(no subject)
i need a promise from whoever reads that i dont want any sympathy comments, in fact i dont want any comments, i just need to write this because i have no one to talk to right now and if i think about it too much i only get upset again, so i want to write about it and then try to NEVER talk about it again... i might have already talked to some of you about this, but this is going to be the end of it
so since i have moved on to a new boy, james#1 has been acting extremely jealous and stupid, and just down right annoying. but for the second in less than week he has outrightly admitted to me that there is one and ONLY one reason we arent dating.. im sure some of you can take a guess at it, but it comes down to the fact that i am not a skinny, hot, attractive girl. yes i know i have attractive features about me, but i know that my body weight is not one of them. and for those of you who know my family, i would be the outcast. my family is all super skinny, so i have dealt with constant critisizm about it, ever since i was little. but on the other hand i dont think that im some hugely obese person either. yes i could afford to lose weight, but would i ever do it because some guy told me he wouldnt date because of that. FUCK NO! and of course that is the right attitude to have, but after pining after james for almost 2 years now, knowing that this is truly the only reason that he wont date me is the most painful thing i could have ever been told. as much of an asshole he can be, he has always been there for me, even when some of my closest friends were busy with their own lives (not that i dont love you all dearly, but he has no other friends, so i can be his only priority haha). i really thought i was ok with all of it, but for some reason when he said it again tonite it really upset me AGAIN. especially since he emphasizes the fact that im just not skinny. i have every other quality he wants in a girl just not the look he wants.
but like i said the more i dwell on it, the worse i feel, so im going to attempt to read for school and distract myself....
so since i have moved on to a new boy, james#1 has been acting extremely jealous and stupid, and just down right annoying. but for the second in less than week he has outrightly admitted to me that there is one and ONLY one reason we arent dating.. im sure some of you can take a guess at it, but it comes down to the fact that i am not a skinny, hot, attractive girl. yes i know i have attractive features about me, but i know that my body weight is not one of them. and for those of you who know my family, i would be the outcast. my family is all super skinny, so i have dealt with constant critisizm about it, ever since i was little. but on the other hand i dont think that im some hugely obese person either. yes i could afford to lose weight, but would i ever do it because some guy told me he wouldnt date because of that. FUCK NO! and of course that is the right attitude to have, but after pining after james for almost 2 years now, knowing that this is truly the only reason that he wont date me is the most painful thing i could have ever been told. as much of an asshole he can be, he has always been there for me, even when some of my closest friends were busy with their own lives (not that i dont love you all dearly, but he has no other friends, so i can be his only priority haha). i really thought i was ok with all of it, but for some reason when he said it again tonite it really upset me AGAIN. especially since he emphasizes the fact that im just not skinny. i have every other quality he wants in a girl just not the look he wants.
but like i said the more i dwell on it, the worse i feel, so im going to attempt to read for school and distract myself....