shit pours rain. fuck.
mom had an MS attack. Let me explain that one to y'all. People with MS, generally, when they go through a period of high stress (or pollution, or age or some catalyst) have an MS attack. It's basically a panic attack (in some cases) that bring their health down. Once an MS patient gets an attack, their health drops and where it drops to then becomes their normal. that is why it is a degenerative disease and has no cure. Mom is so upset with my sister's conversion that she had a panic attack and now she's worse. Memory, her hands are shaking, she cant put away things, she's having trouble cooking, she's tired all the time. She apparently (thanks dad for the info.) was shaking and sobbing a few nights back.
My sister then called today because my father backed out of going to her conversion ceremony. Apparently, im the only one who isn't a nazi and wants to support my sister in converting to judaism. I'll be the ONLY member of my family attending the ceremony. There are five of us. Only one of us is going. that is nauseatingly pathetic.
So... I've been a bit upset. I went to beer with tara and we chatted. it was fun. Bumped into meli and ryan at Tom's restaurant, and they pretended to not see me until I waved at them and smiled. They waved back, tight lipped and arms stiff. They were like toy soldiers.
I'm so frustrated.
I'm kinda numb. I mean... I dont feel sad, or upset or happy or anything. I just feel like things happen and i tell other people. I feel like a conduit. I just am saying meaningless words trying to describe my situation. I don't feel it at all.
I know its hard to deal with all of this. People tell me all the time how difficult it is. I just... im constantly fighting that wanting to disappear feeling.
and, geeky level... my forum is being ridiculously homophobic and its pissing me off.
ok enough idiocy. I'll get over it as always,
night.
My sister then called today because my father backed out of going to her conversion ceremony. Apparently, im the only one who isn't a nazi and wants to support my sister in converting to judaism. I'll be the ONLY member of my family attending the ceremony. There are five of us. Only one of us is going. that is nauseatingly pathetic.
So... I've been a bit upset. I went to beer with tara and we chatted. it was fun. Bumped into meli and ryan at Tom's restaurant, and they pretended to not see me until I waved at them and smiled. They waved back, tight lipped and arms stiff. They were like toy soldiers.
I'm so frustrated.
I'm kinda numb. I mean... I dont feel sad, or upset or happy or anything. I just feel like things happen and i tell other people. I feel like a conduit. I just am saying meaningless words trying to describe my situation. I don't feel it at all.
I know its hard to deal with all of this. People tell me all the time how difficult it is. I just... im constantly fighting that wanting to disappear feeling.
and, geeky level... my forum is being ridiculously homophobic and its pissing me off.
ok enough idiocy. I'll get over it as always,
night.