(no subject)
it really sucks when you were looking forward to an awesome night, especially when you go to happy hour and one of the best coverbands is playing. im convinced that the singer of big shot, i think his name is mike, has some far decent to billy joel b/c he sounds and looks like him way too much, but back to my failed expectations..... allie and i were having an awesome time. we even ran into the guy that hit on the other nicole for many hours the night everyone danced with the old guy. and even the old guy showed up, make it that much funnier. then the boys, james and james, showed up and somehow shit turned ugly. it probably didnt help that it was almost 11 and i had been drinking since 7, so i was pretty drunk. james #1 said something innocent about my parents and i lost it. this was the first time since wednesday night when i learned that my parents are definitely getting a divorce, that i actually wasnt thinking about it, which means i wasnt miserable. instead of just ignoring him, i FLIPPED out, i was angry that he brought that up in the bar. yes i had asked him to talk about it the night before but he was busy with work and he couldnt, so whatever. but why the fuck bring it up when im drunk in the middle of the bar and you know you cant talk to me about it anyways?!?!?! he said he meant nothing by it, but hes my friend and you wouldnt expect your friend ot say something like that when they should have know that it would upset it. so i walked away and for some strange reason he walked up to me less than 5 minutes later and i smacked in the face. and then he spit in my face, but i spit back. it was an all together horrible 30 seconds to be confronted with him. so he sent me a couple of nasty text messages, and then me, allie, and boostin went to mr. beerys b/c she needed to meet up with max...
at this point i was just miserable about everything. my parents and now the fight with james. i was absolutely stupid for doing what i did, but obviously couldnt have changed what i did. and if that wasnt bad enough, allie dropped us off at my apt and i had to drive boostin back to his car at mulcs at which point he yelled (for lack of a better word, b/c it was just louder than normal and in some serious manner) at me about what i did and made me see it from james point of view. He told me that he only said it b/c he was my friend and then he wanted to see if i was ok about the situation, and then i completley over reacted. and he was right. then he made a comment b/c i left him alone with max and a bunch of strangers and that wasnt fair of me either. which was also right.
so the night ended with both james never wanting to speak to me, and boostin... im not sure. ill have to find out later when he is awake and sober. both had a right to be mad b/c as always i didnt think through my actions and i didnt take the other persons point of view into consideration. if i dont stop doing that im going to get myself completely screwed in life. which will just suck all together. and as much as i should blame the alcohol i know it is not completley b/c of that, b/c i am always selfish and never see the otherside of the situation until it is too late....
one last comment for the day is.... i know that my parents divorce is not my fault, and i know that it is for the better for both of them, but please if one more person says dont be upset i think i might just scream. i need time to get out all of the bad feelings and yes be a little selfish about the situation until i can see the big picture and accept the situation as positive and be ok with it. so please people give me time to handle it and be angry, i cant just be happy no matter what the situation, my family life is changing for good and its not something easy to accept
at this point i was just miserable about everything. my parents and now the fight with james. i was absolutely stupid for doing what i did, but obviously couldnt have changed what i did. and if that wasnt bad enough, allie dropped us off at my apt and i had to drive boostin back to his car at mulcs at which point he yelled (for lack of a better word, b/c it was just louder than normal and in some serious manner) at me about what i did and made me see it from james point of view. He told me that he only said it b/c he was my friend and then he wanted to see if i was ok about the situation, and then i completley over reacted. and he was right. then he made a comment b/c i left him alone with max and a bunch of strangers and that wasnt fair of me either. which was also right.
so the night ended with both james never wanting to speak to me, and boostin... im not sure. ill have to find out later when he is awake and sober. both had a right to be mad b/c as always i didnt think through my actions and i didnt take the other persons point of view into consideration. if i dont stop doing that im going to get myself completely screwed in life. which will just suck all together. and as much as i should blame the alcohol i know it is not completley b/c of that, b/c i am always selfish and never see the otherside of the situation until it is too late....
one last comment for the day is.... i know that my parents divorce is not my fault, and i know that it is for the better for both of them, but please if one more person says dont be upset i think i might just scream. i need time to get out all of the bad feelings and yes be a little selfish about the situation until i can see the big picture and accept the situation as positive and be ok with it. so please people give me time to handle it and be angry, i cant just be happy no matter what the situation, my family life is changing for good and its not something easy to accept