Grad School - One Year Later
So.
So.
So...
It's been a little over a year since I started grad school, and I can honestly say I'm not sure I changed at all. I still procrastinated. I still pulled all-nighters. I still even managed to get passing grades, although anything below an A in grad school isn't considered all that great. I did get some A's, but I've mainly received B's and my GPA is a slightly above average 3.45. I should have at least a 3.5. It just goes to show what a crappy (read: lazy) person I am. I haven't even been able to do more than think about changing my ways. Although I will admit, I did manage to get my driver's license last year two days before my 25th birthday AND I managed to pass the test on my very first try. This was probably due to the driving instructor's total lack of care (the hardest thing I had to do was back up), but still. This I can say has been one of the biggest accomplishments of my life, which is rather sad if you think about it.
Anywho, despite successfully completing my first year of grad school, relatively speaking, my life, overall, has taken a turn for the worse.
I've never been much of a social person. It's not that I dislike people in general or that I hate talking to others. I like people for the most part and I like talking to people too. My problem lies within the fact that I'm not outgoing and I don't know how to be. I have acquaintances at work, but I've never been able to progress beyond that. I never really made any close friends in college as an undergrad (or even now as a grad student), and I've basically drifted away from almost all of my high school friends. The one remaining close friend I had moved away this past summer. This basically turned into an 'oh crap, I have absolutely no one' kind of situation. I still have my family, but really, at 25, I shouldn't be hanging out with my parents on the weekends (and yes, I do still live with my parents... I really am that pathetic. No full time job = no independence). I honest-to-god don't know what to do. I don't know how to branch out, and I'm afraid I might be stuck at home forever, and I know the majority of this is my fault.
In other news, financially, I am basically in the red. My family is also in the red. We are very, very poor, and it makes me feel extremely guilty that I am leeching off my parents when they (or rather my mother, who is on disability and out of work) can hardly pay the bills each month. I contribute where I can, but I really can't offer much. Even with the new tutoring job I got back in May, I still don't even work basic part-time hours. I just don't understand why i can't land a job with steady hours. Now, with this second job and school, my schedule is totally crazy, and it's hard to consider a third job when my hours of availability are so weird. I could try to look for a night job, but I do need to sleep at some point, and ugh. At least I'm getting a raise at my new-ish job, but it probably won't be much, and I only get paid once a month which SUCKS beyond words. Beyond words. I'm still looking for a full-time job, but the pickin's are slim. I'm thinking about leaving off the pursuit of my Master's degree on my resume... I'm even considering not putting my BA on there as well, but I don't really feel like I should lie about that.
Sigh.
Or maybe I just need to figure out how to handle an interview successfully (because god knows, I've been to hundreds of them) and really pimp/whore myself out. I'm a piece of meat that needs to be sold, no doubt about it. Well, I'm going to apply for a job at my current school, so hopefully that'll help a bit, but who knows.
Ugh, I'm getting over a cold, and can't think anymore, but then, when could I ever think.
/end of emo time
P.S. I'm thinking about just posting random crap here from now on instead of yearly postings about my pathetic-ness.
So.
So...
It's been a little over a year since I started grad school, and I can honestly say I'm not sure I changed at all. I still procrastinated. I still pulled all-nighters. I still even managed to get passing grades, although anything below an A in grad school isn't considered all that great. I did get some A's, but I've mainly received B's and my GPA is a slightly above average 3.45. I should have at least a 3.5. It just goes to show what a crappy (read: lazy) person I am. I haven't even been able to do more than think about changing my ways. Although I will admit, I did manage to get my driver's license last year two days before my 25th birthday AND I managed to pass the test on my very first try. This was probably due to the driving instructor's total lack of care (the hardest thing I had to do was back up), but still. This I can say has been one of the biggest accomplishments of my life, which is rather sad if you think about it.
Anywho, despite successfully completing my first year of grad school, relatively speaking, my life, overall, has taken a turn for the worse.
I've never been much of a social person. It's not that I dislike people in general or that I hate talking to others. I like people for the most part and I like talking to people too. My problem lies within the fact that I'm not outgoing and I don't know how to be. I have acquaintances at work, but I've never been able to progress beyond that. I never really made any close friends in college as an undergrad (or even now as a grad student), and I've basically drifted away from almost all of my high school friends. The one remaining close friend I had moved away this past summer. This basically turned into an 'oh crap, I have absolutely no one' kind of situation. I still have my family, but really, at 25, I shouldn't be hanging out with my parents on the weekends (and yes, I do still live with my parents... I really am that pathetic. No full time job = no independence). I honest-to-god don't know what to do. I don't know how to branch out, and I'm afraid I might be stuck at home forever, and I know the majority of this is my fault.
In other news, financially, I am basically in the red. My family is also in the red. We are very, very poor, and it makes me feel extremely guilty that I am leeching off my parents when they (or rather my mother, who is on disability and out of work) can hardly pay the bills each month. I contribute where I can, but I really can't offer much. Even with the new tutoring job I got back in May, I still don't even work basic part-time hours. I just don't understand why i can't land a job with steady hours. Now, with this second job and school, my schedule is totally crazy, and it's hard to consider a third job when my hours of availability are so weird. I could try to look for a night job, but I do need to sleep at some point, and ugh. At least I'm getting a raise at my new-ish job, but it probably won't be much, and I only get paid once a month which SUCKS beyond words. Beyond words. I'm still looking for a full-time job, but the pickin's are slim. I'm thinking about leaving off the pursuit of my Master's degree on my resume... I'm even considering not putting my BA on there as well, but I don't really feel like I should lie about that.
Sigh.
Or maybe I just need to figure out how to handle an interview successfully (because god knows, I've been to hundreds of them) and really pimp/whore myself out. I'm a piece of meat that needs to be sold, no doubt about it. Well, I'm going to apply for a job at my current school, so hopefully that'll help a bit, but who knows.
Ugh, I'm getting over a cold, and can't think anymore, but then, when could I ever think.
/end of emo time
P.S. I'm thinking about just posting random crap here from now on instead of yearly postings about my pathetic-ness.