Mother Duck Tendencies
So you all know that I love you, right? And that I understand that you are all grown-up-ed and capable of making your own decisions, and that I do think that the majority of the time you're all able to understand the consequences to others and to take that in mind when making them.
I've kind of accepted that I'm a Mother Hen/Duck in these situations; I love to push people just over their comfort zone so that they understand they're stepping over that line but not making it a scary thing.
'These situations' mainly being dancing; went to the Fish Fry tonight up at U Penn with 14? Swatties, a Bryn Mawr girl, & Sloan. Sloan laughed at me as I got super-excited each time one of my freshies asked a random stranger to dance. (Evidently I did a 'clap my hands, cue big smile' each time. About that.)
But 'these situations' also being life in general, I suppose. I want to be able to talk about anything with everyone - and this is one of those comfort zones that I'm not secure in - and have it be non-awkward, intellectual, well-grounded. I want to understand personality types, and know which buttons I can push to get a laugh and which will end up with me dead. I want to be able to share my serenity & optimism, both when I have both in abundance (this semester) and when I don't (last semester).
I take care of people. It's what I do. My swim team, my family, my swingers, Posfe. Each group having a clear connection to me - possibly allowing me to make a difference. But no - I don't know what to say when parents die or are dying. I don't really have the right words when N tells me that the chemo didn't work for her Dad and that they're rediagnosing him again. When E's Mom considers a transatlantic flight despite the leukemia. When M knows that she'll probably never swim to her full potential because her digestive system's on the fritz. Or even in all of these social situations. When E is worried that M is cutting her off on purpose. When E knows she's being cut off. When R is scared to ask random guys to dance and A is grumpy all the time at practice and A feels it's necessary to cut someone out of her life. When swimmer boys do dumb things. When C is asked to snowball.
I guess this just makes me happy for the little things - the small serenities. Which I can't always transfer in their full forms - the love of dancing, the feel of clay spinning round on the wheel beneath my fingertips and listening to my directions, the rhythm of a good race, the taste of fresh bread, curling up in bed with a good book. But I can transfer some of the happiness by noticing, commenting, cheering on my ducklings. And I like to think that's helpful, just to be able to talk about these issues and get them in the open.
So yes, I'm turning into an awful gossip. But I try not to judge, and sometimes hearing about the unexpected random hookups from the night before is the perfect catalyst to break a fatalist mood and switch back over into something more sane.
I've kind of accepted that I'm a Mother Hen/Duck in these situations; I love to push people just over their comfort zone so that they understand they're stepping over that line but not making it a scary thing.
'These situations' mainly being dancing; went to the Fish Fry tonight up at U Penn with 14? Swatties, a Bryn Mawr girl, & Sloan. Sloan laughed at me as I got super-excited each time one of my freshies asked a random stranger to dance. (Evidently I did a 'clap my hands, cue big smile' each time. About that.)
But 'these situations' also being life in general, I suppose. I want to be able to talk about anything with everyone - and this is one of those comfort zones that I'm not secure in - and have it be non-awkward, intellectual, well-grounded. I want to understand personality types, and know which buttons I can push to get a laugh and which will end up with me dead. I want to be able to share my serenity & optimism, both when I have both in abundance (this semester) and when I don't (last semester).
I take care of people. It's what I do. My swim team, my family, my swingers, Posfe. Each group having a clear connection to me - possibly allowing me to make a difference. But no - I don't know what to say when parents die or are dying. I don't really have the right words when N tells me that the chemo didn't work for her Dad and that they're rediagnosing him again. When E's Mom considers a transatlantic flight despite the leukemia. When M knows that she'll probably never swim to her full potential because her digestive system's on the fritz. Or even in all of these social situations. When E is worried that M is cutting her off on purpose. When E knows she's being cut off. When R is scared to ask random guys to dance and A is grumpy all the time at practice and A feels it's necessary to cut someone out of her life. When swimmer boys do dumb things. When C is asked to snowball.
I guess this just makes me happy for the little things - the small serenities. Which I can't always transfer in their full forms - the love of dancing, the feel of clay spinning round on the wheel beneath my fingertips and listening to my directions, the rhythm of a good race, the taste of fresh bread, curling up in bed with a good book. But I can transfer some of the happiness by noticing, commenting, cheering on my ducklings. And I like to think that's helpful, just to be able to talk about these issues and get them in the open.
So yes, I'm turning into an awful gossip. But I try not to judge, and sometimes hearing about the unexpected random hookups from the night before is the perfect catalyst to break a fatalist mood and switch back over into something more sane.