partial..

[electrikxdance]

this is a part of my post i wrote last night. the rest of it will stay on private because i fear hurting others, or messing things up more.

this lj is proving to be more useful then i though. right now i'm going to vent-

i dont know where i belong. i dont feel involved in my youth group. i feel outcasted. its like i'm there but i'm not a vital part of the group&&if i stopped showing up the only people who would notice would be the pastors.

i feel seperated from my closest friends. it's like they are there but yet they aren't.[??]i havent spent time with any of my "girl friends" in such a long time, that i am beginning to worry that i have none now. i feel as though i am outcasted with them as well.

i dont know.&&it is scaring me. i dont know how to fix these feelings. how do you talk to people when for so long you have been [to some extent] unnoticed? i feel as though i am letting people slip away. &&it's uncool.

i feel vulnderable. so what do i do? i wish i could just keep typing. because maybe then i could explain it to myself, maybe then i could make all this mess make sense, maybe i could work it out.

i need my friends back. i need a stable shoulder. i need my family. and most of all i need God, again.