Duh.
You're HERE aren't you?
Are you?
I need to lie down.
Too bad.
I'm having erotic dreams about omelettes and Twilight lately. But not at the same time. You sick fuck.
And by 'Twilight' I mean the movie. Cuz my infatuation with the books wasn't shameful enough I now need an intervention from the film.
Tim Hortons needs to stop fucking mocking me because I cannot win a free cup of coffee to save my life but I've won 3 donuts in a row. Haha Universe. Give the chick on a diet an endless stream of free donuts.
Douchebag.
I have a date with my husband tomorrow. Which is kind of nice since I sort of forget what he looks like.
Shiftwork sucks.
Fortunately I have a plan! MITMIP. Marriage Improvement Through Mutual Intoxication Program. We start tomorrow at Pravda Vodka House for Happy Hour. Cuz what in the world could be better than vodka unless it's vodka with Fratboy in an entire bar devoted to vodka?!
Brill.
I also have a lunch date tomorrow. I am way excited. And apparently incredibly busy and popular. But you knew that already. I just fucking love it when deserving people finally get their happy ending.
I am surrounded by Happy lately. It is very cool. Weird, but cool.
Gawd, I just want to go home and eat fat baby cheeks.
Fortunately I can do exactly that very soon.
I just fell sleep sitting straight up typing that.
True story.
Now I can't remember where I was going with this.
To bed?
Good thinking.
Walk away from the cheesey teenage vampire love story movie and get some sleep.
Dumbass.
You're not seriously still reading this crap are you?
Dumbass.
Ha.
I slay me.
No seriously, you can stop reading and start scrolling anytime now.
Cuz it's not going to get any better.
It may get worse.
What are you, some kind of sucker for punishment?
Duh.
You're HERE aren't you?
Are you?
I need to lie down.