(no subject)
Currently I am laying on the kitchen counter. The solidity of the surface makes my ribs hurt, and I can feel my pulse in my lower stomach. I didn't go to school. I feel really slow and non-existent. I am alone - so that pretty much explains it. I also feel like I could sleep the rest of the day, even though I slept in to 12.
Emotionally, I feel well. I feel pretty good actually. My relationship is doing pretty well. We had a rough patch, but I think we are officially over that now. I hope so, it was very strenuous. I am still waiting for Ryan's birthday present to come in the mail. I ordered it 2 weeks ago, and when I called, the customer service guy, Shemal, said that it was in the mail still and that it would arrive anytime. I got him the first season set of Kenny vs Spenny. He knows because he saw it on my computer. I know he will like it. As will I, because in a way, it's a gift for both of us in his possession. I am not trying to be selfish about it, but I knew he would like it and it's an advantage for me too, because I get to watch it.
I am pretty damn excited for next weekend. I have some final planning to do. (cost, people attending.. blah blah) So far there are 6 going, plus an imaginary girl named Katelyn. (mom said I can't be the only girl, and frankly I don't have a problem lying to the dictator anymore) I used to have a hard time lying to her, and it was impossible for me to lie to other people. But with the current situation and the troubles my mom has caused Ryan and me, she deserves being deceived for once. I really have come to the conclusion that I do not love her and she does not love me. And, if she does in fact love me, she really should stop disguising it with hate. It's hard to love somebody who doesn't love you back. I think that in order to really love somebody, one must be loved back or it is simply infatuation. My relationship with my family is very poignant. I am only now, after 17 years, beginning to form a real father-daughter relationship with my dad. I can blame that partly on my mother for her turning my father away when he offered to work it out and my father for joining the army and not keeping contact besides a few cards during his first year of service.
I hate my sister more than my mother, who is tolerable at times. Earlier, when I was on the counter, she smacked my ass as hard as she could. It hurt. So I ran after her and smacked her back. Apparently I am the incredible hulk because she threw herself on the ground and started bawling and choking. I punched her arm with only half my strength as not to hurt her too bad, but as you can see, my strategy didn't work. So, she came in about 5 minutes ago and tried to blow her nasty rotten cum breath at me. So I swiped at her and just barely touched her nose with my finger tips. I mean, the contact was that of something I would do to Ryan or something to be nice or to show that I care. So again, she threw herself down on the ground, crying, and complained of being beaten and calling the police. I swear, she is delusional. I am still lying on my stomach on the counter, so it's not like I got much leverage anyway. I really should get her good (and for real) before I move to the good ole Detroit.
My ribs are aching. I just bought some new brushes online. I am excited to get them in the mail. I have a huge 3x4 foot canvas that I am going to sell once it's completed. I just have to find out what I want to paint. I am going to go to Blockbuster now, and rent Atonement. It looks interesting, and it's made by the same people who made Becoming Jane.
Au revior. Bonne Chance. Merde. :)
Emotionally, I feel well. I feel pretty good actually. My relationship is doing pretty well. We had a rough patch, but I think we are officially over that now. I hope so, it was very strenuous. I am still waiting for Ryan's birthday present to come in the mail. I ordered it 2 weeks ago, and when I called, the customer service guy, Shemal, said that it was in the mail still and that it would arrive anytime. I got him the first season set of Kenny vs Spenny. He knows because he saw it on my computer. I know he will like it. As will I, because in a way, it's a gift for both of us in his possession. I am not trying to be selfish about it, but I knew he would like it and it's an advantage for me too, because I get to watch it.
I am pretty damn excited for next weekend. I have some final planning to do. (cost, people attending.. blah blah) So far there are 6 going, plus an imaginary girl named Katelyn. (mom said I can't be the only girl, and frankly I don't have a problem lying to the dictator anymore) I used to have a hard time lying to her, and it was impossible for me to lie to other people. But with the current situation and the troubles my mom has caused Ryan and me, she deserves being deceived for once. I really have come to the conclusion that I do not love her and she does not love me. And, if she does in fact love me, she really should stop disguising it with hate. It's hard to love somebody who doesn't love you back. I think that in order to really love somebody, one must be loved back or it is simply infatuation. My relationship with my family is very poignant. I am only now, after 17 years, beginning to form a real father-daughter relationship with my dad. I can blame that partly on my mother for her turning my father away when he offered to work it out and my father for joining the army and not keeping contact besides a few cards during his first year of service.
I hate my sister more than my mother, who is tolerable at times. Earlier, when I was on the counter, she smacked my ass as hard as she could. It hurt. So I ran after her and smacked her back. Apparently I am the incredible hulk because she threw herself on the ground and started bawling and choking. I punched her arm with only half my strength as not to hurt her too bad, but as you can see, my strategy didn't work. So, she came in about 5 minutes ago and tried to blow her nasty rotten cum breath at me. So I swiped at her and just barely touched her nose with my finger tips. I mean, the contact was that of something I would do to Ryan or something to be nice or to show that I care. So again, she threw herself down on the ground, crying, and complained of being beaten and calling the police. I swear, she is delusional. I am still lying on my stomach on the counter, so it's not like I got much leverage anyway. I really should get her good (and for real) before I move to the good ole Detroit.
My ribs are aching. I just bought some new brushes online. I am excited to get them in the mail. I have a huge 3x4 foot canvas that I am going to sell once it's completed. I just have to find out what I want to paint. I am going to go to Blockbuster now, and rent Atonement. It looks interesting, and it's made by the same people who made Becoming Jane.
Au revior. Bonne Chance. Merde. :)