when you see the face of god, you will die

[elided]

i was sleeping in class
with my head against my
hands. i was surprised
at my own unfamiliarity
when i saw a mirror.
i was scribbling words
on my arms,
when pagan poetry was the
only thing keeping me going.
i miss you more each day,
your hair and the way it
smells.
i was looking for a way
to make amends, put a
close to it.
i had dirt under my
finger nails this morn-
ing. i wondered where
it was from.
today is my mom's
birthday, which i
forgot. feel bad for.
i gave her paper
with paint and
glitter and in
markers it says
everything obvious
about our lives.