My blood bath is over.
So is my sex drive? Those damn hormones are going to be the death of me. And it doesn't help that I got all dressed sexy, leopard shimmery dress, tall gogo boots, wild hair, copper eyeshadow, only to spend the whole ride home yelling at Jeremy for where we are in life and all this shit we have to do, but never gets done, because he's unmotivated and I'm busy with Simone. Good way to kill a libido, Lisa. We had a long talk when we got home, and somehow patched things up. (we never fight for long, or that seriously, so it's never really ugly)
I just feel so trapped. Yes, I've said it before, but things are going nowhere. Jeremy has the car for work, I'm stuck at home with Simone. This place is a storage warehouse. boxes are everywhere, the carpet is nasty, nothing is baby-safe yet, other than my room. I've got no help. I wait all day for Jeremy to come home from work, only to have him want to watch our favorite shows. We used to LOATHE TV. Our rent was raised, we got a ticket that we have to pay soon, the car isn't running so well and Jeremy seems to think ignoring it will make it go away. We've got this trip to Oklahoma coming up and we had to deplete our savings to pay taxes. I'm the one with the motivation, logic, drive and the ambition, but Jer's the one with the upper hand? I'm getting really resentful. I feel like I should go out and get things done, and feel like I'm in control, or at least contributing greatly, but I could never make enough to support us. Not legitimately, anyway.
He's going through this 30 year old thing. He's overwhelmed, depressed, stressed out and overworked. So what am I supposed to do? Being nurturing and sweet only gets us so far, and it sure as hell doesn't clean the house! I've tried giving Simone to Jeremy when he gets home, and doing things myself, but I am so incredibly worn out from our little femme pistol by the end of the day, that I haven't the energy or will anymore.
But my anger with Jeremy was for his nature. He can think about the car he wants to buy, snowboarding, shit he wants to buy, yet none of this is going to happen anytime soon. While I am trapped and stressed and all I can think about is everything that is hanging over our heads, waiting for him to come home, to remind me of how beautiful he is, and sex. Lots and lots of sex. That's all I allow myself to think about. Realistic things. Attainable things. We can have wild sex, and he WILL come home from work, so it isn't indulgent or petty-romantic to think of those things. Those are the only escapes I allow myself. SO I was angry with Jeremy for taking liberties and being a dreamer. And how dare he vocalize it. Yes, I was wrong. I'M the one who needs to lighten up. I'm the one who needs to stop being so worked up. But I can't. I'm too logical and it just isn't my nature to allow myself pleasure when there is work to be done.
If he isn't motivated, and I follow his advice, how will anything be resolved? If we are both dreamers and procrastinators, how will we ever be able to get ahead?
I have some mini goals this week and hopefully they will clear things up for Jeremy so he isn't so overwhelmed.
I just feel so trapped. Yes, I've said it before, but things are going nowhere. Jeremy has the car for work, I'm stuck at home with Simone. This place is a storage warehouse. boxes are everywhere, the carpet is nasty, nothing is baby-safe yet, other than my room. I've got no help. I wait all day for Jeremy to come home from work, only to have him want to watch our favorite shows. We used to LOATHE TV. Our rent was raised, we got a ticket that we have to pay soon, the car isn't running so well and Jeremy seems to think ignoring it will make it go away. We've got this trip to Oklahoma coming up and we had to deplete our savings to pay taxes. I'm the one with the motivation, logic, drive and the ambition, but Jer's the one with the upper hand? I'm getting really resentful. I feel like I should go out and get things done, and feel like I'm in control, or at least contributing greatly, but I could never make enough to support us. Not legitimately, anyway.
He's going through this 30 year old thing. He's overwhelmed, depressed, stressed out and overworked. So what am I supposed to do? Being nurturing and sweet only gets us so far, and it sure as hell doesn't clean the house! I've tried giving Simone to Jeremy when he gets home, and doing things myself, but I am so incredibly worn out from our little femme pistol by the end of the day, that I haven't the energy or will anymore.
But my anger with Jeremy was for his nature. He can think about the car he wants to buy, snowboarding, shit he wants to buy, yet none of this is going to happen anytime soon. While I am trapped and stressed and all I can think about is everything that is hanging over our heads, waiting for him to come home, to remind me of how beautiful he is, and sex. Lots and lots of sex. That's all I allow myself to think about. Realistic things. Attainable things. We can have wild sex, and he WILL come home from work, so it isn't indulgent or petty-romantic to think of those things. Those are the only escapes I allow myself. SO I was angry with Jeremy for taking liberties and being a dreamer. And how dare he vocalize it. Yes, I was wrong. I'M the one who needs to lighten up. I'm the one who needs to stop being so worked up. But I can't. I'm too logical and it just isn't my nature to allow myself pleasure when there is work to be done.
If he isn't motivated, and I follow his advice, how will anything be resolved? If we are both dreamers and procrastinators, how will we ever be able to get ahead?
I have some mini goals this week and hopefully they will clear things up for Jeremy so he isn't so overwhelmed.