(no subject)
Maybe the reason someone's stuck in your head is because they're meant to be there in the first place. (thank you anne)
god dammit. i don't know where to go from here.
i sit here and i take it, because i don't have any power to stop what i know is wrong, and meanwhile i am considered demonic, because they speak of me as though it was all my fault. as if she didn't return it. as if teh second time didn't happen. as if the emotions were only there on my side, and not surging through teh other one. like my actions are far worse because i had the balls to do it first. why is taht? how can someone do that to you? how can someone speak of love and hatred and then just dissolve it all without even thinking?
and now what? do i go back to before? i can't. it just isn't possible. there are too many factors messing with my head for that to happen. its not like we didn't know what we were doing. and now i know what teh consequences are, but you know what? i would have done it again. and again. and again. but teh worst part is that it doesn't matter. i can sit here all day saying what i would do... but ... ah! it wouldn't matter.
teh part taht really pisses me off, is taht she wanted to go. (youwannago?) you could see it in her eyes. even when the other one came back and we were surrounded by people, it was like she just wanted to get out of there. what a slap in the face.
ah... and what exactly do i do about her here. i don't have an excuse, i knew what i was doing. and i knew what would open after i did it but i am still left with teh fact taht i have two lives. one here and one there.its not a bad thing, because we were never together here, but i can sense what she wants, and i don't know how to get there with this problem looming over my head. the only known thing with her is this summer. (not gonna happen)
and then tehre's my classes. oh god. i just need something to be normal for once this year. even the summer's gonna be weird. and what the hell am i gonna do with her this summer? we'll be around each other. its not like we won't see each other. and then when teh next school year comes around? o shit. together? away? turkey-drop? come-on, somebody, somewhere give me a sign.
26 days. its possible right? everything always works out in the end.
LIFE IS GOOD>
oh so pickup today. excellent, i had these two phenomenal catches where i basically slid halfway down teh field to catch the disappearing disc. oh am i gonna be sore. but its the good kind of sore. its the kind that you feel good about later. the team is going to nationals, so they are gonna pick up the practices, so most of us aren't going to practice this week >vehro wants it to be only people going, which sucks. because i work my ass off at practice, but whatever, i'll just go to teh gym for those two hours and work it.
also, my nerves are shot. i don't mean my nerves as in my stress level is high, i mean that my left arm has not stopped shaking for the past three days. i don't really know what to do.
its like this weekend just shot me out of a cannon to face the bubble and i came back squished and confused and distraught. and ya know what it doesn't matter. it'll get there in teh end.
peace&LOVE&happiness&damienmarley(mygodsend)&ultimate&layouts&her&her&paints&rain&wind&mybluediscspinningthroughtheair
god dammit. i don't know where to go from here.
i sit here and i take it, because i don't have any power to stop what i know is wrong, and meanwhile i am considered demonic, because they speak of me as though it was all my fault. as if she didn't return it. as if teh second time didn't happen. as if the emotions were only there on my side, and not surging through teh other one. like my actions are far worse because i had the balls to do it first. why is taht? how can someone do that to you? how can someone speak of love and hatred and then just dissolve it all without even thinking?
and now what? do i go back to before? i can't. it just isn't possible. there are too many factors messing with my head for that to happen. its not like we didn't know what we were doing. and now i know what teh consequences are, but you know what? i would have done it again. and again. and again. but teh worst part is that it doesn't matter. i can sit here all day saying what i would do... but ... ah! it wouldn't matter.
teh part taht really pisses me off, is taht she wanted to go. (youwannago?) you could see it in her eyes. even when the other one came back and we were surrounded by people, it was like she just wanted to get out of there. what a slap in the face.
ah... and what exactly do i do about her here. i don't have an excuse, i knew what i was doing. and i knew what would open after i did it but i am still left with teh fact taht i have two lives. one here and one there.its not a bad thing, because we were never together here, but i can sense what she wants, and i don't know how to get there with this problem looming over my head. the only known thing with her is this summer. (not gonna happen)
and then tehre's my classes. oh god. i just need something to be normal for once this year. even the summer's gonna be weird. and what the hell am i gonna do with her this summer? we'll be around each other. its not like we won't see each other. and then when teh next school year comes around? o shit. together? away? turkey-drop? come-on, somebody, somewhere give me a sign.
26 days. its possible right? everything always works out in the end.
LIFE IS GOOD>
oh so pickup today. excellent, i had these two phenomenal catches where i basically slid halfway down teh field to catch the disappearing disc. oh am i gonna be sore. but its the good kind of sore. its the kind that you feel good about later. the team is going to nationals, so they are gonna pick up the practices, so most of us aren't going to practice this week >vehro wants it to be only people going, which sucks. because i work my ass off at practice, but whatever, i'll just go to teh gym for those two hours and work it.
also, my nerves are shot. i don't mean my nerves as in my stress level is high, i mean that my left arm has not stopped shaking for the past three days. i don't really know what to do.
its like this weekend just shot me out of a cannon to face the bubble and i came back squished and confused and distraught. and ya know what it doesn't matter. it'll get there in teh end.
peace&LOVE&happiness&damienmarley(mygodsend)&ultimate&layouts&her&her&paints&rain&wind&mybluediscspinningthroughtheair