A Shower Monologue
(With apologies to emotimer for swiping her journal title, but these were my thoughts from this morning's shower.)
Among a number of my friends and acquaintances it seems trendy to declare "I don't know own anyone else's crap." In a way, I can understand where they are coming from in terms of taking responsibility for their own actions and recognizing that they cannot do so for anyone else. Still, the statement (and its variants) always rub me the wrong way. [I've mentioned it at least twice before: http://eliskimo.livejournal.com/66798.html, http://eliskimo.livejournal.com/112759.html ]
Last night at the All Candidates meetings we were asked what personality trait of ours would best serve us as Baron or Baroness. That is always a difficult question kind of question to answer, but I offered that one of my mottos is "Do Justice, Love Kindness, and Walk Humbly," which is what I myself would like to see in a Baron/ess (whoever it should turn out to be).
It struck me this morning (in the shower) that the two are related. Not "owning" anyone else's problem is contrary to the spirit of the motto (adapted from Micah 6:8) that I have chosen for myself. It may be "just," but it is neither kind nor humble. It's not humble because it declares "I am more important that you." It's contrary to the old quote, "He ain't heavy; he's my brother."
I know, not owning someone else issues/problems/what-have-you frees one to focus energy elsewhere - and that may be very needful. However, in practice, my experience with this philosophy has been isolating. I once went to someone who I thought might be able to help me sort through and puzzle out a problem only to be met with the "I don't know own anyone else's crap" line (in slightly different wording) and the stern admonition to deal with it myself. That hurt. A lot. I never want to do that to someone else. Yes, ultimately I needed to deal with the situation myself, but a listening ear and few words of advice or dose of perspective would not have hurt.
I know, there are times when "tough love" is necessary, but I believe it takes wisdom and discernment to understand when those times are, and not to just assume that is always the appropriate course of action. Last week in Calontir I learned the phrase "Cherish the Goob" (because we were all once goobs). I like that attitude a lot; I think it meshes nicely with both Micah and with Romans 12:18: "as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."
Among a number of my friends and acquaintances it seems trendy to declare "I don't know own anyone else's crap." In a way, I can understand where they are coming from in terms of taking responsibility for their own actions and recognizing that they cannot do so for anyone else. Still, the statement (and its variants) always rub me the wrong way. [I've mentioned it at least twice before: http://eliskimo.livejournal.com/66798.html, http://eliskimo.livejournal.com/112759.html ]
Last night at the All Candidates meetings we were asked what personality trait of ours would best serve us as Baron or Baroness. That is always a difficult question kind of question to answer, but I offered that one of my mottos is "Do Justice, Love Kindness, and Walk Humbly," which is what I myself would like to see in a Baron/ess (whoever it should turn out to be).
It struck me this morning (in the shower) that the two are related. Not "owning" anyone else's problem is contrary to the spirit of the motto (adapted from Micah 6:8) that I have chosen for myself. It may be "just," but it is neither kind nor humble. It's not humble because it declares "I am more important that you." It's contrary to the old quote, "He ain't heavy; he's my brother."
I know, not owning someone else issues/problems/what-have-you frees one to focus energy elsewhere - and that may be very needful. However, in practice, my experience with this philosophy has been isolating. I once went to someone who I thought might be able to help me sort through and puzzle out a problem only to be met with the "I don't know own anyone else's crap" line (in slightly different wording) and the stern admonition to deal with it myself. That hurt. A lot. I never want to do that to someone else. Yes, ultimately I needed to deal with the situation myself, but a listening ear and few words of advice or dose of perspective would not have hurt.
I know, there are times when "tough love" is necessary, but I believe it takes wisdom and discernment to understand when those times are, and not to just assume that is always the appropriate course of action. Last week in Calontir I learned the phrase "Cherish the Goob" (because we were all once goobs). I like that attitude a lot; I think it meshes nicely with both Micah and with Romans 12:18: "as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."