(no subject)
Who knew that I would feel so tired?
It's like when you're running, and your legs are aching and your heart is going to explode out of your chest but you keep going, you keep going and going because as soon as you stop, that's when it's going to hit you, and you won't be able to start again. That's what it feels like.
For three years, I put every inch of myself into school. I read and memorized and rehearsed and wrote and challenged and tore myself apart in an effort to be a better actor. And now that those three years are over and I've walked out of the Dome with bruises and bitemarks and battlescars (and a degree), I've slowed down enough to realize how fast I was going and I'm tired.
I went out on one date in those three years. I didn't have time for anything but school. But somehow, I feel like I just got out of a three-year relationship. I feel like I just had a messy, traumatic break-up and I'm aching and I miss it and I need a change. I want to cut my hair and dye it blonde and look like a cheaper Marilyn Monroe or something crazy like that. Something really different, something I would never have done before.
I'm taking a semester or two off, to work and save money and work on auditions and applications to bigger (and presumably better) schools. I'm trying to make a list now, of schools all over the world. Who knows where I could end up? But there's so much that I want to do in the meantime. I want to sing, I want to travel. I want to pack my things and just go someplace, but I can't decide where I want to be. I just know that it's not here, not right now.
Let's run away together. No, seriously.
It's like when you're running, and your legs are aching and your heart is going to explode out of your chest but you keep going, you keep going and going because as soon as you stop, that's when it's going to hit you, and you won't be able to start again. That's what it feels like.
For three years, I put every inch of myself into school. I read and memorized and rehearsed and wrote and challenged and tore myself apart in an effort to be a better actor. And now that those three years are over and I've walked out of the Dome with bruises and bitemarks and battlescars (and a degree), I've slowed down enough to realize how fast I was going and I'm tired.
I went out on one date in those three years. I didn't have time for anything but school. But somehow, I feel like I just got out of a three-year relationship. I feel like I just had a messy, traumatic break-up and I'm aching and I miss it and I need a change. I want to cut my hair and dye it blonde and look like a cheaper Marilyn Monroe or something crazy like that. Something really different, something I would never have done before.
I'm taking a semester or two off, to work and save money and work on auditions and applications to bigger (and presumably better) schools. I'm trying to make a list now, of schools all over the world. Who knows where I could end up? But there's so much that I want to do in the meantime. I want to sing, I want to travel. I want to pack my things and just go someplace, but I can't decide where I want to be. I just know that it's not here, not right now.
Let's run away together. No, seriously.