(no subject)
I have eaten all of the vegetables in the world over the past 2 days. All of them. So if you were looking for a rogue leaf of lettuce for your burger or tomato or something, sorry about that. If I don't shit out an intact head of broccoli, seriously whole, I will be most surprised.
If I do there is imminent rectal surgery in my future. Let's cross that poobridge when we get to it shall we?
Apparently I seriously need to NOT start drinking before I leave for Dance Cave. This was a most grievous deviation from our usual Monday night routine and it resulted in my forgetting my cell phone so I couldn't end the night with my traditional dr0nk textathons. It resulted in an unusual increase in JAZZ HANDS!! It resulted in me leaving without even saying goodbye because my brain and tummy had latched on to FOOD and so my legs and vagina followed helplessly. There may be some wickedly cute photographic evidence of all that but it is not here with me as usual. I could draw you an artistic rendering but frankly I'm beginning to suspect you pleebs do not truly recognize and appreciate the true genius of my ARTE. Or. You know. I could just be too hungover and tired to bother.
Today. Today I am grateful to be hungover. My head is full of foolish noise that just doesn't even matter and sounds really douchebaggie when I try to say it out loud or write it down. So instead I am grateful to be hungover. I am grateful for Dance Cave and Cave Girls and Dance Wednesdays and edible babies and happy vaginas and people who get me. Fuck you brain and fuck you hormones, there is so much good in my life and I won't let you diminish that. You just go wherever douchebaggie thoughts go to die. There is a party in my pants and only positivity is invited. Or something...
If I do there is imminent rectal surgery in my future. Let's cross that poobridge when we get to it shall we?
Apparently I seriously need to NOT start drinking before I leave for Dance Cave. This was a most grievous deviation from our usual Monday night routine and it resulted in my forgetting my cell phone so I couldn't end the night with my traditional dr0nk textathons. It resulted in an unusual increase in JAZZ HANDS!! It resulted in me leaving without even saying goodbye because my brain and tummy had latched on to FOOD and so my legs and vagina followed helplessly. There may be some wickedly cute photographic evidence of all that but it is not here with me as usual. I could draw you an artistic rendering but frankly I'm beginning to suspect you pleebs do not truly recognize and appreciate the true genius of my ARTE. Or. You know. I could just be too hungover and tired to bother.
Today. Today I am grateful to be hungover. My head is full of foolish noise that just doesn't even matter and sounds really douchebaggie when I try to say it out loud or write it down. So instead I am grateful to be hungover. I am grateful for Dance Cave and Cave Girls and Dance Wednesdays and edible babies and happy vaginas and people who get me. Fuck you brain and fuck you hormones, there is so much good in my life and I won't let you diminish that. You just go wherever douchebaggie thoughts go to die. There is a party in my pants and only positivity is invited. Or something...