Life and Blah.
WARNING-Real feelings and stuff you may not want to know about follows…
I am very disappointed in myself right now. I haven’t been writing as much as I would like and the apartment is still a disaster area. I am eating better, but it isn’t really enough. I feel like I am letting myself down.
I am exhausted all the time and feel like I could sleep for days. I know what that means. I am in a downward swing in my mood. I need to fight it. I need to work on my apartment even though I don’t feel like it. I need to go do things with friends even though I don’t want to and feel like they don’t give a crap.
Just because I know these things, doesn’t make doing them any easier. I missed my appointment with my individual therapist because I forgot the appointment completely. *sighs* This is typical for me. Now I cannot afford the appointment and I don’t want to call back and admit that. I also don’t want to call back and admit that I am stupid enough to forget the initial appointment to begin with. I am sure the therapist is used to all of these things, but I hate having to show her that I am just like her other patients. I hate being a patient!
I have an AVON party coming up this week and not caring about anything is making the prep-work very difficult. I have to prepare during my short spurts of hypomania. I guess that is the one good thing about being a rapid-cycler. Even though my general mood is low, I still have spurts of energy and productivity. During those times, I try to get the stuff I need to get done, but it is still hard.
And now my vision is starting to clear up and I am starting an upswing. I will finish this up and see if I can get anything accomplished tonight.
eli.