Kim's first deployment; Chap 1
Just realize this is totally my feelings here and nothing will change them and I won't feel guilty about them either.
I feel totally fat and to be honest, I think I am. Let's just say, it used to be if I would just suck in my belly a little, it would look almost flat. Now that doesn't even make a dent. I saw a pic of me today, and I realize cameras make you look bigger, but not that much bigger. My pants all bite into my tummy when I'm sitting. My whites do it even when I'm standing. I can't get my butt into my dress whites. My shirts are the type that fit your form and boy what a distorted form I have. It really depresses me and makes me want to just quit eating and hide from the world and spend all my time exercising. SOunds like an annorexic right? Well maybe a little of that would do me some good. No I'm not really going to do it. I hate exercise and I love food. What I need to do is exercise more (as in actually do it) and eat less, and by less I mean a WHOLE LOT LESS! My goal is for my uniforms and clothes to be baggy on me and to be a size small enough that the AF won't turn me away and say you're too fat to join us just like before.
So, I got to see Sicily. It is a beautiful area and I got lots of pictures though I can't do anything with them until I figure out how to transfer stuff from one place to another. I can figure out the inner workings of electronics but when it comes to software and gadetry, I'm retarded.
I thought I wouldn't be able to live with these people for 4 or more months and I'm right but I'm coping. i just keep to myself a lot. Everyone is so crabby all the time. Some just hide it better than others. You know, I realized that I used to be a really sweet girl before I got here and now I'm just mean. Annoy me even a little, do something stupid, Talk to me in a way I don't like and I will snap your head off these days. Not you guys of course but these guys around here. Crazy how these things happen. Oh yeah but as I was saying, I thought I'd have it bad, it's showing all around that nobody can live with each other. I'll tell you that I have a big problem with two people here. One of them is my friend. SHe's so mean to everyone and I can't understand why. I mean, she's MEAN for no reason!!! She says she doesn't care that she makes people mad cuz she is just telling the truth. That's wrong! The other is in my chain of command, pretty much right above me and I'm sick of him threatening all of us for stupid reasons. For example, everyone was doing good on a certain task that gets done twice a day, everyday. Then the day came for me to do it. Normally I'm secondary on the task, meaning I'm the back up. The primary isn't here and well, I forgot. So he got EVERYONE together and yelled and threatened a write up for it. I was the only one who screwed up! Then he threatened to write me up for not attending a meeting he wanted to have during my SCHEDULED maintenance time! Or write me up for not giving him an address for my family if I want a newsletter sent to them. He's so stupid and he's been so whiny and a little sissy lately. This had better not last.
Ok, I'll end the novel here and do a new chapter the next time I have some time.
I feel totally fat and to be honest, I think I am. Let's just say, it used to be if I would just suck in my belly a little, it would look almost flat. Now that doesn't even make a dent. I saw a pic of me today, and I realize cameras make you look bigger, but not that much bigger. My pants all bite into my tummy when I'm sitting. My whites do it even when I'm standing. I can't get my butt into my dress whites. My shirts are the type that fit your form and boy what a distorted form I have. It really depresses me and makes me want to just quit eating and hide from the world and spend all my time exercising. SOunds like an annorexic right? Well maybe a little of that would do me some good. No I'm not really going to do it. I hate exercise and I love food. What I need to do is exercise more (as in actually do it) and eat less, and by less I mean a WHOLE LOT LESS! My goal is for my uniforms and clothes to be baggy on me and to be a size small enough that the AF won't turn me away and say you're too fat to join us just like before.
So, I got to see Sicily. It is a beautiful area and I got lots of pictures though I can't do anything with them until I figure out how to transfer stuff from one place to another. I can figure out the inner workings of electronics but when it comes to software and gadetry, I'm retarded.
I thought I wouldn't be able to live with these people for 4 or more months and I'm right but I'm coping. i just keep to myself a lot. Everyone is so crabby all the time. Some just hide it better than others. You know, I realized that I used to be a really sweet girl before I got here and now I'm just mean. Annoy me even a little, do something stupid, Talk to me in a way I don't like and I will snap your head off these days. Not you guys of course but these guys around here. Crazy how these things happen. Oh yeah but as I was saying, I thought I'd have it bad, it's showing all around that nobody can live with each other. I'll tell you that I have a big problem with two people here. One of them is my friend. SHe's so mean to everyone and I can't understand why. I mean, she's MEAN for no reason!!! She says she doesn't care that she makes people mad cuz she is just telling the truth. That's wrong! The other is in my chain of command, pretty much right above me and I'm sick of him threatening all of us for stupid reasons. For example, everyone was doing good on a certain task that gets done twice a day, everyday. Then the day came for me to do it. Normally I'm secondary on the task, meaning I'm the back up. The primary isn't here and well, I forgot. So he got EVERYONE together and yelled and threatened a write up for it. I was the only one who screwed up! Then he threatened to write me up for not attending a meeting he wanted to have during my SCHEDULED maintenance time! Or write me up for not giving him an address for my family if I want a newsletter sent to them. He's so stupid and he's been so whiny and a little sissy lately. This had better not last.
Ok, I'll end the novel here and do a new chapter the next time I have some time.