That's all rather odd...
So I received a card from a women I never even met which began with the words:
"It's a good thing you exist!"
Well yeah, I always thought so too (except when I was so ill I wished I was dead - death seemed preferable. Mind you, never having been dead before (to my knowledge), I wouldn't know what it's like of course, but I am sure it's quite sweet and black and fluffy).
How did I earn this strange honour, I hear you ask (if you can be bothered to read this!)?
Said strange women "wrote" a book. When I say "wrote", I really mean didn't! This book consists of... wait for it! ... 222 empty, numbered pages! Yes, really!
Bit pants, innit?
Ok, so my aunt's friend for some reason ended up having to write a book review on it (the concept hurts the brain), because mad women is her son's to be mother in law or something like that. So also obviously she couldn't be honest about how shit she felt it was.
Strangely enough, the book was not a bestseller. Far from it, nobody seemed to want to buy it. Why? An empty book for "only" €17.50 seems like such a bargain *cough*. Who would have thought it? Weird women was very upset that she was not shifting copies by the truckload, so poor women was forced to write a review, in the hope that a nice review would convince people, that no, they really did need an empty book in their life (the pages are numbered after all - oh the effort!).
The women who wrote the review did an amazing job I have to say. The review itself, focusing on emptiness with a nice quote and the spirituality of reflection and using it as a space for dumping unwanted burdens, was better than the book itself, as I pointed out to her, which made her laugh.
My review would have been:
"I especially liked page 111."
And that is all. Fight fire with fire I say!
But anyhow, so this review for some reason needed to be in German and another in English. This is where I came in obviously, as the esteemed proof-reader.
I made quite a lot of changes, got a chocolate Easter bunny out of it. It was only a page and a half, so fair deal I figured.
I was heaped with praise as to how good my English is. "Well, yeah, I did live there for 14 years!", was my reply. Not really that amazing, is it? It happens. No really. I know shit loads of bilingual people. I even know people who speak more languages. I don't object to people telling me how clever, pretty or nice I am, go ahead if you must, but this lot really took it too far. I am really not a genius because my English is good. I was only 9 when I was abducted and brought to the UK and forced to learn English (because it's a bit pants when you can't even speak to kids your age on your street who you are supposed to be playing with), so it's not really surprising. I am told I must still have a talent for it, if I can proof-read and make changes to an article and thus improve it. I think it's more that I just like doing it and generally when I make an effort with something that I enjoy doing, it turns out nice. But really, these two made me blush!!
And a blank book is still a really dumb idea. Yeah, so it has a nice picture on the front and back cover, but come on! I am sure that the spiritual or philosophical population of the world does not need a blank book to reflect emptiness. If they do, they can buy a scrap book for a lot less than the price of the book. I am not a spiritual person, it is just not me, but I am still convinced that people like the Dalai Lama never needed something like a blank book to get them going! Poor Dalai Lama by the way, China (well, some of them, not all of them obviously) really are taking the piss these days.
Luckily strange women did not include a return address, because I am lost for words. Especially nice ones. And she hopes to meet me on day. I think I would just piss myself laughing if I met her face to face (might be a good idea to leave it for a day when I need a good laugh!). Mind you, maybe she wants me to do some more proof-reading work, no harm there, just don't expect me to be impressed with her work. Finding out where she lives should not be a problem, but what to say? If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all, as they say...
It even exists in English! German version.
My dad's comment was: "You should do one with black pages!"
True. One should!
His other comment was: "These people think they are so shocking and out there, and they really aren't."
Sums it up nicely...
"It's a good thing you exist!"
Well yeah, I always thought so too (except when I was so ill I wished I was dead - death seemed preferable. Mind you, never having been dead before (to my knowledge), I wouldn't know what it's like of course, but I am sure it's quite sweet and black and fluffy).
How did I earn this strange honour, I hear you ask (if you can be bothered to read this!)?
Said strange women "wrote" a book. When I say "wrote", I really mean didn't! This book consists of... wait for it! ... 222 empty, numbered pages! Yes, really!
Bit pants, innit?
Ok, so my aunt's friend for some reason ended up having to write a book review on it (the concept hurts the brain), because mad women is her son's to be mother in law or something like that. So also obviously she couldn't be honest about how shit she felt it was.
Strangely enough, the book was not a bestseller. Far from it, nobody seemed to want to buy it. Why? An empty book for "only" €17.50 seems like such a bargain *cough*. Who would have thought it? Weird women was very upset that she was not shifting copies by the truckload, so poor women was forced to write a review, in the hope that a nice review would convince people, that no, they really did need an empty book in their life (the pages are numbered after all - oh the effort!).
The women who wrote the review did an amazing job I have to say. The review itself, focusing on emptiness with a nice quote and the spirituality of reflection and using it as a space for dumping unwanted burdens, was better than the book itself, as I pointed out to her, which made her laugh.
My review would have been:
"I especially liked page 111."
And that is all. Fight fire with fire I say!
But anyhow, so this review for some reason needed to be in German and another in English. This is where I came in obviously, as the esteemed proof-reader.
I made quite a lot of changes, got a chocolate Easter bunny out of it. It was only a page and a half, so fair deal I figured.
I was heaped with praise as to how good my English is. "Well, yeah, I did live there for 14 years!", was my reply. Not really that amazing, is it? It happens. No really. I know shit loads of bilingual people. I even know people who speak more languages. I don't object to people telling me how clever, pretty or nice I am, go ahead if you must, but this lot really took it too far. I am really not a genius because my English is good. I was only 9 when I was abducted and brought to the UK and forced to learn English (because it's a bit pants when you can't even speak to kids your age on your street who you are supposed to be playing with), so it's not really surprising. I am told I must still have a talent for it, if I can proof-read and make changes to an article and thus improve it. I think it's more that I just like doing it and generally when I make an effort with something that I enjoy doing, it turns out nice. But really, these two made me blush!!
And a blank book is still a really dumb idea. Yeah, so it has a nice picture on the front and back cover, but come on! I am sure that the spiritual or philosophical population of the world does not need a blank book to reflect emptiness. If they do, they can buy a scrap book for a lot less than the price of the book. I am not a spiritual person, it is just not me, but I am still convinced that people like the Dalai Lama never needed something like a blank book to get them going! Poor Dalai Lama by the way, China (well, some of them, not all of them obviously) really are taking the piss these days.
Luckily strange women did not include a return address, because I am lost for words. Especially nice ones. And she hopes to meet me on day. I think I would just piss myself laughing if I met her face to face (might be a good idea to leave it for a day when I need a good laugh!). Mind you, maybe she wants me to do some more proof-reading work, no harm there, just don't expect me to be impressed with her work. Finding out where she lives should not be a problem, but what to say? If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all, as they say...
It even exists in English! German version.
My dad's comment was: "You should do one with black pages!"
True. One should!
His other comment was: "These people think they are so shocking and out there, and they really aren't."
Sums it up nicely...